New BBQ - and a show for the neighbors

My friend Reed read the account of Sherry and the raccoons (which is not, by the way; the name of a rock band). He felt compassion for us that in the heat of the warfare our little portable barbecue became the first casualty on the battlefield.

He and Andrea volunteered to donate their old one, as Andrea's mom had bought them a new incredible unit. I tell you, their new BBQ is as big as an Austin Mini Cooper. It has dual burner rotisserie overdrive, and temperature contolled sensors for the auto hamburger patty flipping. Rather than taking a few minutes to warm up, there is a pre-heat valve from which demilitarized napalm is used as a starting agent. Whooosh! Yeah, underneath that brushed aluminum finish lies a veritable volcano of vittle cooking vitality.

Well, I digress - I loaded up the unit and headed home. And got lost. They live exactly 3 miles from us, but there are a few turn right here, left here, and then turn left again at the house that used to be painted yellow (crickets chirping). Eventually, by following the path of the sun as it lazily sank to the horizon, and with the help of a homemade sextant that I made from popsicle sticks I was able to make it home.

Backing into the driveway, I saw that Sherry wasn't home. I really wanted to get the grill out of the truck, but it was pretty awkward - not really heavy, but not conducive to being taken out of the back of a relatively high pickup. I'm guessing it weighs maybe 60 pounds. So, I positioned my hands underneath the center, and using my shoulders and biceps picked it up with my hands supinated - kind of like you might carry an armful of folded towels.

Hey - this isn't so bad! I can do this. I simply turned around and went to set it on the driveway. Well, since I had it so high the center of gravity was just a bit tricky. Nothing I couldn't handle but just a bit of help was needed. Therefore, I leaned it oh so slightly against my chest as I began to set it down. With just the lightest brush on my t-shirt it began it's descent.

As it moved downward though it hooked the athletic shorts I was wearing. Oh so gently it began dragging my shorts down. I froze for a moment but realized that now the center of gravity was low enough that I really didn't want to pick it upward. I realized that my truck was blocking most of the neighbor's view, so I allowed the downward movement to continue to disrobe me in my driveway. It was mere seconds where the release of the BBQ allowed me to hoist up the shorts. Although for a brief moment there might have been just a bit of a full moon, no lasting images were imprinted on any of my neighbor's impressionable minds. I hope.

And now I'm looking forward to some tasty barbecue!