That's my Mom

There are two phrases every man needs to know and state publicly once in a while to have healthy family relationships:

1. You, my wife; are the most youthful woman in the world.
2. You, my mom; are the most youthful woman in the world.

If you can avoid having to say those two sentences in the same room at the same time with those two women present, it is a good thing.

Now, let's talk a little about dad - he opened the car door recently and bumped his noggin - because he forgot to step back and opened the door into his head! Mom has been teasing him a little bit about this. Until a few days ago when mom tripped over a purse at work and whacked her head on a bookshelf, to the extent that she required a stitch or two. Footnote to sister Janet - we're going to have to buy little pillows to strap to mom and dad's foreheads!

Fortunately, mom works in a hospital so she just sauntered up the ER and said hi to everybody and then said "hey, does anyone have a spare moment to put a stitch in my forehead?". A doctor responded and said "you don't need a stitch, we have a glue that we can use". Mom considered that and said nope, she'll take a stitch thanks very much. I like that, Old School.

Now dad usually picks mom up from work and was a little surprised when he walked in and didn't see mom. He inquired where Bev was and was told she's up in the ER due to an accident. I think after a moment of panic he had a bit of fun turning it back on mom!

Well, working in the hospital mom had the opportunity to pull here own admission form or whatever they call the ER document. It said this (mom quickly pointed out that well nourished only distinguishes the patient from malnourishment):

Well nourished healthy female in no apparent distress who
appears years younger than her stated age.

Now, that was quite a compliment and mom doesn't even use Oil of Delay or anything like that. Way to go mom, I love you. You rock!

Mysteries and Memorabilia

I had occasion recently to involve myself into a frightening and potentially injurios expedition. Yes, I (without safety apparatus or a hazmat protective suit) ventured underneath the bed. As the dust bunnies fled for safety, I actually found the pair of shoes I had been looking for!

But wait, there's more - I found a bag of decals that I've been lugging around for years (yes, I am a packrat and would enroll in a 12 step program but I would need 14). These decals originate from the late 1970's and find their roots in the automotive racing industry. I've always had an affection for anything with a motor that can be raced - boats, motorcycles, automobiles, lawn mowers, etc. My 15 minutes of fame was actually working on some engine parts (albeit as a subcontractor in a machine shop) for Richard Petty! Well, this bag of decals contains about 30-40 decals mostly associated with drag racing, and are in perfect shape. Examples of the vendors include:

1. Champion (spark plugs)
2. Crane (camshafts)
3. Hooker (headers)
4. Torco (racing oil)
5. Fairbanks (transmissions)
6. Holley (carburetors)
7. Formula (racing tires)
8. BME (forged rods)
9. Team G (manifolds)

Now these stickers are in almost perfect shape, and there are a lot more I haven't mentioned. Maybe I'll put the whole lot on eBay for $500 bucks!

But wait, there's still more!

I found a cardboard mailing tube, like you would use to send a map or poster for shipping. Now, I have no idea what the contents are. However, I think that there are two or more items. I believe one of the items is my 1975 high school senior class picture. My school was small enough to have one panoramic picture of the whole class, and it is hilarious. My hair was down below my shoulders, and I was either so stoned I couldn't see the camera or I was adopting a tough guy stance - I don't remember. So the mystery is what is or are the other contents? This is kind of one of those delicious moments to savor - I'm going to leave the tube visible in our bedroom for a few days, and then if I still can't remember the contents I'll open it. And share with you the results.

But wait, there's even more than before!

Amongst the stuff from beneath the bed I pulled out an old, slightly yellowing envelope. Even as I touched it before I saw it I knew instantly what it was.

When I was a kid growing up in the desert, I learned the value of money through my paper route. Even had a profile once published in the paper with my motto - every paper on every porch every day. Makes me wish that our current newspaper carrier had the same commitment to service - their version goes something like this:

1. Throw the paper on the porch knocking over Sherry's vase and breaking it. Wait for us to complain.
2. Let the paper sit in the driveway absorbing rain. Wait for us to complain.
3. Throw the paper back on the porch denting the screen door. Wait for us to complain.
4. Rinse and repeat.

Idiots - is it THAT hard to simply put the paper in a dry spot without breaking something on a consistent basis? Oops! Did I say that out loud? Excuse me, just a little frustration creeping through there! Anyway, if there were any changes to my route, there would be an envelope with subscriber additions or cancellations. I found one of those envelopes and it brought back a lot of paperboy memories:

1. Folding the papers as fast as I could, whipping the rubber bands over the finished product. This was before the days like today where they use those sissy plastic bags!
2. Washing my hands afterward and watching the black ink dissolve in the hot soapy water.
3. The kind ladies at the brick/stonework factory who would buy me a coke on a hot day.
4. The canvas smell of the bags that I slung over my handlebars and learning to not unbalance my bars by throwing 3 from one side and 3 from the others. I can still smell that smell today.
5. My collecting the subscription fees - "Hi, I'm Dave Mundt and I'm collecting for the Ledger Gazette". There is an interesting parallel here that I never realized until now - the paper route was my very first job and I think was 11 or 12. My first job at US Bank was as a collector about 25 years later and my patter went something like this - "Hi, I'm Dave Mundt from US Bank and if you don't pay your auto loan I'm going to repossess it".
6. Once a month on (I think it was Wednesdays) we gave a paper to every single customer on our route to entice their business. The volume was significant enough there was no way I could do it on my bike, so dad would help me. We would literally fill the trunk of our old Ford Falcon with newspapers and Dave, and dad would slowly drive down the street as I chucked papers out of the trunk, right and left; right and left.

Well, probably the coolest thing on that envelope was seeing our old address - 44945 16th Street West, Lancaster California. Yeah, I'm just indulging here on a trip down memory lane but you want to know how old that envelope is? Well, here's a clue: our phone number at the time was Whitehall 2-3563!

Yeah, I'm a packrat. And I'm going to have to look under the bed more often!

Mama's Bible

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered.Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mama sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:

• "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
• "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
• "Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
• "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
  
  HT to Ben Witherington

MMmmm - Enchiladas!

We had enchiladas the other night. Not just any enchiladas, but Sherry's special recipe. I won't share all of the details, but we have gotten many requests for the recipe and Sherry has been invited as a guest of Martha Stewart to demonstrate how easy they are to make. However, her (Sherry's) time is filled with more important agenda items than placating Martha so she has had to turn her down.

But I digress. Sherry is getting pretty amazing in the kitchen, and even has been making Kadie's (Kadie is our beloved dog) dog food. Sherry has been convinced that commercial dog food makers have compromised canine quality and health and also have been found to be tied to Haliburton (this statement remains a rumor and is uncomfirmed).

Well, after our enchilada feast I put leftovers in a container for work the next day. There's something about enchiladas (and pizza) that creates a gastronomical delight after continuing to ferment overnight. The flavors tend to distribute throughout the substance of the food, tantalizing taste buds to excess.

All morning long I was anticipating enchiladas, and then - lunchtime! I put the leftovers into the microwave, let the magic rays caress my meal for a few minutes, and then almost salivating pulled the container out. Hmmm, thought I; these don't look like enchiladas. Then it hit me - I had grabbed a container of dog food! Now, the dog food Sherry makes is not the kind of stuff swept up from a butcher's floor. I knew it was chicken and..and...what is that? It was either very overcooked rice or mashed potatoes that were slightly less cooked. I took a fork and and sampled it, yecccch - very bland, still unconfirmed starchy substance clinging to the bits of chicken. I couldn't handle it.

Just as a colleague entered the kitchen area, I turned and scooped all of it into the trash. He looked at me kind of funny and I felt I needed to qualify - "it's OK, I said - it's just my wife's cooking". He looked startled, and I realized I needed to qualify my qualification - "what I mean to say is that my wife's cooking is dog food".

He looked even more startled. I gave up.

Valentine's Day 2006

Happy Valentine's Day honey! This year for Valentine's Day I took Sherry to a favorite place of ours, the Surfsand Resort at Cannon Beach here in Oregon for an overnight trip. It's usually a gamble at the northern Oregon coast as to the weather in February, but we were treated to a spectacular day. It was calm and as the afternoon wore on, the high clouds were eviscerated of their hold on the day and the sun came out beckoning man and beast (every single dog owner in Portland was at the beach that day, including us) to frolic in the warm winter wonderland.

I overheard a woman say to her companion (referring to the sand) "...it's so light and fluffy, and then down by the ocean it gets harder".

(crickets chirping)

As we checked in, in an unusual self display of assertiveness I relayed that I was disappointed with their website, noting that the workflow led me directly to the rack rate. Now, if there is anything I despise more than paying rack rate at a hotel, I cannot think of it. Give me a discount for early check in, late check in, grey hair, owning a Ford Ranger, anything - but give me a discount. "Well", said the helpful attendant; "that shouldn't have happened". After a chat with the manager and an apology to me, our room rate was slashed by 50%! Thank you very much.

