Saturday, December 31, 2005

The Marriage Cookie

Congratulations to Daryl & Amy on their engagement! . In a perfect way that mirrors Daryl's character, he proposed in an unorthodox, goofy and yet sentimental way. As you read through this note, the cast includes: Daryl, his daughter Amy, his son Nathan, and Amy. In the last paragraph there is a reference to Tatsue. Tatsue was Daryl's wife who passed away last year after a long, hard struggle with cancer. Just as we said goodbye to dear Tatsue who is now with God and the angels, we say hello to Amy and welcome her and her son Jackson into our extended family and surround her with love, joy and acceptance.

Nathan is an exceedingly sweet and intelligent little boy (9 years old), and this note came out from Daryl in September 2005, and although they have been moving in that direction for a while we didn't feel prudent to post until Daryl officially asked, and Amy officially said yes! Both conditions have now been fulfilled and I give to you - The Marriage Cookie as told by Daryl:

"Today after Church Amy, Ayumi, Nathan and I entered the Subaru. Nathan had a little piece of cookie left and he gave it to me so he would not spill crumbs in our new car. Anyway, knowing that Amy loves chocolate, I saved a small corner bite with chocolate chips and m & m’s and fed it to her. That prompted Nathan to excitedly say, “that must be the marriage cookie, because I know you guys are in loooooovvvveeee”.

I asked him what the marriage cookie stood for, and he said “When you share, your destinies become intertwined and you become part of one another’s life together and share the sweetness for all your life”

I asked him how he could know we were in love. He said you are good enough friends to be girlfriend and boyfriend first and now husband and wife. He said, “becasuse you are in loooooovvvvvvee, you should smoochie pooh”.

I said what is a smoochie pooh?

He puckered up his lips and made sucking sounds as he leaned towards us.

So I leaned over and gave Amy a “smoochie pooh”. I said how was that?

Nathan said “dad your search is over”

Dad said “What’s that mean?”

Nathan said “You don’t need to search for a woman anymore, you finally found your true love”

Then he told the joke “what do you call two spiders who are married? Newlywebs!!!” Then he told us about the “Frog Kiss”. He said the female frog sticks out her tongue and the male frog sticks out his to lick it. I tried to find out where he learned that but he said he just did. Then he said we need to go to the jewelry store now. Dad goes with me and Ayumi goes with Amy. You need to buy both engagement and wedding rings at the same time. There is no need to go to the church for the wedding, we can save on gas. You should just have an automatic wedding. Give each other the rings and “poof” you are married.

So when I got home, I went upstairs to my computer and started writing. Not wanting to forget anything, I called to Nathan downstairs for help. He yells back “Am I setting up the wedding already?” Thanks!

He runs up stairs all excited. He hands me some “marriage mints” (tic tacs) and says they have the same purpose as the marriage cookie, but also they freshen your breath so you can be a better bride and groom. Then he grabs some “marriage gum” and says “it automatically freshens your breath.

Then he tells us we need to read the “How to make a girl baby or boy baby” book. He accidentally found this book several weeks ago in a pile in my room that was books and junk I took from my old be headboard from the bed I gave away. I did not even know I had it let alone he was reading it. Anyway, he said “Please read this book on your wedding night and find the way that fits most perfectly to make a girl or boy baby, whichever you want the most. If a boy, maybe sprinkle salt on the bed. If a girl, you could hang garlic over the bed. I know another method that moms take off their wedding ring and step over it and it leads to either a boy or girl, I can’t remember which. But she can put the ring under the pillow and get the opposite effect of stepping over her ring. Where is the book? I gotta find it!”

Well Amy and I are pretty much speechless. At least we know where my kids stand on our relationship! I try to explain to Nathan that maybe he is speaking some prophetic words from God. But I explain that no matter how Amy and I may feel for each other at this time, we need to hear clearly from God when the proper time may be for becoming united (Nathan at one point of our conversation had mentioned we should become united in marriage). I told him I believe God is building something beautiful here but everything must come in His timing. Both of us want more than anything what God wants for not only our personal lives but those of our families. If he brings us together as a family, it will be in His time and with His blessings.

“God I love that kid (Nathan). He never ceases to amaze me. Thank you Father so much for my son Nathan and his tender, loving, sincere, perceptive, heart and that you truly made him the “Ultimate in Sillyness”! And thank you God for my beautiful, sweet daughter who plays along with her big brother with a huge smile and lots of giggles. I thank you for the healing in our lives and for the blessings you are pouring out on us as a family. I also thank you for what I believe you are orchestrating in bringing two families together to become one. I know Tatsue is smiling in heaven seeing how well you are taking care of us. We will always miss her, never forget her and were so blessed in our time with her. May we find such favor from You again Father. May Your glory shine forever through all we say and the lives we live. May Your Holy Spirit be our guide and protector through trials ahead. In the name of your precious son, Jesus, I ask these things over my family and if Your will, my future family. Amen”

Friday, December 30, 2005

A Lesson in Acceleration

As you may know from perusing my blog, I have an affection for all things internally combustionized - but particulary the raw muscle of a good old American built V-8 stretched to the very limits of it's physical ability to produce horsepower. Case in point (via Kirk to Joey to me, and note that some of the records quoted are several years old and are now likely eclipsed):

First, some useful info:

  1. One Top Fuel dragster 500 cubic inch Hemi engine makes more horsepower than the first 4 rows at the Indy 500.
  2. Under full throttle, a Top Fuel dragster engine consumes 1 gallon of nitromethane per second; a fully loaded 747 consumes jet fuel at the same rate with 25% less energy being produced.
  3. A stock Dodge 426 Hemi V8 engine cannot produce enough power to drive the dragster's supercharger.
  4. With 3000 CFM of air being rammed in by the supercharger on overdrive, the fuel mixture is compressed into a near-solid form before ignition. Cylinders run on the verge of hydraulic lock at full throttle.
  5. At the stoichiometric 1.7:1 air/fuel mixture for nitromethane the flame front temperature measures 7050 degrees F.
  6. Nitromethane burns yellow. The spectacular white flame seen above the stacks at night is raw burning hydrogen, dissociated from atmospheric water vapor by the searing exhaust gases.
  7. Dual magnetos supply 44 amps to each spark plug. This is the output of an arc welder in each cylinder.
  8. Spark plug electrodes are totally consumed during a pass. After 1/2 way, the engine is dieseling from compression plus the glow of exhaustvalves at 1400 degrees F. The engine can only be shut down by cutting the fuel flow.
  9. If spark momentarily fails early in the run, unburned nitro builds up in the affected cylinders and then explodes with sufficient force to blow cylinder heads off the block in pieces or split the block in half.
  10. In order to exceed 300 mph in 4.5 seconds dragsters must accelerate at an average of over 4G's. In order to reach 200 mph well before half-track, the launch acceleration approaches 8G's.
  11. Dragsters reach over 300 miles per hour before you have completed reading this sentence.
  12. Top Fuel Engines turn approximately 540 revolutions from light to light!
  13. Including the burnout the engine must only survive 900 revolutions underload.
  14. The red-line is actually quite high at 9500 rpm.

The Bottom Line; Assuming all the equipment is paid off, the crew worked for free, and for once NOTHING BLOWS UP, each run costs an estimated$1,000.00 per second. The current Top Fuel dragster elapsed time record is 4.441 seconds for the quarter mile (10/05/03, Tony Schumacher). The top speed record is 333.00 mph (533 km/h) as measured over the last 66' of the run,(09/28/03 Doug Kalitta).

Putting all of this into perspective:

You are riding the average $250,000 Honda MotoGP bike. Over a mile up the road, a Top Fuel dragster is staged and ready to launch down a quarter milestrip as you pass. You have the advantage of a flying start. You run theRC211V hard up through the gears and blast across the starting line andpast the dragster at an honest 200 mph (293 ft/sec).

The 'tree' goes green for both of you at that moment. The dragster launches and starts after you. You keep your wrist cranked hard, but you hear an incredibly brutal whine that sears your eardrums and within 3 seconds the dragster catches and passes you. He beats you to the finish line, a quarter mile away from where you just passed him.

Think about it, from a standing start, the dragster had spotted you 200 mph and not only caught, but nearly blasted you off the road when he passed you within a mere 1320 foot long race course.

That, folks, is acceleration!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

The Mosaic Sacrificial System - why does it not exist today?

One of the most horrific events in history was the destruction of Jerusalem in 70 A.D by Rome under the command of Titus. Scholar Ray C. Stedman comments on the predictions of Jesus and their fulfillment in history a few years later:

In Luke 21:20 we have other details of this predicted overthrow of the city and the Temple. There Jesus adds, "But when you see Jerusalem surrounded by armies, then know that its desolation has come near." Forty years later the Roman armies under Titus came in and fulfilled the prediction to the very letter. With Titus was a Jewish historian named Josephus who recorded the terrible story in minute detail. It was one of the most ghastly sieges in all history. When the Romans came the city was divided among three warring factions of Jews who were so at each others' throats that they paid no heed to the approach of the Romans. Thus Titus came up and surrounded the city while it was distracted by its own internecine warfare. The Romans assaulted the walls again and again, and gave every opportunity to the Jews to surrender and save their capital from destruction.

