Fast forward to 2007. My friend Charlie is the captain of the Woodburn police department. Although Woodburn is a small town, it has it's gang related issues. Recently Charlie recounted to me how 4 members of the 18th street gang had went to a 7-11, and 2 stayed in the car and 2 stayed in the store. Then, 2 members of the 13th street gang pulled into the parking lot. How many gang members were left? Sounds like one of those jokes where you have 10 gang members going to Chicago, in Philadelphia 3 get off and 9 get on...etc, etc.
Anyway, there was an altercation of course that culminated in an agreement to meet in the park at midnight. Unfortunately a shooting occurred with a bullet going through the back of a guy's shoulder as he was running away and exited out of the front of his shoulder, blowing the joint to smithereens. 
Charlie used to work for the Lake Oswego police force. Now Lake Oswego is an affluent suburb of Portland. It's the kind of place where people walk around with a little doggie in a sweater in their purses. It's the kind of place where you have a near mansion overlooking the lake and a few $100,000 cars in the garage.
It's the kind of a place where at a wonderful restaurant called Blinn's Boathouse where you can get the best pizza you have ever had, sit out on the back patio and watch the rich people motor up in their restored Chris-Craft boats. It's the kind of a place where an anonymous seaplane might land.
Now, gentle reader; lest you think I'm being pejorative I will say some of my LO friends are the nicest, most generous people I know.
But Charlie and I had a bit of fun postulating a gang war in Lake Oswego compared with the gang war in Charlie's town. Let us recount a fictional news story as reported in the Lake Oswego Review:
An altercation broke out Saturday night between two rival high school gangs. Some members of the A Street Animals alledgedly flashed a gang sign at the Country Club Crushers. Conflict was inevitable as the Animals hold turf at Starbucks, while the Crushers own Peet's. According to witness Carlton Crumpet the Animals and Crushers agreed to meet at midnight at Millenium Park.
At the appointed hour the gangs faced off. Nervous tension filled the air as the Animals and the Crushers faced off. As the boys arrayed themselves into battle formation, their girlfriends watched nervously from the sidelines, clutching their little doggies tucked protectively in their Hermes' handbags.
Suddeny, the fray erupted. To the dismay of the Crushers the Animals had brought their Lacrosse sticks. But the Crushers also had weapons at the ready. They began hurling half pound bags of Peet's coffee at the Animals! The Animals began swinging at the bags wildly at the flying containers of coffee, spilling the expensive beans across the battle ground. Soon the air was filled with the aroma of Peet's unique roasting style that results in a rich complex taste.
As the Animals began to lose their footing, defeat at the hands of the Crushers an unexpected turn of developments ensued. Seeing their boyfriends being pushed back by the bags of coffee whistling through the air like medieval catapult loads, the Animal's girlfriends entered the scene and wildly began to fling their Manolo Blahnik pumps at the Crushers. The dagger like heels quickly drove the Crushers back.
The police had arrived at the scene, and strategized a way to end the conflict. Climbing to the top of nearby trendy boutiques, they dropped coupons for free bikini waxes into the crazed crowds as the boys and girls began to tussle! To their delight the strategy worked! Even some of the girls got coupons.