After a few hours on the beach, it was still a skosh too early for dinner but pretty late for lunch. We opted for a late lunch at the Lumberyard and although the service was poor the food was fantastic. I would go again.

Here's a pic of my two favorite gals:

Here's Kadie posing for the camera. If you look closely you will see that she has caught her prey and is guarding it carefully between her paws. Tennis balls with a little beach sand never tasted so good!

The next morning (Monday) we again ventured down to the beach, but it was a vastly different scenario - the wind had picked up, the temperature had dropped probably 10 or more degrees (it is difficult to tell as the wind chill certainly brings a subjective element to the estimating). The clouds reclaimed their status on the sky, and we could only stay out for about an hour as even GoreTex could not subdue the chill. But we know what would. Descending on to that fine Northwest cuisine destination like seagulls to scraps, Pig-N-Pancake welcomed us with open arms and we left satiated with syrup-laden breakfast foods.

On the way home, Highway 26 snakes through the coast range and coming around a corner, we saw a lit flare on the side of the road. Decelerating, we passed a few more flares until what looked like an accident scene came into view. The cars in front of us were slowing down, and an officer was walking the shoulder looking intently into the forest. Our hearts beat faster - what had his rapt attention? Perhaps a fugitive, a modern day Rambo about to spring onto the highway from his forest abode? Suddenly, the officer stood upright and our hearts beat even faster as we saw movement in the woods - emerging into sight, it was indeed a fugitive - a large calf, probably weighing about 400 - 500 lbs, made its way to the shoulder of the road. Now, what do YOU do when you see a cow on the side of the road from a moving car?

Yes, I was strongly tempted to "MOOOoooo" but I don't think the officer would have been amused!

Where is the corkscrew?

We went over to Charlie and Jill's house Friday night for poker. There is never a shortage of laughter with these guys, and Sherry and I adore them. We brought a bottle of wine, but they are not wine drinkers and did not have a corkscrew.

Charlie is one of those guys who can fix anything. He and Jill took a beat up old fixer upper house and transformed it into a stunning display of blending of old craftsman and new interior design.

No corkscrew? No problem. Charlie goes into the garage, comes back with a wood screw and a cordless 18 volt Bosch drill. "RRRrrrrr" says the drill as it imbeds the screw into the cork. "Woomp" says the cork as with the assistance of a pair of pliers it is wrested from it's snug abode. "Gurggle" goes the wine as it is poured into glasses, and a good time was had by all.

You might go to a redneck church if...

Hat tip to Robbin. You might be going to a redneck church if:

1. People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
2. When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
3. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
4. A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive Ford truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
5. The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."
6. Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" is the favorite wine for communion.
7. In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in thechurch directory.
8. Baptism is referred to as "branding."
9. There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.
10. Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.
11. High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
12. People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
13. The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub.
14. The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo) from Billy Bob's Barbecue.

And finally, you might be going to a redneck church if the collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy!

What's in a song?

Matthew Johnson posts at BHT that

"..this morning we kicked off a revamped early service that's a little more interactive and definitely more upbeat/younger when it comes to worship songs. That's both good and bad. Check out the lyrics to one song we sang. Tell me if it is about Jesus. I can't tell".

The song he is referring to is "Deeply in love with you" by Kate Spence.

Does Matthew have a point? Let's look at the lyrics:

In my life, You've heard me say I love You
How do I show You it's true
Hear my heart it longs for more of You
I've fallen deeply in love with You

You have stolen my heart
I'm captivated by You
Never will You and I part
I've fallen deeply in love with You

You and I together forever
Nothing can stand in the way
My love for You grows stronger each new day
I've fallen deeply in love with You

©1998 Kate Spence (Admin. by Here To Him Group, LLC)All rights reserved. International copyright secured.CCLI song #2583596

OK, maybe he has a point. it's a little vague and could be applied to different scenarios. But now look at lyrics in this song:

I can't stop the feeling I've been this way before
But, with you I've found the key
To open any door
I can feel my love for you
Growing stronger day by day

Is this love that I'm feeling
Is this the love that I've been searching for
Is this love or am I dreaming
This must be love
Because it's really got a hold on me, a hold on me

Now that's a great Christian song, right? Wrong.

Well, Song #2 certainly has similar lyrical themes - in fact, it was written before Kate's song so it makes me wonder if it perhaps influenced her? Was she a rocker in 1989? Was she at a Whitesnake concert and moved by David Coverdale tossing his long mane of blond and then moved by the Psalms of King David at a time of Christian conversion?

The Whitesnake song certainly wasn't written to bring glory to God, and that's what I believe is Matthew's beef. Kate's song is just generic enough that it's meaning could be changed based on the context it us used in. Therefore, the song becomes equivocal rather than univocal. If the song can be used in a church service, sung at a wedding, listened to on aisle 5 whilst selecting a cantaloupe then has it really distinguised and glorified God? I think not.

I'm privilged to be at a church that uses contemporary worship songs but they are chosen with great care. Once in a while something may come across the bow that may be somewhat like Kate's song, but in the context of our worship services you never, ever wonder who the focus of the song is about.

That's why I love words - they are so important, yet so fragile and easily misunderstood by the meanings we pour into them and the context in which they are used.

The poet John Donne had a life filled with advancements to greatness and then plunges into valleys of defeat. He had an amazing mind though, and his writing is reveals his relationship with God. For example, look at this selection. I don't think there is any ambiguity as to the object of his affection. If my life were a book, I hope the chapters reveal this kind of clarity not only of my love for, but my struggles with; Jesus Christ the Lord:

Batter my heart, three-personed God; for you

As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;

That I may rise and stand, o’erthrow me, and bend

Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.

I, like an usurped town, to another due,

Labor to admit you, but O, to no end;

Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,but is captived,
and proves weak or untrue.

yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,

But am betrothed unto your enemy.

Divorce me, untie or break that knot again;

Take me to you, imprison me, for I,

Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,

Nor even chaste, except you ravish me.

Now that's good writing! No ambiguity there, is there? Would that all of our songs have this kind of communication (from Holy Sonnett XIV, "Batter my heart oh three-personed God").

Seeking the Unfriendly Seekers

So, I'm approaching our church on Sunday - walking through the parking lot in the rain with my head down, I noticed a license plate frame that had some cute little saying like:

Angels are watching over me

Aww, isn't that cute? I had to pause though to ponder the meaning - was it supposed to purport that image of a delicate little angel wearing diapers helping a birdie meant to represent the fragility of the human race? Or, should it raise the visage of the archangel Michael, sword drawn and refelecting the light of God from the polished blade ready to strike at the enemy (if I had a custom license plate frame about angels it would probably say something like "my guardian angel beat up your guardian angel".


Well, as I got closer to the church yet another customized license plate frame came into view. This one though had no pretense of "churchianity" and did not care that it's driver was worshiping in a house of God. It simply said:

Kiss my A$$

Well, none of the church staff will admit that it is their car. Perhaps it is yours?!?!

Search results from Google you don't want to see

I've enjoyed relatively good health until recently, and rarely availed myself of the service of my Primary Care Physician, Dr. Thomas Firth. He's an awesome doctor, and has been the only one I've seen in my 26 years in Portland, albeit on a pentagonal schedule! I suppose then 5 visits is not too much, but hey - I like the guy.

The net result is that I never know his phone number and have to look it up. Dr. Firth practices at Providence Hospital, so into google typed I the following search criteria:

providence thomas firth

The very first result said this:

The defendant, Thomas Firth (Firth), stands convicted on one count of first-degree murder by a Providence County Superior Court jury.

It seems the good doctor has and evil doppleganger! I'll confess my heart skipped just a teeny beat. But let me reassure you, the Thomas Firth I know would never roll into a convenience store parking lot in an old beater station wagon and blow away the victim with a shotgun. I hope!

Happy New Year!

It's been an interesting month for me. To be honest, it started the day after Christmas so we squeezed a little personal tragedy into December as well. hasn't been a good month at all. But, it gives me hope that all the bad things that could happen to me in 2006 have run their course, and it's downhill from here! Disclaimer:

What follows is simply a lot of whining. A lot of "woe is me". The Pity Party is in session and I'm the guest of honor. Yes, I'm more miserable than Oprah on a diet. Many readers will roll their eyes and say "you think you have it bad? I agree, things could be a lot worse. But indulge me for a moment or two!