During the long siege a terrible famine raged in the city and the bodies of the inhabitants were literally stacked like cordwood in the streets. Mothers ate their children to preserve their own strength. The toll of Jewish suffering was horrible but they would not surrender the city. Again and again they attempted to trick the Romans through guile and perfidy. When at last the walls were breached Titus tried to preserve the Temple by giving orders to his soldiers not to destroy or burn it. But the anger of the soldiers against the Jews was so intense that, maddened by the resistance they encountered, they disobeyed the order of their general and set fire to the Temple. There were great quantities of gold and silver there which had been placed in the Temple for safekeeping. This melted and ran down between the rocks and into the cracks of the stones. When the soldiers captured the Temple area, in their greed to obtain this gold and silver they took long bars and pried apart the massive stones. Thus, quite literally, not one stone was left standing upon another. The Temple itself was totally destroyed, though the wall supporting the area upon which the Temple was built was left partially intact and a portion of it remains to this day, called the Western Wall.

One of the obvious effects of the destruction was that Israel no longer had a temple, or a corporate (national) place where sacrificial offerings for atonement could be held. I have wondered why then the Jewish sacrificial system stopped? Why wouldn't it continue in another location or locations where significant numbers of Jews would eventually gather?

One of the resources that I frequent is a website about Judiasm. It has a great feature that has been helpful to me called "ask the Rabbi" where (after registration) you can submit questions and receive answers from a Rabbi. They have just created a site where frequently asked questions and their response are posted for quick reference. Here's an entry from November 22, 2005 that addresses my very question:

What do we do about sacrifices when there is no Temple?

Since the Temple was built, it has not been permissible to offer sacrifices elsewhere; see Deut.12:13-14. When there was a Temple, people who lived far away from it used to make pilgrimages to Jerusalem on the holidays, or at least once a year, to offer any sacrifices that they owed. When there is no Temple we have no way of fulfilling any of the Commandments associated with the sacrifices. But we aren’t punished for our failure to do so, because the lack of a Temple isn’t our fault as individuals (though it certainly is our fault collectively).

Here is the text of Deuteronomy 12:13-14 (NIV) : Be careful not to sacrifice your burnt offerings anywhere you please. Offer them only at the place the LORD will choose in one of your tribes, and there observe everything I command you.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Day of the Living Dead

No, this post is not a review of some B grade movie that you watched at a drive-in in 1968. This post has to do with one of the more puzzling scriptures regarding : events surrounding Jesus' death on the cross and His subsequent resurrection. In Matthew 27: 51-53 we find that these things happened:

  1. The curtain separating the holy place from the holy of holies was rent.
  2. Luke (23:44,45) and Mark (15:33) add that the sun stopped shining for about 4 hours.
  3. Earthquakes occurred and rocks were split open.
  4. Certain individuals rose from the dead and went into Jerusalem!

Point number 4 leads to many good questions, including these:

  1. Who were these people?
  2. When did their resurrection happen?
  3. Was their resurrection temporal or permanent?
  4. What did they do after they were resurrected?
  5. What body were they resurrected to?
  6. What happened to them after their mission, whatever it was; was accomplished?

Let's first set the stage by dealing with the facts, which include timing, qualification, quantity and purpose.

  1. Timing - these individuals were resurrected AFTER Christ's resurrection, not before.
  2. Qualification - the verses tell us that these were saints (NIV - holy). There is no mention of unrighteous being resurrected.
  3. Quantity - the verses tell us that many resurrections ocurred.
  4. Purpose - rather than being resurrected to just resume their earthly life, there seemed to be a mission or reason for this - they went into the holy city (Jerusalem) and appeared to many people.

Before going any further, let's address the question of what bodies they were resurrected into! We are not told, but we can deduce from scripture that there are two possibilities:

  1. Their natural, physical body (pre-glorification)
  2. Their supernatural, spiritual body (post-glorification). I will refer to this as the resurrection body.

There is a third possibility that does not have scriptural precedent, and that is that they were resurrected into a temporary body for that specific reason that was neither their natural or supernatural body. I will reject this possibility as mentioned that I find no precedent, and also this would be aligned more with a worldview of reincarnation (resurrected into a temporary body for a period of time) rather than resurrection.

Biblical precedents do exist for individuals resurrected or raised into their natural bodies. These include:

  1. The widow's son raised by Elijah (1 Kings 17:17-24)
  2. The Shunammite's son raised by Elisha (2 Kings 4:18-37)
  3. Anonymous dead man who was raised after his post-mortem body touched Elisha's bones (2 Kings 13:20-21)
  4. Jairus' daughter raised by Jesus (Matthew 19:18-26)
  5. The widow's son raised by Jesus (Luke 7:11-17)
  6. Lazarus raised by Jesus (John 11:38-44)
  7. Tabitha raised by Peter (Acts 9:37-41)
  8. Eutychus raised by Paul (Acts 20:9-21)

Note that these examples span both Old and New Covenants, and were thus performed by pre and post cross individuals. Although not explicitly stated, we infer that these individuals lived the remainder of their lives and then died a natural death. The next question then is there any Biblical precedent for anyone who was resurrected or raised into their resurrection body? Other than Jesus, I'm not aware of any. Because of this distinction I will then use two different terms to refer to the activity of bringing back someone from the dead:

  1. Raised - the action of God's supernatural power reuniting or restoring the spirit to the natural (temporal) body.
  2. Resurrected - the action of God's supernatural power reuniting or restoring the spirit to the supernatural (eternal) body.

Noe (Shattering the Left Behind Delusion pp. 64-67) postulates from a full preterist position that the individuals spoken of in Matthew were resurrected, not raised (again using my definitions above). He then explains that upon death, the believer immediately obtains their resurrection body for all eternity. Although he makes a good case, I would not say that his arguments are convincing. First, my point above regarding precedence for resurrection over raising. Second, his addressing of the problem of "bones in the ground" is lacking. As we know for various reasons bodies are exhumed today. If the resurrection reunites the spirit to it's temporal body and then that body becomes eternal, there would be no "bones in the ground" which seems to be consistent with 1 Thessalonians 4:15-18. Third, as Hanegraaff points out (Resurrection, p. 112) this reasoning has already been addressed by Paul who...

...denounces such notions as godless chatter and explicitly condemns Hymenaeus and Philetus for saying that the resurrection had already taken place (2 Timothy 2:16-18)

Finally, there is the problem of where our resurrection bodies reside. Revelation 21 & 22 tell us about our final destination, heaven. Paradise lost becomes paradise restored and this happens AFTER the Great White Throne judgment, not before it. Noe's model has us receiving our resurrected bodies PRIOR to the home that we will live in with them which seems to be contrary to scripture teaching on the resurrection. Therefore, I conclude that the people spoken of in Matthew are RAISED to their physical bodies and then experienced a natural death - again!

Now, let's look at the quantity or numerical assignment. The Greek word for "many" is polus (Strong's 5118) and is also translated elswhere as "more numerous" and "greater numbers". Contrasting that with other Greek words also translated many such as hikanos that indicate simply a large number, we deduce that the use of this word denotes a superior quantity rather than a sufficient quantity. Therefore, it is possible that not just many but more than 50% of the righteous dead in graves around Jerusalem were raised. Is it possible to actually assign a physical number? Josephus in his historical works estimates that over 1, 000,000 (one million) Jews were killed in the destruction of Jerusalem approximately 37 years after this event, so it is not unreasonable to think that the average population was around a million in this timeframe. I'm not sure how we would quantify a percentage of living residents to those in the grave who were righteous, but again the usage of the word polus we could very conservatively see several hundred persons who were raised in the Matthean event. What is interesting though is that we have no (to my knowledge) external sources talking about these raisings, and I would think that this event would have made quite an impact.

These people were raised for some kind of a purpose, as they went into Jerusalem "and appeared to many people". Because we know that they were righteous, and surmising that they located people who knew them (probably family, friends and co-workers) they most likely were not calling the unrighteous to repentance but comforting the righteous in revelation that Jesus had indeed conquered death. Why do I not believe that these people were evangelizing? In Luke 16:19-31 we find Jesus telling the story of Lazarus and the Rich Man. To summarize the story, the Rich Man was unrighteous and upon death entered the place of torment where Lazarus entered paradise (referred to as Abraham's Bosom). Upon realizing the error of his ways, the Rich Man appealed to Abraham to send Lazarus to his five brothers so that they would repent and not make the same mistake. Abraham responds in a curious way - let's look at the conclusion of the story:

And he (the Rich Man) said, 'Then I beg you, father (Abraham), that you send him (Lazarus) to my father's house - for I have five brothers - in order that he may warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.' "But Abraham said, 'They have Moses and the Prophets; let them hear them.' "But he said, 'No, father Abraham, but if someone goes to them from the dead, they will repent!' "But he said to him, 'If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be persuaded even if someone rises from the dead.'"

