An oldie, but a goodie! Hat tip to Robbin for forwarding. I've taken the liberty to update this list by modifying the Unitarian response, and then adding three new ones at the end that I have observed in recent evangelicalism.
- Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
- Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
- Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
- Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
- Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
- Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
- Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service.
- Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull,or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
- Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
- Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
- Amish: What's a light bulb?
- Postmodern: We're not sure, but the light that shines the brightest is the light in our own hearts. Live out the expression of light while not neglecting those around you that still need their candles lit. We know that light is a metaphor for sunshine and sunshine is a simile for truth, and the circle is completed when we light the path of our lives with the sunshine of truth. Therefore celebrate the truth of light! Rejoice in the light of truth! Walk and run and marry and procreate and wash dishes in the eternal sunshine of God. Be sure to attend our special service designed to reach Goths at 7:00 pm on Saturday night, or whenever you want to show up. Read your Bible sometimes. Oh, and can somebody change the light bulb?
- Purpose Driven: One. But he's part of a new ministry team named "Caleb" (Caring And Lighting Eternal Bulbs) designed specifically for those called to light bulb changing. They meet at the church on Saturday mornings at 9:00 AM for a 15 minute video, and then the team goes to Starbucks and has muffins and coffee as they learn why the bulb needs changing and whether God has called them to a fluorescent, incandescent or halogen ministry!
- Dispensational: It doesn't matter because the true light bulb changers will be raptured, followed by seven years of power outages as the Antichrist persecutes those who would attempt to change the light bulb. During this time the mark of the beast (the Enron logo) will be put on the wrist or forehead of anyone who attempts to change the bulb. A remnant will arise and be faithful until the end, receiving either a 40 watt, 60 watt or a 100 watt reward. And then the Antichrist is thrown into a lake of fire.