1. Dec 26, 2005 - got sick
2. Dec 27, 2005 - truck broke down in Yreka, California
3. Dec 28, 2005 - dealt with the worst plugged toilet I've ever experienced
4. Dec 31, 2005 - garage door motor burned out. Too sick to go to New Years party. Sherry went alone and had a great time.
5. Jan 01, 2006 - service call for the garage door motor - paid way too much cause I'm still sick and can't install it, the guy was a great salesman and now I have a 3/4 horsepower dual light, climate controlled, 6 CD changer plus MP3 player, dual dipstick garage door opener. It opens cans too.
6. Jan 02, 2006 - still sick, and fell off of the roof attempting to remove Christmas lights. Laid there and cried in pain for a few mins, realized no one heard me and sighed, slapped my ego, checked for broken bones, took 3 advil and went to bed.
7. Jan 03 - 07 - still sick. Went to urgent care. They didn't care very urgently and really not all that much, but was diagnosed with severe sinus infection. Taking meds.
8. Jan 08, 2006 - shaking in fear, went up on roof to remove lights. Found that Sherry (she had put them up in November) had nailed them to the roof. Trembling now in barely controlled irrational panic, descended ladder, got a nail puller and pair of pliers, and shakily ascended to the roof. Reached for the first strand of lights and ripped pants from crotch to knee. Grateful I was wearing underwear. Neighbors are getting steaks on the grill and opening beers to watch me.
9. Jan 09 - 11 - still sick. Went to urgent care. They told me to lose some weight. I said I'm hear because I'm sick. "oh", they said. Good news - sinus infection gone. Bad news - severe cold. Said don't go to work on Thursday and Friday.
10. Jan 12 - called mom to wish her a happy birthday. It wasn't her birthday.
11. Jan 12 - 24. Still sick, escalating into very bad asthma. Not sleeping well. Miserable.
12. Jan 25 - Saved my own life. Sherry out of town, I'm eating chicken and rice and got a chunk stuck in my throat. Unable to swallow, not choking but increasing in pain. Remembered watching t.v. and gave myself the Hindenburg maneuver by leaning over the sink, making a fist and drawing my knuckled thumb up the bottom of my ribcage to just under the sternum, and with sudden, hard exertion depressing my thumb into my diaphragm. Woomph! Popped the sucker right out to my surprise!
13. Jan 25-31 - sick, sick, sick. Sick and tired of being sick.

Well, I'm finally getting this post published in early February and I'm feeling much better. I hope all the bad stuff that is going to happen to me this year is now in the past!

The Marriage Cookie

Congratulations to Daryl & Amy on their engagement! . In a perfect way that mirrors Daryl's character, he proposed in an unorthodox, goofy and yet sentimental way. As you read through this note, the cast includes: Daryl, his daughter Amy, his son Nathan, and Amy. In the last paragraph there is a reference to Tatsue. Tatsue was Daryl's wife who passed away last year after a long, hard struggle with cancer. Just as we said goodbye to dear Tatsue who is now with God and the angels, we say hello to Amy and welcome her and her son Jackson into our extended family and surround her with love, joy and acceptance.

Nathan is an exceedingly sweet and intelligent little boy (9 years old), and this note came out from Daryl in September 2005, and although they have been moving in that direction for a while we didn't feel prudent to post until Daryl officially asked, and Amy officially said yes! Both conditions have now been fulfilled and I give to you - The Marriage Cookie as told by Daryl:

"Today after Church Amy, Ayumi, Nathan and I entered the Subaru. Nathan had a little piece of cookie left and he gave it to me so he would not spill crumbs in our new car. Anyway, knowing that Amy loves chocolate, I saved a small corner bite with chocolate chips and m & m’s and fed it to her. That prompted Nathan to excitedly say, “that must be the marriage cookie, because I know you guys are in loooooovvvveeee”.

I asked him what the marriage cookie stood for, and he said “When you share, your destinies become intertwined and you become part of one another’s life together and share the sweetness for all your life”

I asked him how he could know we were in love. He said you are good enough friends to be girlfriend and boyfriend first and now husband and wife. He said, “becasuse you are in loooooovvvvvvee, you should smoochie pooh”.

I said what is a smoochie pooh?

He puckered up his lips and made sucking sounds as he leaned towards us.

So I leaned over and gave Amy a “smoochie pooh”. I said how was that?

Nathan said “dad your search is over”

Dad said “What’s that mean?”

Nathan said “You don’t need to search for a woman anymore, you finally found your true love”

Then he told the joke “what do you call two spiders who are married? Newlywebs!!!” Then he told us about the “Frog Kiss”. He said the female frog sticks out her tongue and the male frog sticks out his to lick it. I tried to find out where he learned that but he said he just did. Then he said we need to go to the jewelry store now. Dad goes with me and Ayumi goes with Amy. You need to buy both engagement and wedding rings at the same time. There is no need to go to the church for the wedding, we can save on gas. You should just have an automatic wedding. Give each other the rings and “poof” you are married.

So when I got home, I went upstairs to my computer and started writing. Not wanting to forget anything, I called to Nathan downstairs for help. He yells back “Am I setting up the wedding already?” Thanks!

He runs up stairs all excited. He hands me some “marriage mints” (tic tacs) and says they have the same purpose as the marriage cookie, but also they freshen your breath so you can be a better bride and groom. Then he grabs some “marriage gum” and says “it automatically freshens your breath.

Then he tells us we need to read the “How to make a girl baby or boy baby” book. He accidentally found this book several weeks ago in a pile in my room that was books and junk I took from my old be headboard from the bed I gave away. I did not even know I had it let alone he was reading it. Anyway, he said “Please read this book on your wedding night and find the way that fits most perfectly to make a girl or boy baby, whichever you want the most. If a boy, maybe sprinkle salt on the bed. If a girl, you could hang garlic over the bed. I know another method that moms take off their wedding ring and step over it and it leads to either a boy or girl, I can’t remember which. But she can put the ring under the pillow and get the opposite effect of stepping over her ring. Where is the book? I gotta find it!”

Well Amy and I are pretty much speechless. At least we know where my kids stand on our relationship! I try to explain to Nathan that maybe he is speaking some prophetic words from God. But I explain that no matter how Amy and I may feel for each other at this time, we need to hear clearly from God when the proper time may be for becoming united (Nathan at one point of our conversation had mentioned we should become united in marriage). I told him I believe God is building something beautiful here but everything must come in His timing. Both of us want more than anything what God wants for not only our personal lives but those of our families. If he brings us together as a family, it will be in His time and with His blessings.

“God I love that kid (Nathan). He never ceases to amaze me. Thank you Father so much for my son Nathan and his tender, loving, sincere, perceptive, heart and that you truly made him the “Ultimate in Sillyness”! And thank you God for my beautiful, sweet daughter who plays along with her big brother with a huge smile and lots of giggles. I thank you for the healing in our lives and for the blessings you are pouring out on us as a family. I also thank you for what I believe you are orchestrating in bringing two families together to become one. I know Tatsue is smiling in heaven seeing how well you are taking care of us. We will always miss her, never forget her and were so blessed in our time with her. May we find such favor from You again Father. May Your glory shine forever through all we say and the lives we live. May Your Holy Spirit be our guide and protector through trials ahead. In the name of your precious son, Jesus, I ask these things over my family and if Your will, my future family. Amen”

A Lesson in Acceleration

As you may know from perusing my blog, I have an affection for all things internally combustionized - but particulary the raw muscle of a good old American built V-8 stretched to the very limits of it's physical ability to produce horsepower. Case in point (via Kirk to Joey to me, and note that some of the records quoted are several years old and are now likely eclipsed):

First, some useful info:

1. One Top Fuel dragster 500 cubic inch Hemi engine makes more horsepower than the first 4 rows at the Indy 500.
2. Under full throttle, a Top Fuel dragster engine consumes 1 gallon of nitromethane per second; a fully loaded 747 consumes jet fuel at the same rate with 25% less energy being produced.
3. A stock Dodge 426 Hemi V8 engine cannot produce enough power to drive the dragster's supercharger.
4. With 3000 CFM of air being rammed in by the supercharger on overdrive, the fuel mixture is compressed into a near-solid form before ignition. Cylinders run on the verge of hydraulic lock at full throttle.
5. At the stoichiometric 1.7:1 air/fuel mixture for nitromethane the flame front temperature measures 7050 degrees F.
6. Nitromethane burns yellow. The spectacular white flame seen above the stacks at night is raw burning hydrogen, dissociated from atmospheric water vapor by the searing exhaust gases.
7. Dual magnetos supply 44 amps to each spark plug. This is the output of an arc welder in each cylinder.
8. Spark plug electrodes are totally consumed during a pass. After 1/2 way, the engine is dieseling from compression plus the glow of exhaustvalves at 1400 degrees F. The engine can only be shut down by cutting the fuel flow.
9. If spark momentarily fails early in the run, unburned nitro builds up in the affected cylinders and then explodes with sufficient force to blow cylinder heads off the block in pieces or split the block in half.
10. In order to exceed 300 mph in 4.5 seconds dragsters must accelerate at an average of over 4G's. In order to reach 200 mph well before half-track, the launch acceleration approaches 8G's.
11. Dragsters reach over 300 miles per hour before you have completed reading this sentence.
12. Top Fuel Engines turn approximately 540 revolutions from light to light!
13. Including the burnout the engine must only survive 900 revolutions underload.
14. The red-line is actually quite high at 9500 rpm.