Additionally, from Acts 1&2 the missionary command and the pentecostal event had not yet occured. If they had been sent to Jerusalem to evangelize, they would preceded the Holy Spirit given by Jesus himself for and what benefit would that have been? We conclude then from post-mortem pre-resurrection (whew!) evangelism is not a valid model and can be discarded.

Putting it all together

We conclude then that possibly hundreds of people that rose from the grave as recorded in Matthew 27 re-entered their natural bodies, and went into Jerusalem not to evangelize but to bring comfort and encouragement to their loved ones who were already believers, and then they died a natural death.

We assume (as this is an argument from silence) that the lack of external evidence may lend credence that the event happened, as the witnessing to believers would have reinforced the rapidly emerging belief system in the resurrection and their emergence would have been greeted with great joy in the somewhat private venue of family. If the raised people were sent primarily to evangelize, they would have been public oriented and then some evidence may have produced. Sure, it's weak but that's why I label it as an assumption! pre-pentecost evangelists which is unlikely.

OBJECTIONS: Hebrews 9:27 states that is appointed once for men to die (not twice!), and then the judgment. This event then would be a violation of that principle. How do we reconcile that? One answer may be that the Hebrews author is not attempting to establish an edict, but to underscore the fact that there will come a time when death (i.e. separation of body from spirit) would occur and then judgment, which is the object of the sentence. Additionally, miracles in the Bible typically involve a suspension of natural laws. Therefore, we may conclude that Hebrews 9:27 does not stand in objection to Matthew 27.

Monday, December 26, 2005

California Speed Enforcement

On my recent road trip, I'm always amused by the notification of how the law enforcement on Interstate 5 in Northern California is carried out. Now when I say Northern California, I don't mean the Napa Valley! I don't even mean Sacramento or San Fancisco, I mean the real Northern California which is the approximately 150 mile stretch between the Oregon border and Redding. Although heavily trafficed, not much separates the communities of Yreka, Weed, Mt Shasta, Dunsmuir and Lakehead except some long stretches of 'nothingness' (and a few even smaller communites that are probably mad at me for not mentioning them - OK Vollmers, there you go! Your 15 minutes of fame).

As I crested the Siskiyou Summit and began my descent into California from Oregon, I noticed a sign that said "Speed Enforced by Radar". Hmmm, let's test the system; shall we? I accelerated up to about 95 MPH and waited to see what would happen. Unbeknownst to me, 3 miles above the Earth a CHP (California Highway Patrol) KH-12 Keyhole Satellite (leased from the National Security Administration) had picked me up as a 'blip'. The satellite repositioned itself with gentle nudges from it's navigation thrusters and quickly had me tracked.

The onboard capacitors began their charging sequence, and then began to merge the radar with the powerful wattage that would be it's swift carrier of justice. How it works is this: the radar beam would be concentrated into a non-lethal blast of energy that would fry every electronic component on the target vehicle, thus bringing the speed infraction to an abrupt halt.

Well, as I traveled I caught a glimpse high in the atmosphere - and it hit me! Not the condensed radar beam, but the knowledge that I was seconds away from being blasted. I quickly reached behind the seat and grabbed the reflective windshield screen that put up on hot summer days when I have the truck parked. The beam hit the screen and was reflected back up to the satellite, frying it's internal circuitry. Unguided and adrift, it lost orbit and feel through the atmosphere creating an immense fireball and the wreckage rained down upon Mt. Shasta.

Unfortunately, some of the locals thought it portended the emergence of the ancient race of Lemurians and ran into the streets chanting, throwing flowers into the air and burning their homes in anticipation of being greeted by Shamballa-the-lesser and spiritually transported to their home on Alpha Centauri (you think I'm making this stuff up! Ha - check the link).

Enraged at the loss of the satellite, the CHP then began to execute their backup plan. It was at that time that I passed a sign that said "Patrolled by Aircraft". Hmm, what could one little Cessna do - pop me with a paintgun so a patrol car could pick me out of the fray and slap with an infraction? Ha! Let 'em try.

Well, as I got south of Yreka as you know the speed limit kicks up to 75 MPH. Which means, you can drive close to 80 MPH and likely not get ticketed (this is Dave Mundt conventional wisdom and not what really might happen to you!). So, to make up some time and knowing that I'd taken out the satellite, I boosted up to about 95 - 105 MPH.

As I sped toward my destination this conversation was occurring:

"Blue Leader One, this is Firebase Charlie. Do you copy?" "Blue Leader One, copy". "Blue Leader One, we've got reports of a fast mover 10 klicks south of of Yreka, going south. Black Ford Ranger license Whiskey Foxtrot November Six Seven Eight. Abort current mission, intercept fast mover and remove from freeway with extreme prejudice. confirm mission". "Firebase Charlie, this is Blue Leader One copying abort current mission and intercept and destroy speed violator on India - Five".

Blue Leader One was a F-15 Eagle, and it's current mission was performing strafing runs on Marijuana plantations concealed in the Trinity Alps (it is said that on the Trinity Alps if you listen carefully you can hear the DEA helicopters searching out marijuana plantation sites even on the quietest night). The pilot yanked the control yoke, and hit the afterburner while calculating the fuel cost of intercepting me and the potential of return to battle the evil drug dealers taking cover in some of the most beautiful and rugged areas of the Pacific Northwest. As the twin 34,000 horsepower General Electric engines roared their fury, I continued on unaware of the impending disaster.

The pilot reached me in minutes, and radioed Firebase Charlie - "Firebase Charlie, Blue Leader One reports target in sight and commencing operation speed justice". Firebase Charlie replied with those chilling words no Interstate Five motorist ever wants to hear - "Blue Leader One, you are cleared for mission completion. Take 'em out, Joe".

Blue Leader One banked the Eagle into a hard turn to position himself in an advantageous position for weapon acquisition. The flightsuit bladders filled with compressed air to keep Joe's blood out of the trunk of his body and in his head as much as possible to reduce the probabillity of brownout or blackout. Joe grunted as his peripheral vision narrowed, and then he came out of the turn and was coming up on my tail at over 900 MPH. Knowing he would quickly overshoot me, he pushed his nose up 30 degrees and popped his air brake to bleed off speed, and then gently came nose down. The synthetic aperture radar had no trouble acquiring me as belied by the "deedle deedle deedle" tone in his headset. With chilling lack of emotion of the drama that was about to play out, the onboard weapons computer reported in a bland voice "target acquired". Joe selected a AGM-65 Maverick air to surface missile, and was rewarded with a "missile lock" confirmation.

At the same time, my XM Radio display changed
from the music format to combat mode. Just as the Eagle had acquired me, it had also acquired the attack aircraft. "Warning! Warning!" it shrieked, "Missile Lock! Missile Lock!". I glanced up to see the sight of the combat jet filling my rearview mirror.

The pilot flicked the launch button, and the missile leapt off the rails and screamed toward me. Reacting quickly, I stomped on the gas and felt 220 of Ford Motor Company's finest horsepower kick me back into the seat as I accelerated wildly. With no time to spare I had one, and only one; option. There was a semi tractor-trailer ahead of me, and I came right up on it's tail merging my heat signature with the deisel Allison V-8 powered Kenworth. Tracking the missile in my mirror, at the last second I stomped the brakes and the missile overshot me and acquired the Kenworth.

Fortunately, the driver of the rig had opened the door and jumped to safety as the 40 pound warhead exploded 20 feet from the target as designed, and thousands of white hot fragments of depleted uranium shredded the truck and it's cargo. The cargo turned out to be fireworks, and the late afternoon sky turned brilliant as secondary explosions illuminated every square inch of sky and land for a 40 mile circumference. The pilot, who was sure that his targed had been obliterated; banked away and charlie miked (continue the mission) back to the alps. Shaken by the eposide, I resumed driving at the posted speed limit. The Lemurians, freaked out by all the activity, continued to hide in their underground cities to the great disappointment of the citizens of Mt. Shasta.

And the California Highway Patrol? Their souls burdended by the unsuccessful attempts to remove me, gathered for donuts and sighed.

Road Trip!

Sherry and I spent Christmas in our customary fashion, with my mom and dad, and sister and her family; in Redding California. Due to our crazy schedules, it seems that either Sherry or I have a constraint and end up with only a few precious days off at Christmas time. Therefore, one of us will drive down with Kadie the Family Dog in the pickup truck and one of us will fly down.

This year, it was my turn to drive. Although it's a 417 mile drive door to door and a 7 hour drive, usually I enjoy just tooling down the road listening to tunes. In fact, I'm going to share with you a little secret that no one else knows - when I crest the Siskiyou summit I jot down the song I'm listening to. Not sure why I do that, but I do. This year, going south it was The Doors and the song was The End (fitting, as I had just come to the end of Oregon and was entering California). Going north it was U2 and the song was New York.

The drive usually has some curious moments, such as wondering what was behind the "Traveling Tsunami Seafood Show" that I saw on a truck.

