10 years ago today Sherry and I held hands running across the finish line at the Honolulu Marathon. Yesterday 10 years ago Sherry and I celebrated her birthday at the Hard Rock Cafe in Lahaina. Today, 10 years ago Sherry and I were married at Papakea Resort just north of Ka'anapali on Maui.
It's amazing how quickly the time goes by, and our lives have changed - yet we remain in love and grateful for the gift of each other's support and commitment as through this life we travel! There seems to be a pattern in marriage, where at some point there is a "tipping" if you will where we acknowledge the passion experienced early now finds it's counterbalance in stability and supportiveness for each other. That's the way we feel - safe, secure and comforted as we continue to learn about each other, even after a decade of being together. I think about our vows, how much they did and how much they still mean. Have I fulfilled all of these? Certainly not! But I continue to let them provide direction and substance to our life together.
- I promise to give you the best of myself and to ask of you no more than you can give.
- I promise to respect you as your own person and to realize that your interests, desires and needs are no less important than my own.
- I promise to share with you my time and attention and to bring joy, strength and imagination to our relationship.
- I promise to keep myself open to you, to let you see through the window of my world into my innermost fears and feelings, secrets and dreams.
- I promise to grow along with you - to be willing to face changes in order to keep our friendship alive and exciting.
- I promise to seek God's will and praise him continually with you as we discover all He has for us.
- I promise to love you in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, with all I have to give and all I feel inside in the only way I know how - completely and forever.
What have I learned in 10 years of marriage? A whole lot! And not enough! I suppose I could ramble on for pages. But one thing that sticks out is how similar and how different we are. We had rented a tandem on Maui, and our plan was to ride it from Lahaina to Kihei, eat lunch and come back. If I recall correctly it was about 20 miles to Kihei. Our tandem was lettered Fred on the front seat tube, and Wilma on the back seat tube. We took off and immediately had problems. I would not communicate with Sherry. She needed to know when I was slowing, stopping, accelerating or shifting. And for shifting she wanted to know if I was upshifting our downshifting. We got into an argument, and then finally developed a good steady pace, augmented by communication.
I should tell you that I was training for a triathlon scheduled the week after we arrived home. In my vision for the day I decided we would ride aggressively and get some good training in. In Sherry's view of the day we would have a leisurely ride as we enjoyed the sights. Naturally, we got into an argument. We managed to get through that and made our way to Kihei. I had thought of a fast food lunch, as people really do go to Maui for the Taco Bell, right? Wrong. At least in Sherry's view. So, we got into an argument. Well, we managed to agree on lunch and then made our way back to Kihei. About three quarters of the way we decided to change positions and let Sherry captain the tandem. We started again, and I still wanted to control the bike. Yes, we got into an argument. Then, we realized how stupid it all was - here we are in one of the most beautiful places on earth, arguing all day and missing the moment entirely. We started (no, not arguing!) laughing until tears were rolling down our cheeks at the absurdity of it all.
Why do I tell you this? The card I picked for Sherry showed a little happy cartoon of a husband and wife on a tandem with the inscription that says Happy Anniversary Sweetheart! On the inside it says "we make a good team". And we do! But not in the way we would ever imagine. You see, we will make it to the finish line. And we will do it as a team. But I've found that I will never be Sherry and she will never be me (duhhhh). Our similarities drew us together, and our differences rather than dividing create the opportunity for the miracle that love is to flourish in our lives. Yes, we will make it to the finish line. Together. With Sherry on her bike, and me on mine!
I love you sweetie.
