Charlie and the Chief

In Seattle, they utilize technology in dealing with car thiefs. They have "bait cars" that are equipped with GPS and auto shutoff devices. When the door is opened the clock starts ticking to disable the car remotely and then apprehend the thief. Occasionally though something does go wrong, as you can read here.

Well, in an unamed small Oregon town things aren't quite that sophisticated. May I cite an example? A few weeks ago some of Charlie's officers walked through headquarters and said to Charlie (captain) and the chief "hey we're going to a drug buy, wanna tag along?". "sure" they said, I'm surmising anything to get away from the paper pushing. They jumped into a marked unit and followed the parade to the location. Charlie and the Chief (sounds like a sitcom) backed their unit into an alley facing the street. The seller got spooked though and roared out of the location, his Honda civic spraying gravel like watermelon seeds from a Rotary club picnic contest.

With lightning quick reflexes Charlie and the Chief blasted out of their concealment, bubblegum lights a-flashing and tires a-smoking as they took off in hot pursuit. I'd like to say that their coffee spilled all over them and they spit out donut bites but that would be unfair stereotyping. They had left their coffee and donuts on their desks. The other units pulled out behind them like ducklings obediently following their mother through dangerous waters.

Alas, a difficulty was encountered! Charlie could not find the toggle for the siren! Silently they sped searching for signs of a siren switch. Now, this is a family blog so I must be careful but let me just say that the Chief, as he leaned over Charlie (who was driving erratically at high speeds) to search under the dashboard for the switch aroused curious speculation from the trailing officers.

Charlie was positioning for a PIT (precision immobilization technique), or as I like to refer to it as a TVI which is not a reference to a television action show but stands for tactical vehicle intervention, wherein 'tactical' ramming is used to strategically maneuver a car or truck off their direction of travel into a spin to bring the transgressor to a halt. I'll concede that I too have precisely immobilized a car, but it was my own car when a deer placed itself in my path. But that's another story.

However, before Charlie could enact his PIT the perpetrator decided to give up and spun into a large gravel area adjacent to the road. Charlie and the Chief roared in behind him, brakes churning a curtain of dust, gravel and discared cigarette buts into a patina of perilous possibilities as the other offices all roared into the cloud after them. In a moment of time we can imagine cop cars careening, officers with guns gesticulating and a scared suspect subdued.

Charlie and the Chief never did locate the siren switch. The officers determined that there is a moral to this story - never let an administrator do field work! Still, if I were ever to get arrested Charlie's the one that I would like to do it. Donuts and all.