Or wondering for years what those references to the State of Jefferson in the Yreka area meant, and then finding that there was a well organized plan to secede Southern Oregon and Northern California into a new state and may have actually happened if not for the bombing of Pearl Harbor and the U.S. immersion into World War II.

Once in California, and especially in the Shasta Lake area; the road becomes a long skinny shoe and memories are the laces that tie it together in random association as the miles skip by:


  1. Learning how to ski at Mt. Shasta pre-avalanche that destroyed the lift
  2. Living at Lakehead and being only slightly social and certainly suspicious with the kids from Dunsmuir.
  3. Hiking Castle Crags with Mike Thetford.
  4. Riding my Yamaha dirt bike on the back roads from northern Lakehead. Chris LaBella was in his 65 Mustang and we were racing to see who got home first. He did, as in the dark on my dirt bike I crashed hard into a ditch and suffered no broken bones but broke a lot of skin and was a bloody mess.
  5. The private, non tourist swimming hole at Dog Creek.
  6. Climbing up and then onto the catwalk underneath the I-5 bridge over the Sacramento Arm of Lake Shasta. The sound and movement when a semi tractor-trailer thundered over your head!
  7. Backing my 1967 Camaro down the government launch ramp at Lakehead, until my 60-Series rear tires were about an inch deep in the lake (didn't take much). Popping the clutch and letting that 327 roar as I did a smoky burnout 3/4 of the way up the ramp, laughing as the incensed fishermen threw beer cans at me!
  8. The old junkyard we found above Salt Creek, probably from the early 1900's.
  9. Riding our dirtbikes on a custom made to order motocross track when the lake diminished enough to expose Turntable Bay.
  10. Getting high at Tim Kobe's house at O'Brien and staggering down to the freeway to moon cars (yes, I had my moments of juvenile delinquency).
  11. The tribute at Salt Creek to King. If you are going south on I-5 just past the Salt Creek exit as you begin to incline, you can get a glimpse of a cross on the left hand side of the freeway. There is a little door and a picture of a German Shepherd. King's owner was crossing a road and began to have heart trouble, a car was approaching around a curve and King through himself against his owner, putting himself in harm's way and dying to save his owner's life.

Well, there are many more memories but probably the coup de grace that made me legendary was:


The incident of the runaway motorcycle and the Lakeshore Villa Market.


I worked for a few years at the Shell station still in Lakehead off of I-5 just before the Sacramento river bridge (it's still there today). The owner at the time permitted us to purchase gas and services at her cost. Being somewhat isolated we had developed a quite a little bartering system finding tourists running low on cash and worrying about how to get home. We traded gas and products for all kinds of things including 8 track casette tapes, camping gear, tools - just about anything, and then reimbursed the boss at cost. One fine day a local came in and really needed some tires. I had some cheap recaps in stock, and we finally agreed to swap the tires for a dirt bike. He gave me a ride to his house where the plan was that I would get the bike and head home (in those days, we were bold enough to defy the law and ocasionally ride our dirt bikes on the road, terrifying tourists as we rode wheelies down the street and screamed like rockers with sore throats).

A bunch of our mutual friends were at his house, and in a James Dean kind of coolness I swung a leg over the bike and kicked it to life. I revved the throttle a few times, and then thought "what a great attempt to show my friends what a bad a$$ rider I was". Well, it turned into a self fulfilling prophecy as I rode badly, and made an ass of myself! I snicked it into gear, popped the clutch and showered my buddies with a spray of gravel excised by that 3.5 inch knobbie as I rocketed toward the store. We had built a little berm, and my plan included a snazzie berm shot, followed by a cross up over a small jump and then I was around the store and headed home.

Alas, 'twas not to be. As I worked upward through the gears I realized that the berm was approaching too fast - way too fast. I eased on the front brake, nothing. I grabbed now at the rear brake - nothing! I attempted to open the throttle release - NOTHING! Having exhausted all the usual means of slowing down, I downshifted; redlined the motor and sat transfixed in paralysis as the rear wall of the store in slow motion filled my field of view. Ka-WHAM as the front tire punctured the wall, throwing wood splinters and embedding itself. I can still see the forks bending as the bike stopped instantly, but my body remained in motion. Bowing to the unflexible law of centrifugal force I was slammed into the store with a WOOOMPH as all the air was forced out of my lungs. I heard crashing on the other side of the wall and realized merchandise was falling off of shelves.

A blissful moment ensued when the motor died, and I lay peacefully in the dust too stunned to hurt yet. Then, the gravity of the situation (pun slightly intended) caught up with me and I rose to a sitting position and thought the universal code of teenage boys in trouble - "must escape before getting caught". I grabbed the rear while of the motorcycle and attempted to rescue it from the vice of it's impaled prison, but it would not budge. By this time patrons and the store owner had run around to the back of the store to find out what happened.

Well, what happened was that I became the laughing stock of the community for several days (and had to pay for the repaire of the store and straightening of the forks) as my story was recounted over and over. Until I did the next dumb thing.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

A Month with the Minors

Well, here it is December 20 - and I haven't even started my BRP (Bible Reading Plan) for the month yet. I have made it a practice since 1999 to read the Bible through in a year, and have used the Navigators most excellent plan. I love this plan because my life is somewhat undisciplined, but the plan is a combination of discipline and grace. It's disciplined because there is a straightfoward daily assignment to read. It has grace because it is keyed to 25 days, giving you a few days for "make up" should you fall behind. Well, I need a little grace to get through my reading! Actually, with the celebration of Christmas comes some time off which will afford me some good, quiet chunks of time to dive in. One of the sections that I will go through is the minor prophets.

To be honest, there is the possibility of going a year without significant reading or studying in those books until the next 11 month cycle rolls around. How do I know this? I do much of my reading with an electronic Bible on my Palm Pilot. When I go to choose the book, it will bring up the last page I read. In the case of the minors, I usually am taken to the last page! Yup, been 11 months since I last was there for a few of these. Rather than lamenting my lack of discipline, I try to look forward to my reading as a time to catch up with old friends.

Hmm, you might say -thinking of some of these guys like Angry Amos and his pejorative prophecies, is that the kind of company you like to keep? You betcha! You see, even if there is a lot of messaging regarding God's wrath on faithless Israel and punishment on other nations, in those pages there are powerful reminders of God's grace and mercy. Also, there's some vivid imagery and skillful writing that I just flat out enjoy. Look at this passage from Nahum regarding the destruction of Nineveh:

Weapons flash in the sun, the soldiers splendid in battle dress, Chariots burnished and glistening, ready to charge, A spiked forest of brandished spears, lethal on the horizon. The chariots pour into the streets. They fill the public squares, Flaming like torches in the sun, like lightning darting and flashing.

But in the midst of this wrath, some of the most beautiful passages emerge that give us clues into God's grace. One of my favorite verses is found in Micah 6:6-8. Lamenting and facing his sin, Micah pours out his heart:

With what shall I come to the LORD and bow myself before the God on high? Shall I come to Him with burnt offerings, with yearling calves? Does the LORD take delight in thousands of rams, In ten thousand rivers of oil? Shall I present my firstborn for my rebellious acts, The fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?

When we think of the sacrificial system of the Law, Micah's lament makes sense. He is getting a glimpse of the Big Picture, that no amount of sacrifices would be able to save or redeem us. The next verse teaches us that God is not interested in the quantity of sacrifice but the quality of sacrifice:

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and walk humbly with your God?

I love that. That's what I believe the quality of sacrifice means, that our outward actions are the result of our inward character. Then there's Hosea, who spoke these wonderful words that describe God's love for his people. Even though the imagery of a disobedient child is extant in the passage, look at how God's love transcends the rebelliousness:

When Israel was a child, I loved him as a son, and I called my son out of Egypt ... It was I who taught Israel how to walk, leading him along by the hand. But he doesn't know or even care that it was I who took care of him. I led Israel along with my ropes of kindness and love. I lifted the yoke from his neck, and I myself stooped to feed him.

Yes, I'm looking forward to catching up with my old friends.

Friday, December 16, 2005

You might just be a redneck theologian if....

I'm glad to see we're back to a little good natured joshin' about Calivinism and Arminianism - thanks to the Calvinist Gadfly!