The Bottom Line; Assuming all the equipment is paid off, the crew worked for free, and for once NOTHING BLOWS UP, each run costs an estimated$1,000.00 per second. The current Top Fuel dragster elapsed time record is 4.441 seconds for the quarter mile (10/05/03, Tony Schumacher). The top speed record is 333.00 mph (533 km/h) as measured over the last 66' of the run,(09/28/03 Doug Kalitta).

Putting all of this into perspective:

You are riding the average $250,000 Honda MotoGP bike. Over a mile up the road, a Top Fuel dragster is staged and ready to launch down a quarter milestrip as you pass. You have the advantage of a flying start. You run theRC211V hard up through the gears and blast across the starting line andpast the dragster at an honest 200 mph (293 ft/sec).

The 'tree' goes green for both of you at that moment. The dragster launches and starts after you. You keep your wrist cranked hard, but you hear an incredibly brutal whine that sears your eardrums and within 3 seconds the dragster catches and passes you. He beats you to the finish line, a quarter mile away from where you just passed him.

Think about it, from a standing start, the dragster had spotted you 200 mph and not only caught, but nearly blasted you off the road when he passed you within a mere 1320 foot long race course.

That, folks, is acceleration!

The Mosaic Sacrificial System - why does it not exist today?

One of the most horrific events in history was the destruction of Jerusalem in 70 A.D by Rome under the command of Titus. Scholar Ray C. Stedman comments on the predictions of Jesus and their fulfillment in history a few years later:

In Luke 21:20 we have other details of this predicted overthrow of the city and the Temple. There Jesus adds, "But when you see Jerusalem surrounded by armies, then know that its desolation has come near." Forty years later the Roman armies under Titus came in and fulfilled the prediction to the very letter. With Titus was a Jewish historian named Josephus who recorded the terrible story in minute detail. It was one of the most ghastly sieges in all history. When the Romans came the city was divided among three warring factions of Jews who were so at each others' throats that they paid no heed to the approach of the Romans. Thus Titus came up and surrounded the city while it was distracted by its own internecine warfare. The Romans assaulted the walls again and again, and gave every opportunity to the Jews to surrender and save their capital from destruction.

During the long siege a terrible famine raged in the city and the bodies of the inhabitants were literally stacked like cordwood in the streets. Mothers ate their children to preserve their own strength. The toll of Jewish suffering was horrible but they would not surrender the city. Again and again they attempted to trick the Romans through guile and perfidy. When at last the walls were breached Titus tried to preserve the Temple by giving orders to his soldiers not to destroy or burn it. But the anger of the soldiers against the Jews was so intense that, maddened by the resistance they encountered, they disobeyed the order of their general and set fire to the Temple. There were great quantities of gold and silver there which had been placed in the Temple for safekeeping. This melted and ran down between the rocks and into the cracks of the stones. When the soldiers captured the Temple area, in their greed to obtain this gold and silver they took long bars and pried apart the massive stones. Thus, quite literally, not one stone was left standing upon another. The Temple itself was totally destroyed, though the wall supporting the area upon which the Temple was built was left partially intact and a portion of it remains to this day, called the Western Wall.

One of the obvious effects of the destruction was that Israel no longer had a temple, or a corporate (national) place where sacrificial offerings for atonement could be held. I have wondered why then the Jewish sacrificial system stopped? Why wouldn't it continue in another location or locations where significant numbers of Jews would eventually gather?

One of the resources that I frequent is a website about Judiasm. It has a great feature that has been helpful to me called "ask the Rabbi" where (after registration) you can submit questions and receive answers from a Rabbi. They have just created a site where frequently asked questions and their response are posted for quick reference. Here's an entry from November 22, 2005 that addresses my very question:

What do we do about sacrifices when there is no Temple?

Since the Temple was built, it has not been permissible to offer sacrifices elsewhere; see Deut.12:13-14. When there was a Temple, people who lived far away from it used to make pilgrimages to Jerusalem on the holidays, or at least once a year, to offer any sacrifices that they owed. When there is no Temple we have no way of fulfilling any of the Commandments associated with the sacrifices. But we aren’t punished for our failure to do so, because the lack of a Temple isn’t our fault as individuals (though it certainly is our fault collectively).

Here is the text of Deuteronomy 12:13-14 (NIV) : Be careful not to sacrifice your burnt offerings anywhere you please. Offer them only at the place the LORD will choose in one of your tribes, and there observe everything I command you.

Day of the Living Dead

No, this post is not a review of some B grade movie that you watched at a drive-in in 1968. This post has to do with one of the more puzzling scriptures regarding : events surrounding Jesus' death on the cross and His subsequent resurrection. In Matthew 27: 51-53 we find that these things happened:

1. The curtain separating the holy place from the holy of holies was rent.
2. Luke (23:44,45) and Mark (15:33) add that the sun stopped shining for about 4 hours.
3. Earthquakes occurred and rocks were split open.
4. Certain individuals rose from the dead and went into Jerusalem!
   

Point number 4 leads to many good questions, including these:

1. Who were these people?
2. When did their resurrection happen?
3. Was their resurrection temporal or permanent?
4. What did they do after they were resurrected?
5. What body were they resurrected to?
6. What happened to them after their mission, whatever it was; was accomplished?

Let's first set the stage by dealing with the facts, which include timing, qualification, quantity and purpose.

1. Timing - these individuals were resurrected AFTER Christ's resurrection, not before.
2. Qualification - the verses tell us that these were saints (NIV - holy). There is no mention of unrighteous being resurrected.
3. Quantity - the verses tell us that many resurrections ocurred.
4. Purpose - rather than being resurrected to just resume their earthly life, there seemed to be a mission or reason for this - they went into the holy city (Jerusalem) and appeared to many people.

Before going any further, let's address the question of what bodies they were resurrected into! We are not told, but we can deduce from scripture that there are two possibilities:

1. Their natural, physical body (pre-glorification)
2. Their supernatural, spiritual body (post-glorification). I will refer to this as the resurrection body.

There is a third possibility that does not have scriptural precedent, and that is that they were resurrected into a temporary body for that specific reason that was neither their natural or supernatural body. I will reject this possibility as mentioned that I find no precedent, and also this would be aligned more with a worldview of reincarnation (resurrected into a temporary body for a period of time) rather than resurrection.

Biblical precedents do exist for individuals resurrected or raised into their natural bodies. These include:

1. The widow's son raised by Elijah (1 Kings 17:17-24)
2. The Shunammite's son raised by Elisha (2 Kings 4:18-37)
3. Anonymous dead man who was raised after his post-mortem body touched Elisha's bones (2 Kings 13:20-21)
4. Jairus' daughter raised by Jesus (Matthew 19:18-26)
5. The widow's son raised by Jesus (Luke 7:11-17)
6. Lazarus raised by Jesus (John 11:38-44)
7. Tabitha raised by Peter (Acts 9:37-41)
8. Eutychus raised by Paul (Acts 20:9-21)

Note that these examples span both Old and New Covenants, and were thus performed by pre and post cross individuals. Although not explicitly stated, we infer that these individuals lived the remainder of their lives and then died a natural death. The next question then is there any Biblical precedent for anyone who was resurrected or raised into their resurrection body? Other than Jesus, I'm not aware of any. Because of this distinction I will then use two different terms to refer to the activity of bringing back someone from the dead:

1. Raised - the action of God's supernatural power reuniting or restoring the spirit to the natural (temporal) body.
2. Resurrected - the action of God's supernatural power reuniting or restoring the spirit to the supernatural (eternal) body.

Noe (Shattering the Left Behind Delusion pp. 64-67) postulates from a full preterist position that the individuals spoken of in Matthew were resurrected, not raised (again using my definitions above). He then explains that upon death, the believer immediately obtains their resurrection body for all eternity. Although he makes a good case, I would not say that his arguments are convincing. First, my point above regarding precedence for resurrection over raising. Second, his addressing of the problem of "bones in the ground" is lacking. As we know for various reasons bodies are exhumed today. If the resurrection reunites the spirit to it's temporal body and then that body becomes eternal, there would be no "bones in the ground" which seems to be consistent with 1 Thessalonians 4:15-18. Third, as Hanegraaff points out (Resurrection, p. 112) this reasoning has already been addressed by Paul who...

...denounces such notions as godless chatter and explicitly condemns Hymenaeus and Philetus for saying that the resurrection had already taken place (2 Timothy 2:16-18)

Finally, there is the problem of where our resurrection bodies reside. Revelation 21 & 22 tell us about our final destination, heaven. Paradise lost becomes paradise restored and this happens AFTER the Great White Throne judgment, not before it. Noe's model has us receiving our resurrected bodies PRIOR to the home that we will live in with them which seems to be contrary to scripture teaching on the resurrection. Therefore, I conclude that the people spoken of in Matthew are RAISED to their physical bodies and then experienced a natural death - again!

