They're here, they're there, they're everywhere. It's difficult living this life. Just this morning as I was leaving for work in the pre-dawn I saw movement in the shadows, then like popcorn bursting out of it's microwave bag, the light of flashbulbs lit up the day.
Paparrazi. Those camera-wielding, arrogant, rude, prying, meddlesome miscreants - oh, the price my neighbors pay. Not me, it's all part of the daily ritual now. But it does make me feel bad for my neighbors, friends and co-workers. Like mosquitoes to blood, I cannot get away from them. Pushing, shoving, shushing and non-loving I elbowed my way through the crowd to my awaiting limo. Settling and sighing into the plush heated leather seats, my driver greeted me with a Starbucks venti no whip non fat extra hot raspberry mocha and off we went to a day in the life of a movie star.
Today's agenda included shopping for a new home befitting my status. We drove down to a posh suburb of Portland, Lake Oswego where many affluent people reside. As we looked, I became more and more discouraged looking at their piddly little houses. 20,000 square feet, 5 car garage, 9 bathrooms, separate living quarters for the cook, maid and gardner, olympic size pool and a full basketball court? Puuuuleaaaze, boring houses perched on the lake not worthy of my residence. My neighbor Ron who is the best broker in the Pacific Northwest assisted me in securing a 35,000 square foot starter home in Bend, Oregon which will do for now. I bought a commuter jet to wisk me to exotic destinations, such as my winter home in Aruba. Well, let me continue with my day of filming.
Quiet on the set
I expected to hear those words, but there was a different chain of commands that led to the actual filming. Decked out with my college graduation audience member duds, we headed out to the set. Rows of chairs were arranged to face a platform set up to be a commencement area. Probably 150 graduates were seated, and there were some extras that were faculty up on the platform. An A.D. (assistant director, of which there seemed to be about half a dozen) waded through the audience with a bucket, handing out old beat up cameras without film but with fresh batteries so we could take pictures of our 'loved ones'.
Once we were arranged, the filming began. There seems to be a hierarchy with directors. Sean Penn is THE director, then there was a guy who seemed to be the second in the chain, and then as mentioned above some underlings. I'll call the second guy "Number Two". The actual filming took place like this:
- "Roll Sound" - this was my favorite command. Number Two would shout 'roll sound' and then on the perimeter of the set (which was quite large because of the size of the commencement) underlings would echo from different positions, each with their own inflections - "ROooooOLLING sound", "roll sound", ROLLING SOUND, etc. It was cool.
- "Background Action" - self explanatory, this was the cue for not the main action, but anything happening in support of the main action. Let's say that there was a couple of people who were to be walking across the back of the set just before the main action would begin. Background action would trigger them so that anything in the background would be natural and not starting at the same time as the main action.
- "Action" - this was it, when everything happened. My part was a non-speaking part (surprise!) in which I merely smiled, acted natural (this was difficult for me on several levels) and waved and took pictures of my "niece" who was graduating (Jessica, I thought of you and you only have about 15 - 17 more years before you'll be walking across the stage).
Practice Makes Perfect
So for my day of filming I got $90.00 (for 12 hours of work). That included two hours of overtime. They gave out envelopes with $75.00 cash, then two more envelopes with $7.50 in cash. I am going to frame the four quarters as the first dollar I ever made in show biz. For the 12 hours of work, probably 4 hours were 'wasted' time doing nothing. When we were on the set filming a scene, filming the scene again, filming the scene again, filming the scene again - we must have done one scene (graduates throwing their caps into the air) 12 times (I swear I'm not making that up). I'm guessing that for 8 hours of actually being on the set, approximately 15 - 17 minutes of that will actually be in the movie.
You CAN Have Your Cake and Eat it Too
My wonderful colleague Claudia who sits in the cube next to me also was involved in the movie! They shot some of it in a house down the street from her, and gave her $500.00 to rent her driveway for four days to park some equipment in. One day, as filming ended they brought a big sheet cake over and asked if she wanted it. It was a birthday cake prop in the movie, a real cake! Claudia brought it in the next morning and said OK, now I've got a prop from the movie. How do you like them apples? I responded and said "the bar is set - are you in the movie?"? "No, but I have a cake". I responded again, "are you in the movie?" "No, but I have a cake that was in the movie.". We bantered like this for about 3 hours (well, maybe 15 minutes) and acknowledged that we both had a part (although I'll be in the movie!) in the film.
I Talked To a Movie Star
At one point during the lunch break I was walking over to some friends I had made and hung out with. I realized Sean Penn was walking toward me, and at our trajectory and pace he would pass behind me. Suddenly, he changed direction and he and I would intersect. It was kind of surreal, but I just said "hey, how's it going". He responded in like, and that was the end of our conversation. But I talked to a movie star.
The Best Part
At lunch, looking for a place to sit I saw a middle age guy (uh, like me I suppose!) sitting on some steps. He invited me up and as we ate we started conversing. It turned out that his wife had died four months ago during an epileptic seizure. Being an epileptic myself, I was able to project true empathy. As we spoke I felt that I should offer to pray for him. I asked if he would be open to a quick prayer, and he replied sure. I asked God to bring him peace, and to heal the hurt that was evident. Both he and I were moved. Who knows, although fame was stalking me perhaps this was the purpose that I ended up there, to bring first hand experience and comfort to a guy who clearly needed it.
Star Status at Home
Well, as I conclude these updates and launch into my new found fame I have to acknowledge the huge role that Sherry plays. Again, her encouragement and unflagging support have been a huge help in my transition from everyday office worker with my soul being sucked out by the system to a superstar in a constellation of star status compatriots.
Yes, I may be the star in the household - but Sherry is the heavens.