You might be a Redneck Calvinist if…
  • The church you attend is not seeker-friendly, but cigar-friendly.
  • You hear “Free Will,” and think about bailing out your cousin “Will” in jail.
  • Your dad uses the double barrel shotgun for his own “effectual calling.”
  • You think that an Amyrauldian is road kill.
  • BHT means Barbeque Hogs Tonight.
  • The only overalls you will buy are made by your cousin Calvin.
  • You compliment your wife with, “God has ordained yur voice to sound jist like a chainsaw.”
  • Your church has justified to include the banjo and harmonica under the Regulative Principle.
  • Your church refuses to call the church picnic a Potluck.
  • You have the five solas tattooed on your arm.
You might be a Redneck Arminian if…

  • You hear “Irresistible Grace” and think of your cousin.
  • There is a fiddle accompaniment with Just as I am.
  • Your exegesis consists of having 2 Peter 3:9 tattooed on your arm.
  • When you hear “RC” you think of Cola.
  • You think that supralapsarian is some fancy new breed of dog.
  • You possess more Charles Finney books than teeth.
  • When the preacher mentions that we are but lumps of clay, you think of Mud Bogs.
  • You hear someone say Ordo Salutis and think they had too much moonshine.
  • You think “Spurgeon” is something you catch with rod & reel from your brother-in-law’s boat.
  • When you hear the Institutes you think of where many of your relatives live.
  • “The Chief End of Man” is where you end up after “The Fall of Man.”
  • You think that “Limited Atonement” is a single barrel shotgun.
  • You purchase your Dave Hunt books through the Home Shopping Network.
  • When you hear “five points” it reminds you of your average monthly reduction in your driver’s record.
  • You have a bumper sticker on your truck that says, “If there ain’t free will in heaven, I don’t want to go.”

Friday, December 02, 2005

Best Man Falls

File under childhood memory department: When I was a kid growing up on 452 East Nugent Street in the city of my birth, Lancaster, California we had a game we played at El Dorado Park that was behind our house. The name of the game was Best Man Falls. I suppose I'm entering that time in my life where I'm recalling memories from 40 years ago but I can't remember what I did last weekend.

Best Man Falls was an army game. Now, many of you reading this may not have a concept of what the cold war was like, but having been indoctrinated with books like this we truly were young defenders of our free country ready to take up arms against the commie agressors.

But I digress - the game was simple. El Dorado Park had some gently rolling hills covered with nice soft grass. A defender was chosen and would take his place at the top of the hill and the rest of us would charge him. With his imaginary machine gun spitting lead as he sputtered the sounds, the defender would mow us down as his young limbs jerked from the imaginary recoil of that powerful weapon.

We would fall gruesomely, simulating as best we could torso separation, limb disembodiment, and other fatal wounds. We fell dramatically down the hill, reaching the bottom in a simulated state of death so final the Grim Reaper had no purchase on our young souls. Then, the defender would pick the "best man who fell" and that young lad would assume the defense position for another violent round of Best Man Falls.

I had the most eerie "deja vu" moment that excavated this thought as I watched the exact scenario from my childhood played out in a modern setting in this XBox promotional video.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Amazing Grace - or Unsettling Grace?

Holy Cow! Can't we all just get along?!!? A little joshing about theological perspectives took an ugly turn recently with James White and Paul McCain lobbing a few hand grenades around regarding our recurring theme of Calvinism and Arminianism.

It reminded me of the Council of Nicea in 325 a.d. where as tradition has it that Arius penned his famous diatribes against the equality of Jesus with the Father to the tune of popular songs of the day. Again, tradition states that the Athanasian camp basically stuck their fingers in their ears and chanted "we can't hear you, we can't hear you".

It illustrates the point though that words when combined with music have a great impact. Consider this jingle against Arminiasm which I'm not sure who authored to the tune of Amazing Grace (John Newton who has to be not only spinning but spitting in his grave!):

Arminian "grace!" How strange the sound,
Salvation hinged on me.
I once was lost then turned around,
Was blind then chose to see.

What "grace" is it that calls for choice,
Made from some good within? That part
that wills to heed God's voice,
Proved stronger than my sin.

Thru many ardent gospel pleas,
I sat with heart of stone.
But then some hidden good in me,
Propelled me toward my home.

When we've been there ten thousand years,
Because of what we've done,
We've no less days to sing our praise,
Than when we first begun.

Well, somebody couldn't leave well enough alone and (okay, I don't know which was written first but you get the point about the contention) and renders the old classic "Jesus Loves Me" with an anti-Calvinist twist:

Jesus loves me! This I know
Predestination tells me so
Sovereign God loves me so well,
But He may want you in hell!

Yes, Jesus loves me
Well, maybe He loves me
I sure hope He loves meI guess
I'll never know!

Jesus loves me, I will win!
Can not fall away by sin.
Can't resist His grace, it's true,
Died for me but not for you.

Chorus

Jesus loves me! Where is He?
Up in heaven, can't you see?
Can't be sure where I will go
Jesus' little lamb, or no?

Chorus

Principles that regulate,
All our worship, ain't they great?
Even if we aren't too sure,
Which points really are secure.

Chorus

Now, just when you think it can't get any worse, "Rick" revises again to an ultra-Arminian extremist position that ventures out of orthodoxy bounds - but perhaps this is a knee jerk reaction and attempt at shock value for emphasis without really holding to this position? One can only hope:

Jesus loves me, though He’s helpless to save
O how he wants me to be brave
He cheers for me and that’s all He can do
Until the day I make my own life new

Yes I love Jesus, Yes I love Jesus
After I love Jesus, He decides to love me too

Jesus loves me; I’m not dead in sin
There is so much good within
I am not chosen my will is totally free.
I just need to breathe new life in me

Chorus

No regulation for worship, isn’t that great?
Whatever we can invent or create
God’s Word is full of just morals and advice
“Bring them in” at any price

Chorus

God’s not sovereign, how can He be?
That would take the thunder from me
We somehow are our own salvation buyers
Sinners are their own justifiers!

Chorus

Now, I could be accused of being wishy washy or a theological 'girly man' but I wouldn't discount either side with such vitriol. I know that positions are important and have great impact, but I do respect each side. And having said that, let me assure you that I firmly in one camp. But it is not my intention to debate here, but to again ask the question "can't we all get along"? My response then follows the modus operandi we have seen thus far. Please take a moment, and a breath; and sing the following to the tune of the Brady Bunch:

Here’s the story, of a man named Calvin
Who was busy writing doctrinal treatises all day,
It became the work we know as “Institutes”
Nothing much more to say.

Our friend Arminius took great exception,
With some concepts Calvin had put in his book,
He made points of his own, in refutation;
And considered Calvin a kook.

Till the one day when these fellows met in heaven,
And they knew it was much more than a hunch,
That their viewpoints each must be respected,
And that Jesus’ disciples must become a civil bunch

A civil bunch, a civil bunch, that’s the way they became a civil bunch.

P.S. Phil Johnson wrote a great piece that leads to great discussion and thought on doctrinal disagreement, and you can read it here.

It's December..and beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Last Wednesday (the day before Thanksgiving) my adorable wife put up the Christmas lights while I was at work. Not only that, but she cleaned the gutters as well! Now that in and of itself is a big deal, for this reason - I have two fears in life that I will disclose to you. The first is pregnancy. Pregnancy is sooo un-natural. You should be able to just go down to Fred Meyer and pick one out, right? Well, we'll talk about that in another post. The other is the fear of heights. As my elevation increases, such as on a ladder; I get more and more uncomfortable. That's why I'm very grateful to Sherry for doing a job that I usually dread.

Now Sherry did something radically different this year - we have a long driveway and she lined each side of the driveway with a string of cable lights. Very cool, but an unusual effect - it very much resembles a runway! I expected Sherry to come out of the house to greet me looking something like this:

Well, my taxi to the garage door was uneventful and I followed ramp protocol to a "T". Upon spooling down the engines and departing my craft, I could only be thankful that Sherry's enthusiasm has not yet reached the degree as seen in (turn your speakers up)...

...this house!

Sunday, November 20, 2005

One What, Three Whos - SAY WHAT?!?!

We had a lively discussion today that centered on the trinity. A friend (we'll call her "Ruth") was asked earlier in the week about how the Holy Spirit could be a person in the trinity, and the Son could also be a person in the trinity, and yet they are all still God. Ruth responded with an example, by stating that at one time in her life she was a bank employee by day, and a rock start at night by playing in a band but she was still Ruth .


Does that illustration work?

Let's try to break it down, but it's time for a disclaimer - in posting a an article of perhaps a few hundred words on probably the most difficult of theological subjects will naturally lead to a distilled sip of water out of a river of truth. Although much more could be said, I'll respond with a brief answer that will, for brevity's sake; omit other aspects of the truth of this doctrine.

First, let's talk about ontology - a fancy word for the nature of being, or existence. I think we would agree that human beings can be defined as one what and one who. We could say that another way by stating that people are one essence (human) and one person (uniqueness) Therefore, I am one what (human) and one who (Dave). Ruth is also one essence (human) and one who (Ruth). I think we would be in agreement so far.

Now, let's postulate about a different kind of being altogether, non-human. This being can be defined as one what and three whos. OK, now it gets tricky doesn't it! We believe God is one what - meaning He is one in essence, and three whos - he is three separate, distinct persons - Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Let's illustrate that with a chart (apologies for the poor quality):



What we see in this chart is that the Father is not the son, and the Son is not the Spirit, and the Spirit is not the Father. We also see that the Father is God, the Son is God, and the Spirit is God.

This is crucial for this reason - the doctrine of the trinity has been accused of being a logical contradiction, in that we are claiming that 1+1+1=1. That is not the case however. In order for something to be contradictory, it must violate the law of noncontradiction. This law states that A cannot be both A (what it is) and non-A (what it is not) at the same time and in the same relationship. In other words, you have contradicted yourself if you affirm and deny the same statement.