Now, let's look at the quantity or numerical assignment. The Greek word for "many" is polus (Strong's 5118) and is also translated elswhere as "more numerous" and "greater numbers". Contrasting that with other Greek words also translated many such as hikanos that indicate simply a large number, we deduce that the use of this word denotes a superior quantity rather than a sufficient quantity. Therefore, it is possible that not just many but more than 50% of the righteous dead in graves around Jerusalem were raised. Is it possible to actually assign a physical number? Josephus in his historical works estimates that over 1, 000,000 (one million) Jews were killed in the destruction of Jerusalem approximately 37 years after this event, so it is not unreasonable to think that the average population was around a million in this timeframe. I'm not sure how we would quantify a percentage of living residents to those in the grave who were righteous, but again the usage of the word polus we could very conservatively see several hundred persons who were raised in the Matthean event. What is interesting though is that we have no (to my knowledge) external sources talking about these raisings, and I would think that this event would have made quite an impact.

These people were raised for some kind of a purpose, as they went into Jerusalem "and appeared to many people". Because we know that they were righteous, and surmising that they located people who knew them (probably family, friends and co-workers) they most likely were not calling the unrighteous to repentance but comforting the righteous in revelation that Jesus had indeed conquered death. Why do I not believe that these people were evangelizing? In Luke 16:19-31 we find Jesus telling the story of Lazarus and the Rich Man. To summarize the story, the Rich Man was unrighteous and upon death entered the place of torment where Lazarus entered paradise (referred to as Abraham's Bosom). Upon realizing the error of his ways, the Rich Man appealed to Abraham to send Lazarus to his five brothers so that they would repent and not make the same mistake. Abraham responds in a curious way - let's look at the conclusion of the story:

And he (the Rich Man) said, 'Then I beg you, father (Abraham), that you send him (Lazarus) to my father's house - for I have five brothers - in order that he may warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.' "But Abraham said, 'They have Moses and the Prophets; let them hear them.' "But he said, 'No, father Abraham, but if someone goes to them from the dead, they will repent!' "But he said to him, 'If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be persuaded even if someone rises from the dead.'"

Additionally, from Acts 1&2 the missionary command and the pentecostal event had not yet occured. If they had been sent to Jerusalem to evangelize, they would preceded the Holy Spirit given by Jesus himself for and what benefit would that have been? We conclude then from post-mortem pre-resurrection (whew!) evangelism is not a valid model and can be discarded.

Putting it all together

We conclude then that possibly hundreds of people that rose from the grave as recorded in Matthew 27 re-entered their natural bodies, and went into Jerusalem not to evangelize but to bring comfort and encouragement to their loved ones who were already believers, and then they died a natural death.

We assume (as this is an argument from silence) that the lack of external evidence may lend credence that the event happened, as the witnessing to believers would have reinforced the rapidly emerging belief system in the resurrection and their emergence would have been greeted with great joy in the somewhat private venue of family. If the raised people were sent primarily to evangelize, they would have been public oriented and then some evidence may have produced. Sure, it's weak but that's why I label it as an assumption! pre-pentecost evangelists which is unlikely.

OBJECTIONS: Hebrews 9:27 states that is appointed once for men to die (not twice!), and then the judgment. This event then would be a violation of that principle. How do we reconcile that? One answer may be that the Hebrews author is not attempting to establish an edict, but to underscore the fact that there will come a time when death (i.e. separation of body from spirit) would occur and then judgment, which is the object of the sentence. Additionally, miracles in the Bible typically involve a suspension of natural laws. Therefore, we may conclude that Hebrews 9:27 does not stand in objection to Matthew 27.

California Speed Enforcement

On my recent road trip, I'm always amused by the notification of how the law enforcement on Interstate 5 in Northern California is carried out. Now when I say Northern California, I don't mean the Napa Valley! I don't even mean Sacramento or San Fancisco, I mean the real Northern California which is the approximately 150 mile stretch between the Oregon border and Redding. Although heavily trafficed, not much separates the communities of Yreka, Weed, Mt Shasta, Dunsmuir and Lakehead except some long stretches of 'nothingness' (and a few even smaller communites that are probably mad at me for not mentioning them - OK Vollmers, there you go! Your 15 minutes of fame).

As I crested the Siskiyou Summit and began my descent into California from Oregon, I noticed a sign that said "Speed Enforced by Radar". Hmmm, let's test the system; shall we? I accelerated up to about 95 MPH and waited to see what would happen. Unbeknownst to me, 3 miles above the Earth a CHP (California Highway Patrol) KH-12 Keyhole Satellite (leased from the National Security Administration) had picked me up as a 'blip'. The satellite repositioned itself with gentle nudges from it's navigation thrusters and quickly had me tracked.

The onboard capacitors began their charging sequence, and then began to merge the radar with the powerful wattage that would be it's swift carrier of justice. How it works is this: the radar beam would be concentrated into a non-lethal blast of energy that would fry every electronic component on the target vehicle, thus bringing the speed infraction to an abrupt halt.

Well, as I traveled I caught a glimpse high in the atmosphere - and it hit me! Not the condensed radar beam, but the knowledge that I was seconds away from being blasted. I quickly reached behind the seat and grabbed the reflective windshield screen that put up on hot summer days when I have the truck parked. The beam hit the screen and was reflected back up to the satellite, frying it's internal circuitry. Unguided and adrift, it lost orbit and feel through the atmosphere creating an immense fireball and the wreckage rained down upon Mt. Shasta.

Unfortunately, some of the locals thought it portended the emergence of the ancient race of Lemurians and ran into the streets chanting, throwing flowers into the air and burning their homes in anticipation of being greeted by Shamballa-the-lesser and spiritually transported to their home on Alpha Centauri (you think I'm making this stuff up! Ha - check the link).

Enraged at the loss of the satellite, the CHP then began to execute their backup plan. It was at that time that I passed a sign that said "Patrolled by Aircraft". Hmm, what could one little Cessna do - pop me with a paintgun so a patrol car could pick me out of the fray and slap with an infraction? Ha! Let 'em try.

Well, as I got south of Yreka as you know the speed limit kicks up to 75 MPH. Which means, you can drive close to 80 MPH and likely not get ticketed (this is Dave Mundt conventional wisdom and not what really might happen to you!). So, to make up some time and knowing that I'd taken out the satellite, I boosted up to about 95 - 105 MPH.

As I sped toward my destination this conversation was occurring:

"Blue Leader One, this is Firebase Charlie. Do you copy?" "Blue Leader One, copy". "Blue Leader One, we've got reports of a fast mover 10 klicks south of of Yreka, going south. Black Ford Ranger license Whiskey Foxtrot November Six Seven Eight. Abort current mission, intercept fast mover and remove from freeway with extreme prejudice. confirm mission". "Firebase Charlie, this is Blue Leader One copying abort current mission and intercept and destroy speed violator on India - Five".

Blue Leader One was a F-15 Eagle, and it's current mission was performing strafing runs on Marijuana plantations concealed in the Trinity Alps (it is said that on the Trinity Alps if you listen carefully you can hear the DEA helicopters searching out marijuana plantation sites even on the quietest night). The pilot yanked the control yoke, and hit the afterburner while calculating the fuel cost of intercepting me and the potential of return to battle the evil drug dealers taking cover in some of the most beautiful and rugged areas of the Pacific Northwest. As the twin 34,000 horsepower General Electric engines roared their fury, I continued on unaware of the impending disaster.

The pilot reached me in minutes, and radioed Firebase Charlie - "Firebase Charlie, Blue Leader One reports target in sight and commencing operation speed justice". Firebase Charlie replied with those chilling words no Interstate Five motorist ever wants to hear - "Blue Leader One, you are cleared for mission completion. Take 'em out, Joe".

Blue Leader One banked the Eagle into a hard turn to position himself in an advantageous position for weapon acquisition. The flightsuit bladders filled with compressed air to keep Joe's blood out of the trunk of his body and in his head as much as possible to reduce the probabillity of brownout or blackout. Joe grunted as his peripheral vision narrowed, and then he came out of the turn and was coming up on my tail at over 900 MPH. Knowing he would quickly overshoot me, he pushed his nose up 30 degrees and popped his air brake to bleed off speed, and then gently came nose down. The synthetic aperture radar had no trouble acquiring me as belied by the "deedle deedle deedle" tone in his headset. With chilling lack of emotion of the drama that was about to play out, the onboard weapons computer reported in a bland voice "target acquired". Joe selected a AGM-65 Maverick air to surface missile, and was rewarded with a "missile lock" confirmation.

At the same time, my XM Radio display changed
from the music format to combat mode. Just as the Eagle had acquired me, it had also acquired the attack aircraft. "Warning! Warning!" it shrieked, "Missile Lock! Missile Lock!". I glanced up to see the sight of the combat jet filling my rearview mirror.

