You might be a Redneck Calvinist if…
- The church you attend is not seeker-friendly, but cigar-friendly.
- You hear “Free Will,” and think about bailing out your cousin “Will” in jail.
- Your dad uses the double barrel shotgun for his own “effectual calling.”
- You think that an Amyrauldian is road kill.
- BHT means Barbeque Hogs Tonight.
- The only overalls you will buy are made by your cousin Calvin.
- You compliment your wife with, “God has ordained yur voice to sound jist like a chainsaw.”
- Your church has justified to include the banjo and harmonica under the Regulative Principle.
- Your church refuses to call the church picnic a Potluck.
- You have the five solas tattooed on your arm.
You might be a Redneck Arminian if…
- You hear “Irresistible Grace” and think of your cousin.
- There is a fiddle accompaniment with Just as I am.
- Your exegesis consists of having 2 Peter 3:9 tattooed on your arm.
- When you hear “RC” you think of Cola.
- You think that supralapsarian is some fancy new breed of dog.
- You possess more Charles Finney books than teeth.
- When the preacher mentions that we are but lumps of clay, you think of Mud Bogs.
- You hear someone say Ordo Salutis and think they had too much moonshine.
- You think “Spurgeon” is something you catch with rod & reel from your brother-in-law’s boat.
- When you hear the Institutes you think of where many of your relatives live.
- “The Chief End of Man” is where you end up after “The Fall of Man.”
- You think that “Limited Atonement” is a single barrel shotgun.
- You purchase your Dave Hunt books through the Home Shopping Network.
- When you hear “five points” it reminds you of your average monthly reduction in your driver’s record.
- You have a bumper sticker on your truck that says, “If there ain’t free will in heaven, I don’t want to go.”