Let's look at some supporting documentation I pulled from several sources:

For example, if I say that that the moon is made entirely of cheese but then also say that the moon is not made entirely of cheese, I have contradicted myself. Other statements may at first seem contradictory but are really not.

Theologian R.C. Sproul cites as an example Dickens’ famous line, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” Obviously this is a contradiction if Dickens means that it was the best of times in the same way that it was the worst of times. But Dickens avoids contradiction with this statement because he means that in one sense it was the best of times, but in another sense it was the worst of times.

Carrying this concept over to the Trinity, it is not a contradiction for God to be both three and one because He is not three and one in the same way. He is three in a different way than He is one. Thus, we are not speaking with contradiction by saying that God is one and then denying that He is one by saying that He is three. This is very important: God is one and three at the same time, but not in the same way.

How is God one? He is one in essence. How is God three? He is three in Person. Essence and person are not the same thing. God is one in a certain way (essence) and three in a different way (person). Since God is one in a different way than He is three, the Trinity is not a contradiction. There would only be a contradiction if we said that God is three in the same way that He is one.

Because each of these “forms of existence” are relational (and thus are Persons), they are each a distinct center of consciousness, with each center of consciousness regarding Himself as “I” and the others as “You.” Nonetheless, these three Persons all “consist of” the same “stuff” (that is, the same “what,” or essence). As theologian and apologist Norman Geisler has explained it:

while essence is what you are, person is who you are. So God is one “what” but three “whos.”

Let's try another illustration to make the distinctions. Time for a little quiz! Don't panic, I'll put the answers right in there for you (collective sigh of relief):

  1. Existence: is there something in the classroom? Yes, there is something in the classroom.
  2. Essence: what is in the classroom? A human is in the classroom.
  3. Person: who is in the classroom? Ruth is in the classroom.

Now, let's take the EXACT SAME QUESTIONS and see how the outcome is different based on the ontological response to the question:

  1. Existence: is there something in the classroom? Yes, there is something in the classroom.
  2. Essence: what is in the classroom? God is in the classroom.
  3. Person: who is in the classroom? The Father is in the classroom. The Son is in the classroom. The Spirit is in the classroom.

Did you notice how much more important the words "what" and "who" became in the second set of questions? That's because, based on the response; a different ontological entity became the focus.

Let's go back up now to Ruth's illustration. Does this illustration work? I would respond "no" for this reason - that illustration (and this is a very common mistake) confuses the ontological being of humans and God. Ultimately, this leads to a heresy that is called modalisim.

Unfortunately, there are many illustrations which are not simply imperfect, but in error. Another type of this example is something that goes like this:

“I am one person, but I am a student, son, and brother. This explains how God can be both one and three.”

The problem with this is that God is not one person who plays three different roles, as this illustration suggests. He is one Being in three Persons (centers of consciousness), not merely three roles. This analogy ignores the personal distinctions within God and mitigates them to mere roles. Therefore, we conclude that the trinity represents God as a different ontological being than humans - He is one what and three whos!

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Haircut Day













As as my custom, I'd been keeping my hair very short all summer. Sherry plugs in the sheep shearers and buzzes my head. The pic on the left shows a little bit of grow out. Now that winter is just around the corner I've let it grow out a bit more as you can see on the picture at the right.

Obviously, my hair grows pretty fast. I went into one of those quick and easy haircut shops, I can't remember the name but it was the salon establishment of a Jiffy Lube - in and out, speed is as important as service. Maybe the marketing angle is the service is speed! In any event, I digress. A friendly lady approached and introduced herself as Kathy and notified me that she is ready to start working on me. Now, that approached puzzled me - you work on cars, like they do at Jiffy Lube. You cut hair, like they do in a salon. Hmmm - but I'm not in a salon! OK, I get it - and got in the chair.

Funny thing, it brought back a memory that is now almost thirty years old. It was a hot summer day in Redding California, and I had a friend named Cindy. Cindy decided her life's talents lay in the cosmetology field, and enrolled in that school (what was it Janet, do you remember?) on North Market Street. As part of her real life experience, she needed to perform an actual haircut on a living person.

Enter gullible Dave. It started innocently enough, a little light banter, a little snip snip of the scissors. Gradually though, Cindy became quiet. Then concerned. Then worried. Then she started to cry. As she is cutting my hair. Now, I'm beginning to get a little concerned myself. Cindy's instructor came over, and said in a reassuring tone; "I think we can fix it up a little bit and with time it will be OK".

Well, time does heal wounds...and hair. Cindy, if you are out there somewhere reading this - all is forgiven!

Jim's first new car

My friend Jim (happy birthday!) gave me permission to post this email he sent recently. I crack up every time I read his recounting of the power antenna discussion. There are two important milestones in most people's lives, the purchasing of their first car and (if the first one was used) the purchasing of a new car. Here's Jim's story:


My first new car was a burgundy 88 Olds Calais SL. It was a special Calais. The Qaud-4 engine was the first world-class 16-valve built by GM. It had a nice German five-speed. Top notch sound system. Sun roof. $125 a tire Firestone Firehawk GTs on mag wheels. It had every option on it other than power windows and the trip computer. I could have purchased the top-of-the-line “International” edition, but I liked the black chrome accent look of the SL. I remember hashing out the deal with the salesman. After four hours we had an agreement until he said “What about a power antenna?” “What does it do?” I asked. “It goes up when you turn the radio on and goes down when you turn the radio off. $110.” “Better reception?” I asked. “It goes up when you turn the radio on and goes down when you turn the radio off. $110.” “Does it do anything else?” “It goes up when you turn the radio on and goes down when you turn the radio off. $110.” I got it.

My friends in DC gave me a hard time about a four-door but everyone enjoyed having their own door. The back seat folded down so you could carry 2x4s and such, a really nice feature. I loved that car enough to put 156,000 miles on it. We went to Maine, New York, Boston, Philly, Richmond, Nashville, Pittsburgh, all over the DelMarVa and Blue Ridge when I live in DC. Towed it behind a big Budget diesel when I moved back to Portland and immediately drove it up to Prince Rupert for a trip on the Inner Passage. I sold it seven years ago when I bought the Ford Ranger. The Olds needed a new exhaust, some of the interior plastic was broken or missing, and the head gasket should be replaced as that was the reason it was eating exhaust systems. Would not pass DEQ. Sold it to a back-yard mechanic for $650.

Yesterday I ran across it in the Lloyd Center parking lot. A bit worse for wear but it still had the Paul Brothers Oldsmobile, Chevy Chase Maryland emblem on the trunk and the security sandblast VIN on the windows (a necessary security measure when living in DC). I sat around for about ten minutes to see if the owners came by, but they never showed. I am pleased it is still on the road. Licensed through Sept 06.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

An oldie, but a goodie! Hat tip to Robbin for forwarding. I've taken the liberty to update this list by modifying the Unitarian response, and then adding three new ones at the end that I have observed in recent evangelicalism.

  1. Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
  2. Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
  3. Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
  4. Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
  5. Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
  6. Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
  7. Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service.
  8. Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull,or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
  9. Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
  10. Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
  11. Amish: What's a light bulb?
  12. Postmodern: We're not sure, but the light that shines the brightest is the light in our own hearts. Live out the expression of light while not neglecting those around you that still need their candles lit. We know that light is a metaphor for sunshine and sunshine is a simile for truth, and the circle is completed when we light the path of our lives with the sunshine of truth. Therefore celebrate the truth of light! Rejoice in the light of truth! Walk and run and marry and procreate and wash dishes in the eternal sunshine of God. Be sure to attend our special service designed to reach Goths at 7:00 pm on Saturday night, or whenever you want to show up. Read your Bible sometimes. Oh, and can somebody change the light bulb?
  13. Purpose Driven: One. But he's part of a new ministry team named "Caleb" (Caring And Lighting Eternal Bulbs) designed specifically for those called to light bulb changing. They meet at the church on Saturday mornings at 9:00 AM for a 15 minute video, and then the team goes to Starbucks and has muffins and coffee as they learn why the bulb needs changing and whether God has called them to a fluorescent, incandescent or halogen ministry!
  14. Dispensational: It doesn't matter because the true light bulb changers will be raptured, followed by seven years of power outages as the Antichrist persecutes those who would attempt to change the light bulb. During this time the mark of the beast (the Enron logo) will be put on the wrist or forehead of anyone who attempts to change the bulb. A remnant will arise and be faithful until the end, receiving either a 40 watt, 60 watt or a 100 watt reward. And then the Antichrist is thrown into a lake of fire.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Household Chores - House 2, Dave 1

I thought I would catch up on a few household chores this weekend.