The pilot flicked the launch button, and the missile leapt off the rails and screamed toward me. Reacting quickly, I stomped on the gas and felt 220 of Ford Motor Company's finest horsepower kick me back into the seat as I accelerated wildly. With no time to spare I had one, and only one; option. There was a semi tractor-trailer ahead of me, and I came right up on it's tail merging my heat signature with the deisel Allison V-8 powered Kenworth. Tracking the missile in my mirror, at the last second I stomped the brakes and the missile overshot me and acquired the Kenworth.

Fortunately, the driver of the rig had opened the door and jumped to safety as the 40 pound warhead exploded 20 feet from the target as designed, and thousands of white hot fragments of depleted uranium shredded the truck and it's cargo. The cargo turned out to be fireworks, and the late afternoon sky turned brilliant as secondary explosions illuminated every square inch of sky and land for a 40 mile circumference. The pilot, who was sure that his targed had been obliterated; banked away and charlie miked (continue the mission) back to the alps. Shaken by the eposide, I resumed driving at the posted speed limit. The Lemurians, freaked out by all the activity, continued to hide in their underground cities to the great disappointment of the citizens of Mt. Shasta.

And the California Highway Patrol? Their souls burdended by the unsuccessful attempts to remove me, gathered for donuts and sighed.

Road Trip!

Sherry and I spent Christmas in our customary fashion, with my mom and dad, and sister and her family; in Redding California. Due to our crazy schedules, it seems that either Sherry or I have a constraint and end up with only a few precious days off at Christmas time. Therefore, one of us will drive down with Kadie the Family Dog in the pickup truck and one of us will fly down.

This year, it was my turn to drive. Although it's a 417 mile drive door to door and a 7 hour drive, usually I enjoy just tooling down the road listening to tunes. In fact, I'm going to share with you a little secret that no one else knows - when I crest the Siskiyou summit I jot down the song I'm listening to. Not sure why I do that, but I do. This year, going south it was The Doors and the song was The End (fitting, as I had just come to the end of Oregon and was entering California). Going north it was U2 and the song was New York.

The drive usually has some curious moments, such as wondering what was behind the "Traveling Tsunami Seafood Show" that I saw on a truck.

Or wondering for years what those references to the State of Jefferson in the Yreka area meant, and then finding that there was a well organized plan to secede Southern Oregon and Northern California into a new state and may have actually happened if not for the bombing of Pearl Harbor and the U.S. immersion into World War II.

Once in California, and especially in the Shasta Lake area; the road becomes a long skinny shoe and memories are the laces that tie it together in random association as the miles skip by:

1. Learning how to ski at Mt. Shasta pre-avalanche that destroyed the lift
2. Living at Lakehead and being only slightly social and certainly suspicious with the kids from Dunsmuir.
3. Hiking Castle Crags with Mike Thetford.
4. Riding my Yamaha dirt bike on the back roads from northern Lakehead. Chris LaBella was in his 65 Mustang and we were racing to see who got home first. He did, as in the dark on my dirt bike I crashed hard into a ditch and suffered no broken bones but broke a lot of skin and was a bloody mess.
5. The private, non tourist swimming hole at Dog Creek.
6. Climbing up and then onto the catwalk underneath the I-5 bridge over the Sacramento Arm of Lake Shasta. The sound and movement when a semi tractor-trailer thundered over your head!
7. Backing my 1967 Camaro down the government launch ramp at Lakehead, until my 60-Series rear tires were about an inch deep in the lake (didn't take much). Popping the clutch and letting that 327 roar as I did a smoky burnout 3/4 of the way up the ramp, laughing as the incensed fishermen threw beer cans at me!
8. The old junkyard we found above Salt Creek, probably from the early 1900's.
9. Riding our dirtbikes on a custom made to order motocross track when the lake diminished enough to expose Turntable Bay.
10. Getting high at Tim Kobe's house at O'Brien and staggering down to the freeway to moon cars (yes, I had my moments of juvenile delinquency).
11. The tribute at Salt Creek to King. If you are going south on I-5 just past the Salt Creek exit as you begin to incline, you can get a glimpse of a cross on the left hand side of the freeway. There is a little door and a picture of a German Shepherd. King's owner was crossing a road and began to have heart trouble, a car was approaching around a curve and King through himself against his owner, putting himself in harm's way and dying to save his owner's life.

Well, there are many more memories but probably the coup de grace that made me legendary was:

The incident of the runaway motorcycle and the Lakeshore Villa Market.

I worked for a few years at the Shell station still in Lakehead off of I-5 just before the Sacramento river bridge (it's still there today). The owner at the time permitted us to purchase gas and services at her cost. Being somewhat isolated we had developed a quite a little bartering system finding tourists running low on cash and worrying about how to get home. We traded gas and products for all kinds of things including 8 track casette tapes, camping gear, tools - just about anything, and then reimbursed the boss at cost. One fine day a local came in and really needed some tires. I had some cheap recaps in stock, and we finally agreed to swap the tires for a dirt bike. He gave me a ride to his house where the plan was that I would get the bike and head home (in those days, we were bold enough to defy the law and ocasionally ride our dirt bikes on the road, terrifying tourists as we rode wheelies down the street and screamed like rockers with sore throats).

A bunch of our mutual friends were at his house, and in a James Dean kind of coolness I swung a leg over the bike and kicked it to life. I revved the throttle a few times, and then thought "what a great attempt to show my friends what a bad a$$ rider I was". Well, it turned into a self fulfilling prophecy as I rode badly, and made an ass of myself! I snicked it into gear, popped the clutch and showered my buddies with a spray of gravel excised by that 3.5 inch knobbie as I rocketed toward the store. We had built a little berm, and my plan included a snazzie berm shot, followed by a cross up over a small jump and then I was around the store and headed home.

Alas, 'twas not to be. As I worked upward through the gears I realized that the berm was approaching too fast - way too fast. I eased on the front brake, nothing. I grabbed now at the rear brake - nothing! I attempted to open the throttle release - NOTHING! Having exhausted all the usual means of slowing down, I downshifted; redlined the motor and sat transfixed in paralysis as the rear wall of the store in slow motion filled my field of view. Ka-WHAM as the front tire punctured the wall, throwing wood splinters and embedding itself. I can still see the forks bending as the bike stopped instantly, but my body remained in motion. Bowing to the unflexible law of centrifugal force I was slammed into the store with a WOOOMPH as all the air was forced out of my lungs. I heard crashing on the other side of the wall and realized merchandise was falling off of shelves.

A blissful moment ensued when the motor died, and I lay peacefully in the dust too stunned to hurt yet. Then, the gravity of the situation (pun slightly intended) caught up with me and I rose to a sitting position and thought the universal code of teenage boys in trouble - "must escape before getting caught". I grabbed the rear while of the motorcycle and attempted to rescue it from the vice of it's impaled prison, but it would not budge. By this time patrons and the store owner had run around to the back of the store to find out what happened.

Well, what happened was that I became the laughing stock of the community for several days (and had to pay for the repaire of the store and straightening of the forks) as my story was recounted over and over. Until I did the next dumb thing.

A Month with the Minors

Well, here it is December 20 - and I haven't even started my BRP (Bible Reading Plan) for the month yet. I have made it a practice since 1999 to read the Bible through in a year, and have used the Navigators most excellent plan. I love this plan because my life is somewhat undisciplined, but the plan is a combination of discipline and grace. It's disciplined because there is a straightfoward daily assignment to read. It has grace because it is keyed to 25 days, giving you a few days for "make up" should you fall behind. Well, I need a little grace to get through my reading! Actually, with the celebration of Christmas comes some time off which will afford me some good, quiet chunks of time to dive in. One of the sections that I will go through is the minor prophets.

To be honest, there is the possibility of going a year without significant reading or studying in those books until the next 11 month cycle rolls around. How do I know this? I do much of my reading with an electronic Bible on my Palm Pilot. When I go to choose the book, it will bring up the last page I read. In the case of the minors, I usually am taken to the last page! Yup, been 11 months since I last was there for a few of these. Rather than lamenting my lack of discipline, I try to look forward to my reading as a time to catch up with old friends.

Hmm, you might say -thinking of some of these guys like Angry Amos and his pejorative prophecies, is that the kind of company you like to keep? You betcha! You see, even if there is a lot of messaging regarding God's wrath on faithless Israel and punishment on other nations, in those pages there are powerful reminders of God's grace and mercy. Also, there's some vivid imagery and skillful writing that I just flat out enjoy. Look at this passage from Nahum regarding the destruction of Nineveh:

Weapons flash in the sun, the soldiers splendid in battle dress, Chariots burnished and glistening, ready to charge, A spiked forest of brandished spears, lethal on the horizon. The chariots pour into the streets. They fill the public squares, Flaming like torches in the sun, like lightning darting and flashing.

