There was an interesting article in the June edition (2006) of Wired magazine that had to do with how airlines are analyzing and strategizing the most efficient ways to board airplanes. How could you NOT read an article that leads off like this:
When Einstein first pondered the mysteries of space-time, he presumably wasn't trying to figure out how to quickly cram hundreds of cranky travelers into a 737. But the math that scientists use to explain the the master's theory of relativity actually does help. A team of Israeli researchers, armed with Lorentzian geometry, has reached the same conclusion as many others: the standard back-to-front boarding procedure sucks.
No duh. I barely passed geometry, and I don't know Lorentz (it's probably not Mike Lorentz who I got a in a fight with over marijauna in high school) but it makes sense, doesn't it?
Let's see, we've got a schedule to keep and 230 people standing here with their carry on luggage and one little door leading to one skinny aisle (not including DC-10s in this illustration!) and the gate agents are trying to rush this one out because flight 317 Dallas to Cleveland has been waiting for 20 minutes for this gate to open up...and planes stack up for gates like pancakes at IHOP.
Add surly passengers and now you've got a gate agent popping prilosec like Tom Cruise on Oprah's couch (sorry, I've been waiting to use that.) Gate Agent, Gate Agent, wattcha' gonna' do when they come for you?
Well, there are interesting strategies being employed to ensure expedient boarding. Let's look at some examples (quoted from the article):
- United Airlines: seats all of the window seats first, followed by the middles seats, then last are the aisle seats. Where it fails: Upsets clingy couples and families. When middle seaters board late, it roadblocks the aisle group.
- Alaska Airlines: free boarding. Just get on. Where it fails: trades the frustration of the departure lounge for onboard chaos. Just one dawdler can gum up the whole process.
- Southwest: group unassigned. Passengers are grouped and then allowed to board by their group. Where it fails: too much freedom - has kind of a weird hippie vibe. Also: Group C?!? Do you know WHO I AM?!?
Well, having goine through a stint as a frequent flyer I learned quite a few tips and had some memorable moments. Too many to share here, but one of my favorites was catching a cat on an airplane. I was seated right behind the bulkhead separating first class from steerage, and as people were getting settled I heard a commotion in the cabin. I looked back to see a very strange sight - just like people would do a wave at a sporting event, a ripple was moving around the cabin, back and forth. Quite bizarre actually. The bulkhead had a little cutout that passengers could stretch their feet or tuck a briefcase into. I had a briefcase on my lap, when suddenly a cat darted right between my feet into the cutout. Reflexively, without any thought; I put my breifcase over the cutout like a cupboard door. Hello Kitty! The very embarrassed passenger came up and retrieved her feline amidst gestures of either amusement or annoyance. As for me, for saving the cat and getting us out of the gate on time, I got a first class meal (but no upgrade though!).
