I brought 3 sportcoats, 1 pair of slacks (I had set out 2 others but forgot them), and four dress shirts. I purposely neglected to bring a tie because I assumed they would have sufficient stock to fit the genre and era of the scene, and luckily I was correct. I was attended to by 2 very nice ladies. They poked around with my clothes, held up certain items to me and had me try on my selection of sportcoats. One of the ladies said "I think this is a Polo shirt guy". Certainly a reflection of my upscale demeanor, I replied that was fine with me. She pulled a purple Polo off of a rack jammed with clothes and pronounced it appropriate. I put on my slacks, the Polo, my sportcoat and presented myself.
Now I should admit that I am not immune to being checked out by the girls, but even I was a bit unnerved as there roving eyes scrutinized me from top to bottom. They asked where my shoes were (I had just worn shorts, running shoes and white ankle length socks) and I said that I had brown and black dress shoes at home. They doubted me, asked my shoe size and pulled from a big box of shoes an old beat up pair of men's dress shoes, grabbed a pair of black socks and instructed me to put them on. Having done so, we adjourned into the next room where the Boss was. She was probably in her mid-fifties, and I could tell from the nicotine stained fingers, anorexic figure and fashionable haircut that she was a pro. But then, so was I! I relaxed as I realized we had a lot in common - working with the stars, knowing how the inside works, making little jokes at things only we would understand. After more scrutiny, she pronounced me approved. They took a picture of me, then took my clothes and the loaner shoes and socks, tagged and bagged them and hung them on the rack.
Ah! The life of an actor. I see myself walking the red carpet at the Oscars, holding back tears as I give a nod to Nicholson and a slight wave to Clint Eastwood. Gentle reader, know that it's scary being an insider! I begin my speech:
"I'd like to thank the members of the Screen Actor's Guild for rescuing me from a life of mediocrity to to the mountain of masterpieces. And on that mountain I stand on the shoulders of giants - the men and women of the film trade that seduced me into stardom, who supported me through the mean years and the lean years. Your encouragement has transformed the man who now stands before you from obscurity to prosperity, from meaningless to meaningful, from boring to soaring - - - I am Dave Mundt"
As if they were one, the acamedy springs to their feet. Roaring out their approval, cheering and waving to see me acknowledge them, the people who put me here are now my puppets. I am a benign puppeteer though - my machinations are not malignant, but executed in such a way that stardom will never go to my head.
Humbly then, I bid you farewell as my next post I prepare.