But in the midst of this wrath, some of the most beautiful passages emerge that give us clues into God's grace. One of my favorite verses is found in Micah 6:6-8. Lamenting and facing his sin, Micah pours out his heart:

With what shall I come to the LORD and bow myself before the God on high? Shall I come to Him with burnt offerings, with yearling calves? Does the LORD take delight in thousands of rams, In ten thousand rivers of oil? Shall I present my firstborn for my rebellious acts, The fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?

When we think of the sacrificial system of the Law, Micah's lament makes sense. He is getting a glimpse of the Big Picture, that no amount of sacrifices would be able to save or redeem us. The next verse teaches us that God is not interested in the quantity of sacrifice but the quality of sacrifice:

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and walk humbly with your God?

I love that. That's what I believe the quality of sacrifice means, that our outward actions are the result of our inward character. Then there's Hosea, who spoke these wonderful words that describe God's love for his people. Even though the imagery of a disobedient child is extant in the passage, look at how God's love transcends the rebelliousness:

When Israel was a child, I loved him as a son, and I called my son out of Egypt ... It was I who taught Israel how to walk, leading him along by the hand. But he doesn't know or even care that it was I who took care of him. I led Israel along with my ropes of kindness and love. I lifted the yoke from his neck, and I myself stooped to feed him.

Yes, I'm looking forward to catching up with my old friends.

You might just be a redneck theologian if....

I'm glad to see we're back to a little good natured joshin' about Calivinism and Arminianism - thanks to the Calvinist Gadfly!

You might be a Redneck Calvinist if…

• The church you attend is not seeker-friendly, but cigar-friendly.
• You hear “Free Will,” and think about bailing out your cousin “Will” in jail.
• Your dad uses the double barrel shotgun for his own “effectual calling.”
• You think that an Amyrauldian is road kill.
• BHT means Barbeque Hogs Tonight.
• The only overalls you will buy are made by your cousin Calvin.
• You compliment your wife with, “God has ordained yur voice to sound jist like a chainsaw.”
• Your church has justified to include the banjo and harmonica under the Regulative Principle.
• Your church refuses to call the church picnic a Potluck.
• You have the five solas tattooed on your arm.
  

You might be a Redneck Arminian if…

• You hear “Irresistible Grace” and think of your cousin.
• There is a fiddle accompaniment with Just as I am.
• Your exegesis consists of having 2 Peter 3:9 tattooed on your arm.
• When you hear “RC” you think of Cola.
• You think that supralapsarian is some fancy new breed of dog.
• You possess more Charles Finney books than teeth.
• When the preacher mentions that we are but lumps of clay, you think of Mud Bogs.
• You hear someone say Ordo Salutis and think they had too much moonshine.
• You think “Spurgeon” is something you catch with rod & reel from your brother-in-law’s boat.
• When you hear the Institutes you think of where many of your relatives live.
• “The Chief End of Man” is where you end up after “The Fall of Man.”
• You think that “Limited Atonement” is a single barrel shotgun.
• You purchase your Dave Hunt books through the Home Shopping Network.
• When you hear “five points” it reminds you of your average monthly reduction in your driver’s record.
• You have a bumper sticker on your truck that says, “If there ain’t free will in heaven, I don’t want to go.”

Best Man Falls

File under childhood memory department: When I was a kid growing up on 452 East Nugent Street in the city of my birth, Lancaster, California we had a game we played at El Dorado Park that was behind our house. The name of the game was Best Man Falls. I suppose I'm entering that time in my life where I'm recalling memories from 40 years ago but I can't remember what I did last weekend.

Best Man Falls was an army game. Now, many of you reading this may not have a concept of what the cold war was like, but having been indoctrinated with books like this we truly were young defenders of our free country ready to take up arms against the commie agressors.

But I digress - the game was simple. El Dorado Park had some gently rolling hills covered with nice soft grass. A defender was chosen and would take his place at the top of the hill and the rest of us would charge him. With his imaginary machine gun spitting lead as he sputtered the sounds, the defender would mow us down as his young limbs jerked from the imaginary recoil of that powerful weapon.

We would fall gruesomely, simulating as best we could torso separation, limb disembodiment, and other fatal wounds. We fell dramatically down the hill, reaching the bottom in a simulated state of death so final the Grim Reaper had no purchase on our young souls. Then, the defender would pick the "best man who fell" and that young lad would assume the defense position for another violent round of Best Man Falls.

I had the most eerie "deja vu" moment that excavated this thought as I watched the exact scenario from my childhood played out in a modern setting in this XBox promotional video.

Amazing Grace - or Unsettling Grace?

Holy Cow! Can't we all just get along?!!? A little joshing about theological perspectives took an ugly turn recently with James White and Paul McCain lobbing a few hand grenades around regarding our recurring theme of Calvinism and Arminianism.

It reminded me of the Council of Nicea in 325 a.d. where as tradition has it that Arius penned his famous diatribes against the equality of Jesus with the Father to the tune of popular songs of the day. Again, tradition states that the Athanasian camp basically stuck their fingers in their ears and chanted "we can't hear you, we can't hear you".

It illustrates the point though that words when combined with music have a great impact. Consider this jingle against Arminiasm which I'm not sure who authored to the tune of Amazing Grace (John Newton who has to be not only spinning but spitting in his grave!):

Arminian "grace!" How strange the sound,
Salvation hinged on me.
I once was lost then turned around,
Was blind then chose to see.

What "grace" is it that calls for choice,
Made from some good within? That part
that wills to heed God's voice,
Proved stronger than my sin.

Thru many ardent gospel pleas,
I sat with heart of stone.
But then some hidden good in me,
Propelled me toward my home.

When we've been there ten thousand years,
Because of what we've done,
We've no less days to sing our praise,
Than when we first begun.

Well, somebody couldn't leave well enough alone and (okay, I don't know which was written first but you get the point about the contention) and renders the old classic "Jesus Loves Me" with an anti-Calvinist twist:

Jesus loves me! This I know
Predestination tells me so
Sovereign God loves me so well,
But He may want you in hell!

Yes, Jesus loves me
Well, maybe He loves me
I sure hope He loves meI guess
I'll never know!

Jesus loves me, I will win!
Can not fall away by sin.
Can't resist His grace, it's true,
Died for me but not for you.

Chorus

Jesus loves me! Where is He?
Up in heaven, can't you see?
Can't be sure where I will go
Jesus' little lamb, or no?

Chorus

Principles that regulate,
All our worship, ain't they great?
Even if we aren't too sure,
Which points really are secure.

Chorus

Now, just when you think it can't get any worse, "Rick" revises again to an ultra-Arminian extremist position that ventures out of orthodoxy bounds - but perhaps this is a knee jerk reaction and attempt at shock value for emphasis without really holding to this position? One can only hope:

Jesus loves me, though He’s helpless to save
O how he wants me to be brave
He cheers for me and that’s all He can do
Until the day I make my own life new

Yes I love Jesus, Yes I love Jesus
After I love Jesus, He decides to love me too

Jesus loves me; I’m not dead in sin
There is so much good within
I am not chosen my will is totally free.
I just need to breathe new life in me

Chorus

No regulation for worship, isn’t that great?
Whatever we can invent or create
God’s Word is full of just morals and advice
“Bring them in” at any price

Chorus

God’s not sovereign, how can He be?
That would take the thunder from me
We somehow are our own salvation buyers
Sinners are their own justifiers!

Chorus

Now, I could be accused of being wishy washy or a theological 'girly man' but I wouldn't discount either side with such vitriol. I know that positions are important and have great impact, but I do respect each side. And having said that, let me assure you that I firmly in one camp. But it is not my intention to debate here, but to again ask the question "can't we all get along"? My response then follows the modus operandi we have seen thus far. Please take a moment, and a breath; and sing the following to the tune of the Brady Bunch:

Here’s the story, of a man named Calvin
Who was busy writing doctrinal treatises all day,
It became the work we know as “Institutes”
Nothing much more to say.

Our friend Arminius took great exception,
With some concepts Calvin had put in his book,
He made points of his own, in refutation;
And considered Calvin a kook.

Till the one day when these fellows met in heaven,
And they knew it was much more than a hunch,
That their viewpoints each must be respected,
And that Jesus’ disciples must become a civil bunch

A civil bunch, a civil bunch, that’s the way they became a civil bunch.

P.S. Phil Johnson wrote a great piece that leads to great discussion and thought on doctrinal disagreement, and you can read it here.

It's December..and beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Last Wednesday (the day before Thanksgiving) my adorable wife put up the Christmas lights while I was at work. Not only that, but she cleaned the gutters as well! Now that in and of itself is a big deal, for this reason - I have two fears in life that I will disclose to you. The first is pregnancy. Pregnancy is sooo un-natural. You should be able to just go down to Fred Meyer and pick one out, right? Well, we'll talk about that in another post. The other is the fear of heights. As my elevation increases, such as on a ladder; I get more and more uncomfortable. That's why I'm very grateful to Sherry for doing a job that I usually dread.