Shredding old statements: I had some stuff jammed into a drawer that included bank statements from when Nixon was in office. I finally turned on my shredder, and started running stuff through. Apparently there were a few Meier & Frank statements that had those nifty little scratch and sniff perfume samples. The shredder scratched, and I sniffed. At times I'm a bit sensitive to odorants & deodorants, and you can imagine what perfume does to me. A blossoming aroma rose like a nuclear mushroom and almost overtook me as my olfactory receptors recoiled in terror.
Shredder 1, Dave 0
Closet Toss - I have a bad habit. My closet is reasonably organized with the most casual attire at the right, and then a gradual proceeding to formal businessware at the left. I'll confess though that my top shelf becomes the time sensitive cavity for the clothes toss. I just chuck stuff up there that I'll deal with (ha!) later. I found myself with about 3 t-shirts a pair of jeans in my hands that I didn't want to fold. Up he goes for a reverse layup! Swish, nothing but net! But, down came 4 shirts (the jeans stayed). I chucked them up (note: not "upchucked") and this time 2 shirts and the pair of jeans fell. I still believed I had the home court advantage, after all it is my closet; and slam dunked the clothes up there. 10 shirts, 2 pair of jeans and an old hat came down.
Closet 1, Dave 0
Sherry had decided to do some maintenance with her fish hobby. I like that because she gets to be creative and rearrange the furniture in the fish's homes (we have three aquariums) and if I'm lucky nothing will ever change in our real furnishings. Forever. Yup, I work in an extremely dynamic workplace but I could have the same picture on the wall and the same coffee table in the same place for eternity. Well, I digress. She put Larry the Lobster (he's about 7 inches long now) in the little tank in the kitchen. The next morning we were having coffee on the sofa (yes, the one that I hope she never moves) and we heard this shizzle-shizzle-pop-plunk. We ran into the kitchen, not having any idea what the noise was; to find Larry on the counter heading for the front door with 20 bucks he grabbed from our rainy day fund. Sherry started to scream (eeeeEEEEEEEk!!!!), my ears began to bleed and Larry laughed. I lunged at the little lobster and latched onto his tail and flipped him back into the tank.
Larry 0, Dave 1

All I want for Christmas...

Each year, Sherry asks what I want for Christmas. Each year, I respond the same - I have everything in life I need, but I want you can't possibly afford. This year's request is a vintage muscle car. For a season in the eighties I worked as an automotive machinist with my 15 minutes of fame having worked on some engine parts for King Richard (aka Richard Petty). No kidding! His chief engine builder Terry Elledge lived in our town (Redding, CA) and I did some very basic prep work. BTW, it was fascinating to see a picture of Terry more than twenty years later. I'm glad to see he is, and has been; successful in his NASCAR career. I sent him an email to say hi and to see if he remembers the little long hair peon Dave Mundt from the Engine Masters days! But I digress, to this day although I have an appreciation for high tech sports cars; there is nothing like the roar of an unmuffled big block or the whine of a supercharged small block that gets my blood pumping.

Well, without further ado here is my Christmas wish: A 1969 ZL1 Camaro. Here's a picture:


Now, I know what you are thinking - so what's the big deal? Sure, it's a 69 Camaro but it's not even a Rally Sport, not even a Super Sport, NOT EVEN A Z28 for cryin' out loud! No spoilers, no racing stripes - but wait, what's that bulge in the hood? That bulge, gentle reader; is a FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY SEVEN CUBIC INCH MONSTER! Yup, a Camaro powered by 427 cubic inches of Chevy's finest. Oh wait! Lest you yawn, let me also add it was ALL ALUMINUM! Yes, aluminum block, aluminum heads, aluminum intake manifold - and steel crank and rods. Sitting on top of that bad boy was an EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTY CFM HOLLEY CARBURETOR! Yup, 850 cubic feet per minute of fuel/air mixture rammed into that manifold. I'm not sure if it was dual feed but my assumption would be yes. I'll calm down a minute and stop using caps for exclamation and let's look at some history courtesy of musclecar.com:

Specially designed to compete in the NHRA Super Stock drag classes, Chevrolet made it an option under the COPO system (code 9560). The cars began as SS396/375bhp Camaros with the F41 suspension. The SS trim and engine were deleted, and the 427 engine, cowl-induction hood, front disc brakes, a choice of heavy duty 4 speed transmissions or Turbo Hydra-matic, and a 4:10 posi axle were
added.

But instead of the regular iron-block and head L72 found in the dealer installed Camaros, the ZL1 sported aluminum heads and the first aluminum block ever made by Chevrolet. It shared the L88 aluminum head/iron block's engine rating of 430 bhp but made closer to 500 bhp -- making it probably the most powerful engine Chevrolet ever offered to the public. And the engine weighed just 500 pounds, the same as Chevy's 327 small block. The car was blessed with a 5 year/50,000 mile warranty and was fully street legal. With factory exhausts and tires, it turned low 13s; with headers and slicks, it could turn 11.6s @ 122mph. This was the fastest car ever produced by Chevrolet.

Performance had its price -- $4,160 for the ZL1 engine alone pushing the price of the Camaro ZL1 to an unbelieveable $7,200 (about double the price for a SS396 Camaro). Chevy needed to build 50 to qualify the car for racing, and in the end built 69 Camaros and 2 Corvettes with the ZL-1 engine. Their high price made them difficult to sell and at least 12 engines were removed and about 30 cars were returned back to Chevrolet. It took until the early 1970s to sell them all.

One important thing again to underscore is that the price tag is more than double for a standard 69 Camaro which sold for around $3,000.00. And a big block engine that dressed out at 500 pounds! To bring some perspective, when I was in top shape I was deadlifting 365 pounds for 3 reps. 405 was in my sights. Add another 100 pounds to that and I could almost lift an engine that produced 430+ horsepower!

Now let's talk a little bit more about perspective. Let's say in 69 or 70 you were so inspired to plunk down a whopping $7,200.00. And let's also postulate that you never did what most purchasers immediately did, like carve out the wheelwells for slick tubs. Instead, you left it stock - just like from the factory. The numbers match, nothing's been tampered with and she's been lovingly stored. Let's now say 35 years later, you and the missus are looking at retirement. Let's now look at a recent fact, that a stock factory original sold for $830,000.00 dollars. I'm so sorry but I have to revert to caps again - that's EIGHT HUNDRED AND THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS. Yup, your investment of $7,200.00 had a return of about 11,500 %. I'd say that beats most mutual funds.

But you know what? If Sherry finds the money to buy me one, I'd keep it in our bedroom. Then, when the sun goes down and the moon comes up, and the night is at it's quietest and it's the darkest just before dawn, I'd take that bad boy out and shred the tires with smokey burnouts from Portland to Salem and back. Once a year. Save your money honey!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

What Theologian are you?

Here's a little quiz that will help examine your views and determine which theologian you are most aligned with in your Biblical worldview. Note the obvious - the questions will naturally be prejudiced with the quiz author's viewpoints, and the questions are also designed to lead you to a preselected list of theologians! However, it is a fun little exercise that is also challenging.

Why is it challenging you, the gentle reader; may ask? It actually is a great exercise that has more than just entertainment value as it involves determining the meaning of words, and therefore what does the question really mean? I found several questions that could be construed in a few different possibilities, therefore the sliding scale in which to respond.

The list of possible theologians include:
  1. John Calvin
  2. Martin Luther
  3. Jonathon Edwards
  4. Karl Barth
  5. Friedrich Schleirmacher
  6. Paul Tillich
  7. Anselm
  8. Jurgen Moltmann
  9. Charles Finney
  10. Augustine

Who would you add to the list?!? I would throw in a couple of spoilers like perhaps Clark Pinnock, Greg Boyd or Gary North just to shake things up (caveat - I am neither endorsing or refuting their work - ha!)

When I took the quiz, interestingly enough I was presented with a tiebreaker! I had to choose between the following two statements which I actually rassled with a little bit:


Your Preference (Most True)


  1. Justification by faith alone is the heart of the Gospel
  2. All Christian theology must begin with the revelation of Christ

Faced with choosing between these two was difficult! Ultimately, I chose number 1 for this reason - I concluded that if we must use the word 'must', then all Christian theology must begin with the revelation of God (i.e. the trinity) as taught in the scriptures. Semantics, I know - but it underscores my thought on the importance of words.

Here's my results, which I think we're heavily biased by my choosing question number 1 above:

You scored as Martin Luther.

The daddy of the Reformation. You are opposed to any Catholic ideas of works-salvation and see the scriptures as being primarily authoritative.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Diverse Species observed on Maui

I have a growing interest for the flora and fauna on Maui. This trip, I spent much more time observing and appreciating the natural wonders - in categories that span from rain forest flora to cactus in Kihei & Makena, the beauties of Hibiscus, Plumeria, Spider Lilly, Begonias and so much more provide an almost unsurpassed visual treat.

I also saw some amazing birds. Amongst the many Rock Doves (the Hawaiian name for 'pigeon'!) we spotted Yellow Faced Grassquits and Greater Necklaced Laughing Thrush (you think I'm making this up, don't you? I'm not! BTW both of which are found elswhere than just Hawaii) and many others. One bird I observed was the most brilliant blue I have ever seen. One of the Grassquits I saw had almost a perfect Nike Swoosh just under its eyes (talk about product placement, is there any place in the world without the Nike logo or the Starbucks mermaid?).