Now Sherry did something radically different this year - we have a long driveway and she lined each side of the driveway with a string of cable lights. Very cool, but an unusual effect - it very much resembles a runway! I expected Sherry to come out of the house to greet me looking something like this:

Well, my taxi to the garage door was uneventful and I followed ramp protocol to a "T". Upon spooling down the engines and departing my craft, I could only be thankful that Sherry's enthusiasm has not yet reached the degree as seen in (turn your speakers up)...

...this house!

One What, Three Whos - SAY WHAT?!?!

We had a lively discussion today that centered on the trinity. A friend (we'll call her "Ruth") was asked earlier in the week about how the Holy Spirit could be a person in the trinity, and the Son could also be a person in the trinity, and yet they are all still God. Ruth responded with an example, by stating that at one time in her life she was a bank employee by day, and a rock start at night by playing in a band but she was still Ruth .

Does that illustration work?

Let's try to break it down, but it's time for a disclaimer - in posting a an article of perhaps a few hundred words on probably the most difficult of theological subjects will naturally lead to a distilled sip of water out of a river of truth. Although much more could be said, I'll respond with a brief answer that will, for brevity's sake; omit other aspects of the truth of this doctrine.

First, let's talk about ontology - a fancy word for the nature of being, or existence. I think we would agree that human beings can be defined as one what and one who. We could say that another way by stating that people are one essence (human) and one person (uniqueness) Therefore, I am one what (human) and one who (Dave). Ruth is also one essence (human) and one who (Ruth). I think we would be in agreement so far.

Now, let's postulate about a different kind of being altogether, non-human. This being can be defined as one what and three whos. OK, now it gets tricky doesn't it! We believe God is one what - meaning He is one in essence, and three whos - he is three separate, distinct persons - Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Let's illustrate that with a chart (apologies for the poor quality):

What we see in this chart is that the Father is not the son, and the Son is not the Spirit, and the Spirit is not the Father. We also see that the Father is God, the Son is God, and the Spirit is God.

This is crucial for this reason - the doctrine of the trinity has been accused of being a logical contradiction, in that we are claiming that 1+1+1=1. That is not the case however. In order for something to be contradictory, it must violate the law of noncontradiction. This law states that A cannot be both A (what it is) and non-A (what it is not) at the same time and in the same relationship. In other words, you have contradicted yourself if you affirm and deny the same statement.

Let's look at some supporting documentation I pulled from several sources:

For example, if I say that that the moon is made entirely of cheese but then also say that the moon is not made entirely of cheese, I have contradicted myself. Other statements may at first seem contradictory but are really not.

Theologian R.C. Sproul cites as an example Dickens’ famous line, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” Obviously this is a contradiction if Dickens means that it was the best of times in the same way that it was the worst of times. But Dickens avoids contradiction with this statement because he means that in one sense it was the best of times, but in another sense it was the worst of times.

Carrying this concept over to the Trinity, it is not a contradiction for God to be both three and one because He is not three and one in the same way. He is three in a different way than He is one. Thus, we are not speaking with contradiction by saying that God is one and then denying that He is one by saying that He is three. This is very important: God is one and three at the same time, but not in the same way.

How is God one? He is one in essence. How is God three? He is three in Person. Essence and person are not the same thing. God is one in a certain way (essence) and three in a different way (person). Since God is one in a different way than He is three, the Trinity is not a contradiction. There would only be a contradiction if we said that God is three in the same way that He is one.

Because each of these “forms of existence” are relational (and thus are Persons), they are each a distinct center of consciousness, with each center of consciousness regarding Himself as “I” and the others as “You.” Nonetheless, these three Persons all “consist of” the same “stuff” (that is, the same “what,” or essence). As theologian and apologist Norman Geisler has explained it:

while essence is what you are, person is who you are. So God is one “what” but three “whos.”

Let's try another illustration to make the distinctions. Time for a little quiz! Don't panic, I'll put the answers right in there for you (collective sigh of relief):

1. Existence: is there something in the classroom? Yes, there is something in the classroom.
2. Essence: what is in the classroom? A human is in the classroom.
3. Person: who is in the classroom? Ruth is in the classroom.

Now, let's take the EXACT SAME QUESTIONS and see how the outcome is different based on the ontological response to the question:

1. Existence: is there something in the classroom? Yes, there is something in the classroom.
2. Essence: what is in the classroom? God is in the classroom.
3. Person: who is in the classroom? The Father is in the classroom. The Son is in the classroom. The Spirit is in the classroom.

Did you notice how much more important the words "what" and "who" became in the second set of questions? That's because, based on the response; a different ontological entity became the focus.

Let's go back up now to Ruth's illustration. Does this illustration work? I would respond "no" for this reason - that illustration (and this is a very common mistake) confuses the ontological being of humans and God. Ultimately, this leads to a heresy that is called modalisim.

Unfortunately, there are many illustrations which are not simply imperfect, but in error. Another type of this example is something that goes like this:

“I am one person, but I am a student, son, and brother. This explains how God can be both one and three.”

The problem with this is that God is not one person who plays three different roles, as this illustration suggests. He is one Being in three Persons (centers of consciousness), not merely three roles. This analogy ignores the personal distinctions within God and mitigates them to mere roles. Therefore, we conclude that the trinity represents God as a different ontological being than humans - He is one what and three whos!

Haircut Day

As as my custom, I'd been keeping my hair very short all summer. Sherry plugs in the sheep shearers and buzzes my head. The pic on the left shows a little bit of grow out. Now that winter is just around the corner I've let it grow out a bit more as you can see on the picture at the right.

Obviously, my hair grows pretty fast. I went into one of those quick and easy haircut shops, I can't remember the name but it was the salon establishment of a Jiffy Lube - in and out, speed is as important as service. Maybe the marketing angle is the service is speed! In any event, I digress. A friendly lady approached and introduced herself as Kathy and notified me that she is ready to start working on me. Now, that approached puzzled me - you work on cars, like they do at Jiffy Lube. You cut hair, like they do in a salon. Hmmm - but I'm not in a salon! OK, I get it - and got in the chair.

Funny thing, it brought back a memory that is now almost thirty years old. It was a hot summer day in Redding California, and I had a friend named Cindy. Cindy decided her life's talents lay in the cosmetology field, and enrolled in that school (what was it Janet, do you remember?) on North Market Street. As part of her real life experience, she needed to perform an actual haircut on a living person.

Enter gullible Dave. It started innocently enough, a little light banter, a little snip snip of the scissors. Gradually though, Cindy became quiet. Then concerned. Then worried. Then she started to cry. As she is cutting my hair. Now, I'm beginning to get a little concerned myself. Cindy's instructor came over, and said in a reassuring tone; "I think we can fix it up a little bit and with time it will be OK".

Well, time does heal wounds...and hair. Cindy, if you are out there somewhere reading this - all is forgiven!

Jim's first new car

My friend Jim (happy birthday!) gave me permission to post this email he sent recently. I crack up every time I read his recounting of the power antenna discussion. There are two important milestones in most people's lives, the purchasing of their first car and (if the first one was used) the purchasing of a new car. Here's Jim's story:


My first new car was a burgundy 88 Olds Calais SL. It was a special Calais. The Qaud-4 engine was the first world-class 16-valve built by GM. It had a nice German five-speed. Top notch sound system. Sun roof. $125 a tire Firestone Firehawk GTs on mag wheels. It had every option on it other than power windows and the trip computer. I could have purchased the top-of-the-line “International” edition, but I liked the black chrome accent look of the SL. I remember hashing out the deal with the salesman. After four hours we had an agreement until he said “What about a power antenna?” “What does it do?” I asked. “It goes up when you turn the radio on and goes down when you turn the radio off. $110.” “Better reception?” I asked. “It goes up when you turn the radio on and goes down when you turn the radio off. $110.” “Does it do anything else?” “It goes up when you turn the radio on and goes down when you turn the radio off. $110.” I got it.

My friends in DC gave me a hard time about a four-door but everyone enjoyed having their own door. The back seat folded down so you could carry 2x4s and such, a really nice feature. I loved that car enough to put 156,000 miles on it. We went to Maine, New York, Boston, Philly, Richmond, Nashville, Pittsburgh, all over the DelMarVa and Blue Ridge when I live in DC. Towed it behind a big Budget diesel when I moved back to Portland and immediately drove it up to Prince Rupert for a trip on the Inner Passage. I sold it seven years ago when I bought the Ford Ranger. The Olds needed a new exhaust, some of the interior plastic was broken or missing, and the head gasket should be replaced as that was the reason it was eating exhaust systems. Would not pass DEQ. Sold it to a back-yard mechanic for $650.

Yesterday I ran across it in the Lloyd Center parking lot. A bit worse for wear but it still had the Paul Brothers Oldsmobile, Chevy Chase Maryland emblem on the trunk and the security sandblast VIN on the windows (a necessary security measure when living in DC). I sat around for about ten minutes to see if the owners came by, but they never showed. I am pleased it is still on the road. Licensed through Sept 06.