We visited the Maui Ocean Center at Ma'alea Harbor, and it was fantastic! We had driven by it for years and never gone in. It's now a must see. You go through a series of rooms with aquariums designed to show off and educate on the underwater life at different depths, with a plethora of exotic fish and other magnificent ocean critters on display. There were two defninite WOW moments - the first was a floor to ceiling cylindrical (I'm guessing about 400 gallon) tank with nothing but jellyfish in it. They had a black light on the tank, and supressed lighting and some kind of new age music playing. It was hypnotic to watch the graceful movements of a deadly species. Speaking of deadly species, the second wow moment was walking around a corner and into a viewing room where you observed a SEVEN HUNRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND GALLON aquarium. Yup, that's 750,000 gallons! It had all kinds of smaller species, a bunch of sharks (tiger, hammerhead, and some others) and curious sea rays (sting rays) that would glide right up to the glass and observe you with a cold, predator's eye. They feed them a few times a day to supress the shark's appetites taking the edge off of their aggressiveness.

What really surprised me though was a fish called a Jack. Not too impressive looking (especially in this lousy image I found), but here's the kicker - these guys are among the most aggressive among predatory species. The week we visisted the Center, they had just introduced a young Tiger Shark into the tank. The Jacks did not take lightly this intrusion, and constantly harassed the shark, to the point that it started to become exhausted and the staff feared that the constant annoyance would fatigue the shark to the point where it would become fragile and undergo physical attack. Yup, to my surprise Jacks are aggressive enought to take on a shark!

Well, of all the species we observed I must say that most exotic, interesting and puzzling were of the human nature. Here's a sampling of what we observed:

  1. Midwest/Southern/East Coast Tourists - easy to spot with their conservative dress, slight accents and references like "this tastes so much better than hot dish". The male of the species typically has a large, burnt belly which he will bring back to Boston, Birmingham or Biloxi.
    West Coast Tourists - Pacific Northwesterners can be identified by their wearing of socks with flip flops, and standing out in the rain just like they do in Seattle or Portland. Southern California visitors are almost indistinguishable from island residents with their tans and tattoos. I'm not sure why they come, as I think Maui is just an extension of the So Cal lifestyle (or the other way around!)
  2. Condo Sales Staff - impeccably dressed in an Aloha shirt with white linen slacks, these are sharks of the land locked kind. My favorite one though was one lady who sported a bosom like a Humvee and a carriage built by Kenworth. Don't get me wrong, she was not fat but solid - and big. She was showing a very young couple(they seemed a bit intimidated), perhaps newlyweds; around the premises and I could just imagane what happened in the closing booth - SNAP! Goes the whip against the table. They both jump almost out of their chairs. "You vill purchase ze condo, no?" "No" they respond. "NO, the sales commandant replies, you say NEIN to mein offer?" "No, they reply - we mean yes" and start crying and say "yes, ve vill buy". WHAT, YOU NOW MOCK ME? Hysterical now they sob as she pushes the signature page across the desk. "Come, my liebchins; it shall be alright if you sign" as she clasps them to her bosom. Yikes!
  3. The twins - this was the awww moment, there were twin oriental girls about 3 years old. They wore matching sunsuits and paraded around the pool with their papa, holding hands, giggling and whispering to each other. Cute was never cuter!
  4. The hair club for men representative - this guy was fascinating to watch in almost a morbid way. His hair did not really come out of his head as much as it sat on top of his head. I swear, birds were circling looking to roost....
  5. Tipping Man - he must have weighed about 275-300, and he was laying stomach down on the lounge at the pool. He was reading a book, with his head hanging off of the end. He had found the perfect equilibrium point where if he moved his head, he started to tip. With an ever so delicate push of his finger, he would gently return to the balance position. Amazing.
  6. Local Boyz - this guy was a nut! I was on the lanai (deck) of our eigth floor unit one day, and looked down upon a public beach access parking lot. This guy drove in, and then his buddy; and they took out their windsurf boards and gear and began setting up. Apparently, they decided after a little bit that the conditions were not quite to their liking, so they went through the ritual again in reverse. Local boy number one was talking to a young lady, and although it was windy and I was high enough I could not hear their conversation, it seemed obvious that he was trying to pick her up (local boy number two had loaded his gear and walked down to the beach). Number one sauntered over to his vintage Jeep Cherokee with impressionable female, and tossed his board on the rack and walked with her back toward the beach. Number two had come up and went over to his truck. Well, the wind was blowing hard and sure enough it picked up number one's unrestrained board and flung it RIGHT ONTO NUMBER TWO'S BRAND NEW PICKUP. Even from where I was I heard a big BANG. Well, suffice to say by the hand gestures I observed they probably don't hang out too much together anymore, at least not that day.
  7. Finally, there was Diving Man. There's one of these at every pool. As he rose to dive into the pool, everyone got slightly light headed. That's because there was a collective gasp from both male and female spectators as with envy and admiration the sharp intake of breath caused a minor atmospheric disturbance as the momentary lack of oxygen permeated the pool area. His rippled abs caused a refraction of the sunlight across the surface of the pool, it looked like diamonds dancing on the water and that along with his perfect white teeth set in a strong jaw reflected the tropical sun in such a brilliant way that everyone had to put on their sunglasses. He stretched slightly and the expansion of his bicep caused a momentary, minor eclipse as it blocked the sun. The epitome of youth, vigor and health he approached the edge and with just a slight exertion that caused his calves to look like cows, he cut into the water with such grace that not a drop of water was displaced. As he surfaced, he looked to see his wife Sherry pointing out that his clumsiness had splashed about fifty annoyed people! Turns out that I had slipped into a minor fantasy and quickly was returned to my middle aged existence. Sigh.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

New Friends, Old Friends and No Friends on Maui!

One of the best things about vacations is meeting up with old friends, making time for new friends and then just being a wee bit selfish and spending time alone (the caveman in me coming out). I had just the perfect mix of all of the above. Sherry and I had some great social time together, and as always she is gracious to give me a little Dave time (that's the "no friends" reference) where I almost completed my entire reading list!

Our friends Dan and Kathy flew over from So Cal, and we had a blast hanging out with them. Dan and I have a friendship that spans decades, we met at some church youth group function in the early eighties. We were invited to attend a get together at someone's house, and they were playing these idiot games where the goal was to embarrass someone. They would send someone to a back bedroom, plot the setup and like lemmings to the sea the people would file back out to have everyone humilate them. Well, eventually they sent Dan and I to the bedroom. We quickly concluded that this was lame and agreed we weren't going to play their stupid games. We began climbing out of the window thinking that it would be a great payback, the disappearing new guys! Well, we were intercepted before we escaped by the hostess and let her know how we felt. We offended the group but began a great friendship! Here's a pic of Dan and Kathy:

We also met a super cool family from Placerville CA. Joanie and Cony, grandaughter Jaymie and daughter Dianne. Joanie has a sense of humor like I do, and it is probably good that we live in different states. We laughed so hard that we had tears in our eyes! It was great spending time with them as well. Here's Joanie and Cony:


We also met a wonderful gal named Kelly. She was next to us at the pool one day, and had to run an errand. She asked if we would mind watching her chaise lounge, and I said "sure I'll just toss my man purse on it". For those of you that don't know, a man purse is a non frilly container used to transport necessary items. My man purse was a plastic bag from a novelty story with a bottle of suntan lotion, my beach hat, a book, and the room key. Here's another example - when we got back from Hawaii I was looking high and low for a lunch bag to take to work. I spotted an empty paper bag in Sherry's suitcase and grabbed it. Let's just say I got a little ribbing for carrying around a bag that said "Cinammon Girl" on the side!

Anyway, Kelly had overheard Joanie, Sherry, Dianne, Jaymie and I talking about marriage and we struck up a conversation. Turns out that she thought I was married to Dianne and that Sherry was Joanie's daughter and that Jaymie was our daughter. Or something like that! In any event we sorted out the confusion and found that she was leaving so we adopted her for the rest of the day and had a wonderful time. Here's Kelly with Joanie and Sherry:

Well, with all that love floating around there was only one thing to do, and that was to immerse myself in it! Here's Dave with the wahines (Dianne is on my right and Jaymie is on my left):


We also got a kick out of the valet boys. That is not a local band, but the guys that park our car. They are a good natured bunch, helpful, fun and always ready to joke around. One day we came down and I was carry Sherry's floatie. I pretended to be unaware of of them, and would turn around and biff one of them. Then, turn the other way and biff another. We got a good laugh out of that. Here's Sherry with a few of them:


Finally, we close with a Maui tradition. Sherry and I were married on Maui nine years ago (Dan up above performed our wedding) and we have a tradition of going back to the same spot and kissing whenever we are back on Maui. Alhtough there is no background because of the darkness, here we are nine years later celebrating almost a decade together! Please note that a stray beach ball had just been kicked up underneath my shirt appearing like a midlife bulge: