Business Trip - Lancaster

In a previous post I wrote about a business trip to Honolulu, Hawaii. Not a bad place to go for business. Recently I went on a business trip to Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Not a bad place to go for business, but as one might think, there are slight cultural differences.

We flew into Harrisburg via Cincinnati and then drove about 30 miles to Lancaster. As we descended I felt a tingling in my skin. I did not realize it but we had passed directly over Three Mile Island! I hoped that the residual radiation combined with being bitten by an insect would give me super powers (think Spiderman) - but alas twas not to be.

However, I did take a cue from good ol' Dr. Teller. As Don Delillo recounts in the novel Underworld, allegedly Dr. Teller (architect of the world's first atomic explosion) feared the effects of the blast even from his viewing site 20 miles away he felt it prudent to apply suntan lotion to his face and hands. Dunno if it really works, but I'll confess to a little bit of temptation to have a TSA approved container of Coppertone in my carry on.

As an example of cultural differences, as we arrived in Harrisburg area there were a few vehicles on display in the baggage claim area. I found that somewhat unusual and wondered why an AIRPORT would promote CAR advertising. Well, one of them was a nice Lexus but the other - wow, it was a tractor. And one heck of a tractor. Painted traditional John Deere green, but it looked oddly attractive - visualize a kross (ha ha ha) between a workhorse Kubota and the racy lines of a Kaliber and you'll never look at the north forty (or is it south forty?) in the same way again.

I was very careful with my pro-nunc-iation in Lancaster. You see, I was born in Lancaster, but not Pennsylvania. My emergence into the world took place in Lancaster, California. Now, as every good Californian knows Lancaster is pronounced "lan-caster", like "plan-castor". However in Pennsylvania it is pronounced "lan-custer". I did not correct the Pennsylvanians who continually pronounced it the wrong way.

I had a cold, and it manifested itself by turning my left eye bright red. I felt OK, but greeting the client I felt like cyclops. I thought it would be kinda cool to wear an eyepatch, but then I would have started to talk like a pirate:

Arrh, matey - so ye be buyin' an online banking solution? Well let's talk about yer implementation over a mug o' rum. We'll make them other vendors walk a little plank, won't we? Shiver me timbers if I don't show you why we be bee-in the best. Yo ho ho and all that.

Well, the meetings went OK even though I was a bit self conscious. During one session my boss asked to borrow the rental car keys, under the pretext that she had left her power cord in the hotel room. She swears that she really did forget it, but let it also be memorialized in this post that she also took advantage of the opportunity to find a hard rock station, crank up the radio, turn heater fan to full, put my seat all the way back, and turn on the windshield wipers to "warp speed". Yes, I was caught by surprise.

One evening after work my colleague John and I ventured out for dinner. I say 'venture' because I'm kind of a fuddy duddy when I travel, usually staying close to the hotel. But John said something like "let's just drive around until we find something". Wow, I felt the tingling sensation of the recklessness of youth filling my mind with endless possibilities like windblown tumbleweeds drifting through the vast Mojave desert of my youth. We'll just drive! Yeah, we got all night in a rental car in a strange town (strange as in foreign, not in people. And not foreign as in foreigners but foreign like unusual. Not that the town was unusual...I give up).

And drive we did. We just motored around, got on the pike (on the west coast we have highways, back east they call them 'pikes') and headed north. Or south or it might have been west, perhaps east. But we were driving! In a rental car! In a strange, foreign, unusual town!

As we wandered, a moment of creepy eeriness descended like fog covering the grounds of the haunted mansion. We had driven in a big circle and right back to the client's office! Wow. OK, we drove around some more and found this awesome restaurant called Hayden Zugs. From mass media marketing musings we obtain these observations:

Haydn Zug’s, located in Historic Lancaster County Pennsylvania, offers fine dining in a colonial atmosphere. A member of the prestigious Dirona Association of fine dining establishments, Haydn Zug’s has been offering fine dining since 1969. Today, the restaurant boasts an award-winning wine cellar that has been memorialized in Wine Spectator magazine.

I don't really care about that. What I care about is the incredible steak, indescribable beer, intoxicating bread, and the cutest little itty bitty containers you have ever seen. It was one of those places where they take your coat and give you a little ticket to claim it. The Taco Bells I have frequented do not have that service, although some of them do have people that will take your coat if you are not looking. If you were to go to Lancaster you MUST eat there.

The Trip Home

John and I parted ways at the Harrisburg airport, with me heading to Cincinatti for my connecting flight to PDX and he going through D.C. On the plane was a small group of what I perceived to be soldiers. They seemed so young, and each of them carried a manila envelope with what might have been their orders. They did not appear to be seasoned travelers and somewhat unsure of themselves. I couldn't help wonder if they were on their way to Iraq. I have no idea if they were even in the service but I said a prayer for their safe passage through the war if they were. I dozed off but then woke up during our descent into Cincinatti and began to converse with the guy in the seat next to me. Turns out he was a Commander and General of a Marine Corps Division. Wow! Although our time was limited we hit it off and he gave me his address and contact info in Atlanta. Hope to see you someday again!

At last I began the long flight home from Cincinatti. I hate flying west. Not just because of bucking the headwinds from the jetstream, but also watching...the...sun...set....forever. Now, I like seeing a sunset as much as the next guy. But when you are chasing the sun it drags on and on and on... Finally, as the sun sank into the horizon the waning rays caught the wing and it shimmered like a sumari sword severing the currents of air as we passed through daylight into twilight. Little towns emerged far below as their little lights became visible. Made me think of that song by - I think - St. Etienne (or maybe Ivy) with the lyrics "stars above us, cars below us". Ah, a poetic moment.

And there you have it - Dave visits Pennsylvania.

Sticks and Stones will break my bones...

...and so will being clumsy.

So there I was. Sherry had a friend who had a birthday to stop by and celebrate. As Cindy and Sherry were both in the kitchen blocking my access to the refrigerator (a very dangerous and precarious position to assume) I attempted to maneuver past them with a single, fluid motion in a daring display of my dexterity. Unfortunately, our cabinets and countertops did not comply. I jammed my toe and grunted in pain as my nerves communicated to my brain that injury was not only imminent but realized.

With an ungraceful, non-fluidic response I stumbled and Cindy naturally stuck out her arms to break my fall. In an instant of time I'm wracked with pain, in the arms of another woman, in my kitchen, in front of my wife.

From previous daring displays of dexterity I knew I had broken my little toe.

But, we are a culture that looks to put any blame on another entity or circumstance, right? Of course. Not wanting to appear clumsy, I searched diligently for an excuse. And found one! I take pulmicort for asthma. some of the documented side effects include:

Immediate and delayed hypersensitivity reactions including rash, contact dermatitis, angioedema, and bronchospasm; symptoms of hypocorticism and hypercorticism; psychiatric symptoms including depression, aggressive reactions, irritability, anxiety, and psychosis; Bad taste, headache, nausea and dryness of the throat were reported less frequently. Other side effects reported on occasion were tiredness, thirst and diarrhea.

Sounds like a typical day at work, doesn't it? Well, you can add to the list "bone disorders including avascular necrosis of the femoral head and osteoporosis".

Of course - broken bones! Ha, the scapegoat at last - the explanation for all my problems - drugs! All this time I thought I was afflicted with MCS (male clumsiness syndrome) but it turns out to be the drug I'm taking. But wait, I broke the same toe long before I had asthma...

We rode the tram! We rode the tram!

It began with this weird looking tower being constructed on the east side of I-5 just as begins to dump right into downtown Portland. I was (and still am) fascinated by it's unique architecture, looking like any moment it would topple to the ground and crush hapless motorists on the freeway below.

Eventually I found that it was the support tower for the Portland Tram. Ahhhh - the Portland Tram!

Like any project of this magnitude it was not without issues, particularly budget. Significantly over budget already, cost overruns followed cost overruns. Initially budgeted for $15.5 million, the project came in at $57 million! That's over twice what I make in a year! Leaving a fired program director in it's wake, the spiraling budget almost ground the project to a halt and abandonment.



Well, now it's finished and working great. Our friends Ed & Fern called us up one night a few weeks ago and said "let's go ride the tram". Sure, why not ride the tram? Also it was a cheap date as in the month of February rides were free, now the fare is 4 bucks for a round trip ticket.


There are two cabins, but I think a more appropriate moniker would be "eggs". Like silvery orbs escaping the gentle puff of a child with a bubble pipe they float above the Portland cityscape in a steady but unhurried pace.




Here's the (boring) technical description: The Tram cabins travel 3,300 linear feet between the South Waterfront terminal adjacent to the OHSU Center for Health & Healing, and the upper terminal at the Kohler Pavilion on OHSU's main campus. Traveling at 22 miles per hour, the Tram cabins rise 500 feet for the three-minute trip over I-5, the Lair Hill neighborhood and the Southwest Terwilliger Parkway.


22 miles per hours is not blindingly fast, but when the eggs pass one another you get a sense of speed that is a unique sensation. Now here's the cool part they don't tell you - as the egg ascends up to and then passes over the crest of the tower there is a marked drop that will surprise you! Not scary enough to make kids cry, but more than you would expect. We rode the tram for six round trip cycles and after the first few times of jockeying for a window view from the cabin, I would strategically position myself right in the middle with the aid of a support rail. Passing over the tower gave me the opportunity to surf, if you will; the sudden descent. Woo hoo!


When the cabins dock, it is also very cool. It doesn't take much imagination to pretend that you are in a shuttle docking at a space station. I also enjoyed looking at the mechanics of the tram operations with the cables, wheels and counterweights.


My favorite part of the experience? Because the tram connects the OHSU Center for Health & Healing to Oregon Health & Sciences University (or as we locals call it - "pill hill") one would expect an extraordinary concern for safety and the tram has much redundancy and controls installed to reassure and reinforce how stable and safe the experience is. Note though that the concern for safety stretches beyond the tram itself to the Center for Health & Healing as demonstrated by this sign affixed above the toilets:

"Toilets and urinals are flushed with reclaimed water - do not drink"

Thank you! As it is not my habit to drink out of a toilet I'm sure that the admonition will apply to others who may occasionally succumb to the temptation.

For more about the tram you can visit here and here.

Tribute to Bruce Metzger

In the New York Times obituaries on Friday February 16 the death of Bruce Manning Metzger is noted (born February 9, 1914, deceased February 13, 2007). Dr. Metzger was a towering figure skilled in Biblical languages, particularly koine (i.e. "common") Greek and his studies of the New Testament and Apocryphal books. Let it not be overlooked that he was also skilled and fluent in Latin, Hebrew, Coptic, Syriac, Russian, German, French and Dutch. To contrast, I'm skilled in the English dialects of Californian (like, you know) and Oregonian (vente, nonfat, no whip, extra hot raspberry mocha with a sticker and a thermal sleeve).

Dr. Metzger was best known to the general public of his supervising of the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, which uses contemporary English and does away with much of the exclusively masculine language of previous translations. Pronouns like thee, thou, and thine found contemporary counterparts that were more understandeable, along with eliminating verbs such as art, hast and hadst. Although Metger could be a lightning rod for convservatives, overall his accomplishements and defense of the manuscript evidence for the Bible was towering.

Why is this all so important anyway? Let me digress for a moment and provide a few thoughts on translation. The challenge is this: although the literal translation of words remains constant, language changes over time. Therefore, to be meaningful the language must be accessible to the reader. Can you think of an example? Although somewhat rough, if I say "I made an inquiry into the life of Bruce Metzger" you would know what I mean. But, to the savvy internet literati I could also say "I googled Bruce Metzger" and that meaning would be the same. Think of words that even weren't around even 15 years ago - bling, podcast.


The translator is also challenged by not only making something accessible, and yet be faithful to the original word itself balanced with context and meaning. In Biblical translation these concepts are expressed as functional dynamics and formal dynamics. Functional dynamics will take a thought for thought approach, where formal dynamics takes a word for word approach. I find it helpful in my studies to incorporate both types of translations. For example, Matthew 9:11 in the New American Standard Bible reads:

When the Pharisees saw this, they said to His disciples, "Why is your Teacher eating with the tax collectors and sinners?"

That is a formal dynamic, where the text contains the literal words "tax collectors" and "sinners". Now look at this same verse in the New Living Translation:

But when the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with such scum?”

Now to be fair the NLT does contain a footnote that references the precise translation of tax collectors and sinners. But what the NLT does is to draw out the context, to show that the Pharisees (a sect of Judiasm at that time) despised and looked down on tax collectors and sinners.

Let it be said though that Dr. Metzger was not above criticism, as some evangelicals criticized him for saying that many biblical books, like the book of Genesis, were "composites of several sources" rather than the work of individual authors. Metzger's contention that certain extra-biblical books were inspired but not canonical was also critiqued by some evangelicals, who said such beliefs undermined Scripture's inerrancy.

However, his legacy will not soon be forgotten. One of my favorite quotes attributed to Metzger is this:

"You have to understand that the canon was not the result of a series of contests involving church politics. … . You see, the canon is a list of authoritative books more than it is an authoritative list of books. These documents didn't derive their authority from being selected; each one was authoritative before anyone gathered them together."

Love it! For a personal tribute John Piper records his thoughts here. Through gates of splendor Metzger has now entered into his rest.

Dream On

No, this isn't about the Aerosmith song that rocked the airwaves in the 70's (although I did have the 8-track tape when it came out).

I often have vivid, strange dreams. One of my all time favorites is when I was piloting (captaining? driving?) a PT boat through rough waters - the 3 powerful packard v-12 engines caused a thrumming underneath my feet as I held the boat steady and roared through the waves like a lasik surgery on an old eyeball.

Well, this dream started in a warehouse in Los Angeles with me supplying drugs to one of my old friends, Tyler. Now I should qualify that Tyler was sick and these were not illegal drugs but over the counter medicine. I left Tyler and the warehouse and walked down the street to a small bungalow of the type that overtook the city in the 50's and 60's like lighter fluid on a bed of charcoal.

In the bungalow was a woman in her mid 30's whose name I never learned, but she did have an 8 year old daughter named Ivy who was cute as a spring flower pushing it's way up out of the drab winter soil. As we talked together Ivy's mom mentioned that Leo was going to come over.

A few minutes later Leonardo DiCaprio entered the house. I was trying to be as nonchalant as a pretty high school girl snubbing an eyeglass wearing nerd (note the subtle reference to my high school days). I said "hey Leo, how you doing"? Apparently he knew me as he replied "great Dave, how are you?". He then said to Ivy "would you like to see some magic tricks?" "sure" she replied. Leo then proceeded to pull a red pocket square (I dream in color) from his breast pocket (he was wearing a sport coat) and proceeded to do some tricks. After a few minutes I bid a farewell and left the house.

I walked down to a street corner and up drove my grandma (now deceased). She was driving a convertible Cadillac with the top down and it was filled with a bunch of high school girls who were indifferent to me apparently reinforcing my poor self image. Why is this relevant? Grandma never drove in her entire life. Well, she went around a corner and the shocks were bad and the heavy caddie leaned far into the turn. Then, we were paralleling a mass transit system light rail. For some reason I extended my arm to put my hand in the air. As we drove underneath a sign, my finger was caught in the sign. Grandma wasn't driving very fast but I knew the momentum would rend my finger from my hand if I didn't do something fast. Fortunately, I was wearing gloves! I managed to extricate my finger from the glove and all was well.

We stopped the car where the tracks ended at a huge Macy's store. All commuters were forced to disembark like ants sprayed with bug spray fleeing their anthill. But all was not lost! The light rail tracks continued right into the Macy's store. The commuters could then walk through the store following the tracks as they wound their way through the men's department, appliances, etc. The tracks were shiny polished silver and rather than being a distraction they lent an elegant air to the store design. The tracks finally led outside the store to another statioin where the commuters could then embark and continue on their journey.

And then I woke up.

Business Trip - Honolulu

I had the recent opportunity to travel to Honolulu for business. I do enjoy traveling to places I have never been before, but this was certainly an exception! As usual, the trip was full of new adventures. Join with me as I recount some highlights:

Everybody's gone surfing....

I flew in early to have a day to myself. It has been over a decade since I was last on Oahu, and although I have been to Pearl Harbor (where the memories are still vivid and put a lump in my throat) and Hanauma Bay (motto: let's see how many haolies we can cram into this small bay and then snicker at them) but it has been long enough that I don't remember the North Shore.

Ah, the North Shore - a mecca of surfing, and especially in the winter when the waves are at the biggest. Home to some of the most famous beaches in the world - Waimea Bay, Sunset Beach, and last but certainly not least the Banzai Pipeline. The cool thing is that there was a surfing competition at the the Pipeline, camera crews and everything. Probably 150 people had turned out and I sat on the beach for a while just hanging out. However, when I got to Sunset Beach it was incredible! Huge waves were forming and breaking far from the shore, I'm guessing 15-18 feet high. The surfers were incredible, and in my uneducated opinion the surfing was much "mo betta" than at the Pipeline.

Splish splash I was takin' a bath

I was sandy and sweaty after spending the day at the North Shore. Returning to the hotel, I noticed that the bathroom had a jacuzzi tub! Now I'm a shower guy and haven't taken a bath since I don't know when. However, I thought this would be just right. I filled the tub, turned on the jacuzzi jets and sank into restful bliss. I noticed on the counter a little tray of toiletries. There was a bottle labeled "bath something", where the something refers to a word I don't remember. I picked up the bottle and gave a good squeeze into the tub. Suddenly, a high tide of bubbles began to rise. Quickly they rose to my chest, then chin, and threatened to drown me! By the time I turned the jets off, there were bubbles spilling over onto the floor and moving toward the bathroom door. I survived the attack.

Superbowl Sunday

I'm not a football fan, so when the game started I went out to the hotel pool. It was a great experience having the whole deck and pool to myself! After a good swim I showered (eschewing the bubble bath bad behavior) and went out to eat. I found a Don Ho restaurant where the denizens were inside watching and screaming at the game. What does that mean? That means that even at the dinner hour I had a seat out on the veranda where I was caressed by a gentle breeze, enjoying a magnificent view, and supping on tropical delicacies.

Elevator noises

The hotel I stayed at had peculiar characteristics. It started life as condos, but as the financial district grew around it a renovation occurred and ownership passed to turn it into a business traveler hotel. In my room the outside walls were floor to ceiling windows, where I could sit with my morning coffee and watch the sparkling sunrise slowly illuminate the industrial section of the bay that my window faced. Sunlight would glint off the rusting and towering cranes as they slowly loaded cargo containers on massive ships to soon traverse the ocean blue. Slight oil slicks would occasionally present a soft rainbow pattern hovering over the water. One of the more interesting facets of this diamond of a hotel was the elevators. Each one had an unusal, slightly unnerving, noise. I'll call them elevator A, B and C. Elevator A kind of squeaked, like the cables needed lubricating. Elevator B occasionaly thumped, like there was an obstruction in the shaft such as a speed bump that it would hit each time. Elevator C banged, such as the carriage was floating loose in the shaft and hit the walls in the ascent/descent.

There's no place like home.

On my last night I was wandering around and literally right across the street was what looked to be an older (brick) building that had been converted to offices. On the building were these words: The Oregon Building. Over the door was this word: Portland. How nice to have a subtle reminder of home sweet home in Honolulu of all places!

I want to believe.

It was a dark and stormy night. Although no rain was falling the wind was whipping violently. There I was, not on some lonely country road but going south on 217 in rush hour traffic.

Suddenly, there it was. When you expect a visit from a monster, a myth, a legend you expect it in a creepy mansion or a deserted gas station on a dark desert highway. Not in rush hour traffic. But I could not deny what my eyes had seen.

You see, I saw a sea bat. I did not know that they ventured this far inland. Black as the night, with a wingspan of about 3 feet across it hovered I'm guessing about 15 feet above the highway. Wings gently flapping and using the force of the wind it looked like it was about to swoop down on an unsuspecting automobile and rip its victims right through the roof. My heart skipped a beat as terror began to pump raw adrenaline into my body. Fight or flight? I was ready to fly, guy!

Now, lest you accuse me of highway hallucinations let me say that it could have been just a garbage bag flapping and floating in the breeze. Sure, it could have been the overactive imagination of a stressed out rush hour minion. Sure, it could also have been the pepperoni pizza from lunch.

However, I'm not the first to experience the terror that a sea bat can visit upon an unsuspecting soul. The first known sighting of a sea bat has been documented by my friend Steve here.

You may say there is no such thing as a sea bat, but as for me and Seaman Murphy - we believe.

Putting the Quality in Assurance

I use a networking tool that I find very helpful called LinkedIn. Every now and then I surf former places of employment or do a name search to see if anyone I know is a member.

A few days ago I found a person whose profile indicated proficiency in quality assurance. In the software development world QA provides the function of checking work that the engineers produce to ensure that the specifications were met and to undercover any potential "bugs" or defects. I tell you that because QA is a very precise endeavor and attention to detail is paramount.

This particular individual (I did not know him) had provided his job title as:

Quality Asserance Manager

I feel reassered that the software he is in charge of testing will werk jest fine.

Oh the weather outside is frightful....

We had a storm yesterday. Now, here in Portland we're used to rain. Lots of rain. Rain, rain, rain rain. But this was a snow storm. Our USPS team lived up to the motto of "neither rain nor snow...." in admirable fashion.

Well, we just don't do snow. That's not how we roll. Our daring denizens were not dismayed and dashed into the winter wonderland with nary a care nor caution. Turns out that maybe a little care and caution could have been perhaps a better idea.

Examples you ask? Examples I provide. In any city it is probable that encounters of road rage will present themselves. But here in Portland we have snowball rage. Let's suppose that you are driving down the street. Some teenagers are throwing snowballs at each other. What a picture of wintertime bliss! But wait - what if a random, not even intentional, snowball hits your car? What should you do? Of course! Jump out and stab one of the little hooligans. Welcome to Portland.

Well, at least our school systems exhibit the proper precaution. Very quickly schools planned and communicated their closures. Except for the suburb of Beaverton. In the face of impending snow and ice the district determined that they would take a stand against nature. The schools would remain open and the buses were sent to fetch the students. And then the district realized that, well maybe they should not have done that. Several chained up buses slid off the road, and nature had her revenge when the superintendent drove out to fly the flag and rescue some of the kids. Her car slid off of the road and into the bus.

But that's not all - among the dozens of kids that were injured in sledding accidents is the tragic story of a young girl that was being towed behind her father's pickup. He lost control and she was flung into a concrete school bench and suffered fatal injuries. Reports indicate that he was drinking and could face criminal charges. Sad, so very sad.

Well, you may think that I'm exaggerating but check this video clip out. Oh yeah, add to the list that we don't stay inside where it is safe. Just like the faithful postal workers mentioned above (Lisa, Al - you rock!) we know how to drive in bad weather and aren't afraid to show it.

Happy Anniversary - 10 Years!

10 years ago today Sherry and I held hands running across the finish line at the Honolulu Marathon. Yesterday 10 years ago Sherry and I celebrated her birthday at the Hard Rock Cafe in Lahaina. Today, 10 years ago Sherry and I were married at Papakea Resort just north of Ka'anapali on Maui.

It's amazing how quickly the time goes by, and our lives have changed - yet we remain in love and grateful for the gift of each other's support and commitment as through this life we travel! There seems to be a pattern in marriage, where at some point there is a "tipping" if you will where we acknowledge the passion experienced early now finds it's counterbalance in stability and supportiveness for each other. That's the way we feel - safe, secure and comforted as we continue to learn about each other, even after a decade of being together. I think about our vows, how much they did and how much they still mean. Have I fulfilled all of these? Certainly not! But I continue to let them provide direction and substance to our life together.

1. I promise to give you the best of myself and to ask of you no more than you can give.
2. I promise to respect you as your own person and to realize that your interests, desires and needs are no less important than my own.
3. I promise to share with you my time and attention and to bring joy, strength and imagination to our relationship.
4. I promise to keep myself open to you, to let you see through the window of my world into my innermost fears and feelings, secrets and dreams.
5. I promise to grow along with you - to be willing to face changes in order to keep our friendship alive and exciting.
6. I promise to seek God's will and praise him continually with you as we discover all He has for us.
7. I promise to love you in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, with all I have to give and all I feel inside in the only way I know how - completely and forever.
   

What have I learned in 10 years of marriage? A whole lot! And not enough! I suppose I could ramble on for pages. But one thing that sticks out is how similar and how different we are. We had rented a tandem on Maui, and our plan was to ride it from Lahaina to Kihei, eat lunch and come back. If I recall correctly it was about 20 miles to Kihei. Our tandem was lettered Fred on the front seat tube, and Wilma on the back seat tube. We took off and immediately had problems. I would not communicate with Sherry. She needed to know when I was slowing, stopping, accelerating or shifting. And for shifting she wanted to know if I was upshifting our downshifting. We got into an argument, and then finally developed a good steady pace, augmented by communication.

I should tell you that I was training for a triathlon scheduled the week after we arrived home. In my vision for the day I decided we would ride aggressively and get some good training in. In Sherry's view of the day we would have a leisurely ride as we enjoyed the sights. Naturally, we got into an argument. We managed to get through that and made our way to Kihei. I had thought of a fast food lunch, as people really do go to Maui for the Taco Bell, right? Wrong. At least in Sherry's view. So, we got into an argument. Well, we managed to agree on lunch and then made our way back to Kihei. About three quarters of the way we decided to change positions and let Sherry captain the tandem. We started again, and I still wanted to control the bike. Yes, we got into an argument. Then, we realized how stupid it all was - here we are in one of the most beautiful places on earth, arguing all day and missing the moment entirely. We started (no, not arguing!) laughing until tears were rolling down our cheeks at the absurdity of it all.

Why do I tell you this? The card I picked for Sherry showed a little happy cartoon of a husband and wife on a tandem with the inscription that says Happy Anniversary Sweetheart! On the inside it says "we make a good team". And we do! But not in the way we would ever imagine. You see, we will make it to the finish line. And we will do it as a team. But I've found that I will never be Sherry and she will never be me (duhhhh). Our similarities drew us together, and our differences rather than dividing create the opportunity for the miracle that love is to flourish in our lives. Yes, we will make it to the finish line. Together. With Sherry on her bike, and me on mine!

I love you sweetie.

Bong Hits 4 Jesus

Now that's an evangelistic approach! I suppose the temptations of the cult of the cannabis extend back thousands of years, even to Old Testament era where a pagan king got Daniel high. OK, all bad puns aside the situation is this:

It all started in 2002, when high school senior Joseph Frederick unfurled a 14-foot banner reading "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" during a field trip to watch the Olympic torch pass through Juneau, Alaska. His Principal at the time, Deborah Morse, tore down the sign and suspended him for 10 days.

Now, to the uninitiated I might add that a bong is a device used to smoke marijuana or hashish through a water filled container. I might add that is what we used a bong for in the 1970's, I'm not sure (and this is a good thing!) if bongs are even used today, or if so what for.

Anyway, Frederick sued alleging that his freedom of speech had been violated. Despite failing locally, in March of this year the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals agreed with him, ruling that school officials may not "punish and censor non-disruptive" speech by students at school-sponsored events simply because they object to the message.

But guess who stood up the 9th Circuit Court? None less than the Whitewater Superstarr Kenneth Starr! He urged the court to re-examine the decision. According to his petition

"this case presents the Court with a much-needed opportunity to resolve a sharp conflict among federal courts (and to eliminate confusion on the part of school boards, administrators, teachers, and students) over whether the First Amendment permits regulation of student speech when such speech is advocating or making light of illegal substances."

But as Emil Steiner asks, is it just about "illegal substances" or could this ruling allow schools to tear down any banners they don't like? What about these scenarios, would the banner be OK?

• Guns 4 Jesus
• Cigarettes 4 Jesus
• Doctor Prescribed Oxycontin 4 Jesus
  

That's a great question Emil! The center of the tumult involves free speech and it's relationship to illegal substances. But what if the banner said something like this:

• High School Seniors 4 Jesus
  

Or what if the subject and object of the phrase were reversed?

• Jesus 4 Bong Hits
  

Unless Jesus was declared to be an illegal substance, those would likely only create a tumult within the catholic (little 'c') church. But wouldn't it be fun to see Starr get wrapped up in that? Replay the famous definition of what the word "is" is and you can see this get to be entertaining real fast!

Well, although I would never condone taking a bong hit for Jesus some other things that are done "4 Jesus" have resulted in legal action.

In Crown Point Indiana as the AP reported February 18, 2002 four families sued a a church whose leaders they say forced their children to drink a mix of dog food, salsa, sauerkraut, sardines, potted meat, eggnog and cottage cheese. A youth pastor who organized the New Year's Eve event for teen-agers said the "gross-out" contest was for laughs and no one was forced to ingest the mixture that had been chewed and spit out. Sandra Gomez whose 13-year-old son won $50 for drinking the mixture, said the boy developed diarrhea and stomach cramps and was sick for about a week.

Sounds like a made for TV situation, doesn't it:

FEAR FACTOR 4 JESUS!

Book Review - Everyman

Philip Roth brings us a small (182 page) book with a big meaning. Although Benjamin Franklin is who the following quote is attributed to, a variant was also used by Daniel Defoe prior to Franklin. Franklin's version is the one that we are most familiar with:

"In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."

Well, this book is not about taxes, and the last time I checked the death rate still averaged about one per person. A curious aspect of the book is that the central figure is never named. The book begins at his funeral, then re-starts with the recollections of Everyman's childhood. The transition is accomplished naturally and smoothly, and is an example of Roth's capable skills as a writer. Oddly enough, there are parallels to my own father in this book. The first is that as a young boy Everyman is hospitalized for a hernia, and next to him is another boy who dies in the middle of the night. This same exact experience happened to my father, where in Minneapolis he was admitted to a hospital (I believe for complications due to asthma) where a young boy in the bed next to him passed away. I think these brushes with death remind us all of how frail and quick life can be.

In my own childhood I had a neighbor kid who I hung out with for a brief time. Oddly enough, I don't remember his name! I suppose forty years of time can do that. Following the method set by Roth, I'll call him Everyboy. Either his family or our family moved, creating the natural rift we all experience when our relational circles change. Word came to me that he had been killed riding his bike, as he was crossing a street a car ran him over. It was an odd moment for me, that I would never ride bikes with him again. Even at that young age (I'm guess I was about 8) I was impacted by death.

Well, so was Everyman. During his childhood he views a dead sailor washed up on the shore being removed by the Coast Guard. Roth then takes us in a jump over time, simply stating without any qualification that 22 years had passed. We journey through Everyman's failed marriages, estrangement from his sons, and both love and envy regarding his brother who exhibited superior health. Through various ailments we hear Everyman's facing his mortality with statements like this:

"...but now eluding death seemed to become the central business of his life and bodily decay his entire story".

After his successful career, he takes up a lifelong passion - being an artist. This is the second parallel to my own father. Dad worked at various jobs his whole life, and now is doing what he has always wanted to do - teaching art to children. Everyman offers painting classes to other members in his retirement community, and befriends a woman who bemoans her loss of vitality and is apologetic for the physical needs she has. He tries to comfort her, but 10 days later she commits suicide with an overdose of pain medication. It is an interesting scene, where the one thing that brings relief to her life is also used as the contributor of her death.

As I read through the book, a dawning thought began to take hold of me - the central figure of this book is not Everyman, it is death and its predecessor, the decline of health as age stalks us all. Although Roth does not invest in anthropomorphic comparisions of death, the theme emerges and is always tied to the thoughts, words and actions of the figures in the book.

I suppose that the two great literary themes are love and death. In the book "The Question of God" by Dr. Armand M. Nicholi Jr. postulates a debate between Sigmund Freud and C.S. Lewis. In it Nicholi asks the age old question:

"How do we resolve and come to terms with what Freud called "the painful riddle of death"? Socrates said "the true philosopher is always pursuing death and dying".

Roth's answer is that as Everyman is being prepped for yet another surgery, under the effect of the anasthetic; he dreams about the vitality of his youth, the treasure of a summer day at the seashore, the perfect priceless planet that earth is and his excitement and longing to enjoy every day. Roth describes how

"He went under feeling far from felled, anything but doomed, eager yet again to be fulfilled, but nonetheless, he never woke up. Cardiac arrest. He was no more, freed from being, entering into nowhere without even knowing it. Just as he'd feared from the start"

The question we ask is this: if we came from nothing, and we end in nothing, why do our lives mean something? In not only the Christian worldview but other religions as well, death is NOT the end of existence. But Roths seems to think so.

GRADE:

1. Literary - A+. Roth communicates his ideas fluidly and cohesively. This is an easy reading book where concepts do not need equivocation.
2. Worldview - F. Roth communicates his ideas fluidly and cohesively. Unfortunately, this is not the worldview that I espouse!
   

Name my Band

I have a recurring fantasy where I'm a rock star. With my long mane of hair whipping around as my fingers move so fast on the stratocaster that Eddie Van Halen would be purple with envy I'd fill arenas all across America. There are some hilarious and creative names for rock groups, my favorite being Rick Digger and the Refried Loquats.

It would be kind of hard though to hold on to my modest values and be a superstar at the same time. Therefore, instead of making people pay to come to my concerts, I'll pay them to come to my concerts! My co-workers would probably be in agreement that that's the only way I'll ever get to sing in public anyway.

I was walking Kadie the wonder dog a few days ago and looking at Christmas decorations. I noticed this big inflatable Santa who had apparently sprung a leak and was sprawled across a roof looking like he had imbibed in a little too much holiday cheer. Suddenly a gust of wind caused one of his legs to move in a lifelike fashion, startling me. Then, Santa moved in a manner that suggested death was imminent and gave me inspiration for the name of my band:

Dave Mundt and the Dead Santas

Are you ready to rock? Coming soon to an arena near you!

The New Atheists and Old Belief Systems - Part 2

Gary Wolf continues his article with a conversation with Sam Harris (you can read part 1 here) :

"As I test out the New Atheist arguments, I realize that the problem with logic is that it doesn't quicken the blood sufficiently -- even my own. But if logic by itself won't do the trick, how about the threat of apocalypse? The apocalyptic argument for atheism is the province of Sam Harris, who released a book two years ago called The End of Faith: Religion Terror, and the Future of Reason."

As Wolf reports, Harris argues that, unless we renounce faith, religious violence will soon bring civilization to an end. This autumn, Harris has a new book out, Letter to a Christian Nation. In it, he demonstrates the behavior he believes atheists should adopt when talking with Christians. "Nonbelievers like myself stand beside you," he writes, addressing his imaginary opponent, "dumbstruck by the Muslim hordes who chant death to whole nations of the living. But we stand dumbstruck by you as well -- by your denial of tangible reality, by the suffering you create in service to your religious myths, and by your attachment to an imaginary God."

Yikes! So I'm in denial of reality, suffering starts with me, and I am subject to my imagination. But you know, I'm really getting into this dialogue. Rather than being threatened I'm challenged in my beliefs and find it strangely refreshing to looking at what I believe through the eyes of someone outside of my "Christian" circle.

Wolf expresses his desire to talk with Harris - about emotion, about politics, about his conviction that the days of civilization are numbered unless we renounce irrational belief. Given the way things are going, I want to know if he is depressed. Is he preparing for the end?

He is not.

"Look at slavery," he says. We are at a beautiful restaurant in Santa Monica, near the public lots from which Americans -- nearly 80 percent of whom believe the Bible is the true word of God, if polls are correct -- walk happily down to the beach in various states of undress. "People used to think," Harris says, "that slavery was morally acceptable. The most intelligent, sophisticated people used to accept that you could kidnap whole families, force them to work for you, and sell their children. That looks ridiculous to us today. We're going to look back and be amazed that we approached this asymptote of destructive capacity while allowing ourselves to be balkanized by fantasy. What seems quixotic is quixotic -- on this side of a radical change. From the other side, you can't believe it didn't happen earlier. At some point, there is going to be enough pressure that it is just going to be too embarrassing to believe in God."

Hey, how can you not like a guy who uses words like asymptote? I'm not sure, but I believe the inference is that theists at the best and Christians at the worst created and condoned slavery. It is interesting that he seems to contradict Dawkins on the intelligence issue, that it was intelligent, nay the MOST intelligent and sophisticated people who supported the practice. Now I won't deny that many horrible things have been done in the name of religion. But some good things have also been done. Regarding the references to slavery above, an appropriate example is William Wilberforce, who after his conversion to Christianity was an effective and eloquent figure against whom slavery suffered a mortal wound.

Wolf and Harris then discuss what it might look like, this world without God. "There would be a religion of reason," Harris says. "We would have realized the rational means to maximize human happiness. We may all agree that we want to have a Sabbath that we take really seriously -- a lot more seriously than most religious people take it. But it would be a rational decision, and it would not be just because it's in the Bible. We would be able to invoke the power of poetry and ritual and silent contemplation and all the variables of happiness so that we could exploit them. Call it prayer, but we would have prayer without bullshit."

Wolf does call it prayer and describes it this way: that our reason will subjugate our superstition, that our intelligence will check our illusions, that we will be able to hold at bay the evil temptation of faith.

What is prayer anyway? To me, there are two constants in prayer that I am aware of that cross religious boundaries. First, we pray to an entity - something that exists. Second, we pray to something that is greater than us - we don't pray to equals. That's why the parody of God represented by the Flying Spaghetti Monster can be proffered.

I'm enlightened by this interview, in that I now know that the religion of atheism is supported by prayer, and that the center of the atheist worldview is nothing less than happiness. Not world peace, not justice, not the elimination of poverty or starvation, but happiness.

It's frightening to realize how much of the seeds of this worldview have been planted and are now taking root. Oh, how naive I was watching the Partridge Family after school every day and singing along with the lyrics, not knowing that the roots of atheism were being planted deep into our culture:

Hello, world, here the song that we're singin',

C'mon get happy!

A whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringin'

We'll make you happy!

We had a dream, we'd go travelin' together,

We'd spread a little lovin' then we'd keep movin' on.

Somethin' always happens whenever we're together

We get a happy feelin' when we're singing a song.

Trav'lin' along there's a song that we're singin'

C'mon get happy!

A Whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringin'

We'll make you happy!

We'll make you happy!

We'll make you happy!

Please pray for me.

Of cops, donuts and machine guns

My anonymous friend who will remain anonymous is the captain of the police force in an anonymous city here in an anonymous state (OK, Orygun where the willuhmutt river flows freely on it's journey to the Superfund passage).


My friend teaches machine gun tactics and safety. How cool is that? Let's look at the gradution photo of a recent live fire exercise:

Ahh, there's nothing like a man and his machine gun! Please note that the scenario resulting in the carnage (get it? car-nage? ha ha ha) above was a hypothetical hostage situation. The lesson learned from this is: you never, ever want to be taken hostage in Oregon!

There is also an interesting visual in this picture. Police officers are subject to stereotyping, and if I may be so bold to point out (at the risk of a plethora of MP-5s pointed at my posterier) that an abundance of donuts fueled the day of machine gun fun.

Wish I was there.

"Some of the students did not take this very well"

There was a little problem reported at Old Dominion University. A computer glitch erroneously refunded dozens of students thousands of dollars. And now the school is asking for the money back. School officials said that 55 students are being told they must reimburse the school a total of about $323,000.00.


President Roseann Runte said during a meeting of the executive committee of the Board of Visitors on Monday that "Some of the students did not take this very well".

Robert Fenning, vice president for administration and finance, said some students owe as little as $1,000 while some owe up to $15,000. Some of the students had asked about the checks, but were told they were legitimate, Fenning said. Officials said the affected students began as out-of-state students, who pay higher tuition than in-state students, and later switched their residences to Virginia. When the student records software was upgraded, it read the new addresses and applied them retroactively, issuing refund checks to those it perceived as having overpaid.

The error was discovered in August after another software upgrade, but it had been happening since last year, Fenning said. The school checked all the records and sent letters to the affected students earlier this month. Repayment plans are being worked out, officials said.


HT to Stickyminds

All I want for Christmas

For the third year, I post my Christmas wish list. For the third year, I only ask for one item. For the third year, it involves wheels. For the third year, I don't think I'm going to receive it. For the third year, I'll ask anyway! Here's what I wanted the last two years but didn't get:

The baddest muscle car to ever reign on asphalt.
Compared to this, a Hummer is a kiddy sissy Tonka truck.

How could I top those? OK Santa - make my day. Just like many kids out there, I would like a bicycle please. Just a bicycle. That's all, no 'ultimate' car or truck. The only thing that separates this bike from others - the price tag. You can by a great bike for $2,700.00. You could by a most excellent bike for $4,700.00. You could probably buy a TDF ready bike (this is an assumption) for $7,500.00.

What do you think you can get for $23,225.00? Yep, twenty three thousand and two hundred twenty five dollars. Now that's a bike!

This bike as you can imagine is very special. Of course, custom paint and hand built wheels are what you would expect. You would also expect a geometrically fitted bike. Well, now let's stretch the limits of imagination - how about pedals with hand-laid copper gilding, aluminum-titanium-nitride-coated ti axles with ceramic bearings? Not enough you say? Okay, let's also hand bevel the carbon fibreLyte rear derailleur cage and top cap to better match the bike's lines. Still not enough to justify the price you say? Let's slap a 1,000 gram wheelset onto the bike. Yes, that is only ONE THOUSAND GRAMS!


Total weight of the bike? How about 13.5 pounds. THIRTEEN AND A HALF POUNDS! Think I'll get one?!?!?

The New Atheists and Old Belief Systems - Part 1

"Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try no hell below us: above us only sky imagine no possessions: it isn't hard to do nothing to kill or die for: and no religion too.. "
John Lennon

"The empty headed fool says in his heart, there is no God".

David, Psalm 53:1 (Amplified)

In the November 2006 edition of Wired magazine, Gary Wolf writes about "...the band of intellectual brothers mounting a crusade against belief in God". Wolf in his introduction explains that:

The New Atheists will not let us off the hook simply because we are not doctrinaire believers. They condemn not just belief in God but respect for belief in God. Religion is not only wrong; it's evil. Now that the battle has been joined, there is no excuse for shirking.

And the battle rages.

In the article, Wolf set out to talk to three of the most socially prominent atheists, Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, and Daniel Dennett. Wolf wanted to find out what it would mean to to enlist in the war against faith. In this entry I'll comment on the interview with Dawkins.

Dawkins has reached somewhat of a celebrity status among atheists. Wolf talks about how

"Dawkins' style of debate is as maddening as it is reasonable. A few months earlier, in front of an audience of graduate students from around the world, Dawkins took on a famous geneticist and a renowned neurosurgeon on the question of whether God was real. The geneticist and the neurosurgeon advanced their best theistic arguments: Human consciousness is too remarkable to have evolved; our moral sense defies the selfish imperatives of nature; the laws of science themselves display an order divine; the existence of God can never be disproved by purely empirical means."

I'm a simple man. I think those are mighty fine arguments for theism. Wolf goes on to explain that:

Dawkins rejected all these claims, but the last one – that science could never disprove God – provoked him to sarcasm. "There's an infinite number of things that we can't disprove," he said. "You might say that because science can explain just about everything but not quite, it's wrong to say therefore we don't need God. It is also, I suppose, wrong to say we don't need the Flying Spaghetti Monster, unicorns, Thor, Wotan, Jupiter, or fairies at the bottom of the garden. There's an infinite number of things that some people at one time or another have believed in, and an infinite number of things that nobody has believed in. If there's not the slightest reason to believe in any of those things, why bother? The onus is on somebody who says, I want to believe in God, Flying Spaghetti Monster, fairies, or whatever it is. It is not up to us to disprove it."

That is a fascinating statement to me. There seems to be an a priori mechanism working here, where Dawkins (who without doubt is a towering intellect) seemingly retreats into a defensive mode. If I believe in God, and he does not; why wouldn't he try to disprove it? Interestingly enough, Wolf states that science, after all, is an empirical endeavor that traffics in probabilities. The probability of God, Dawkins says, while not zero is vanishingly small. That also fascinates me, because for the reasons of the neurosurgeon and geneticist mentioned above I would flip it and say that the probability of evolution, while not zero is vanishingly small. So, we are using the same argument to defend our positions. I have to wonder again, why wouldn't he try to disprove it?

According to Dawkins, "highly intelligent people are mostly atheists". This statement has inherent weaknesses. Has Dawkins interviewed all of the highly intelligent people that have ever lived? Or are living now? Or will have ever lived? Of course not. This is the statistical fallacy known as "hasty generalizations". In hasty generalization fallacies a large enough sample is not taken. If the sample is not large enough, then we risk it not being representative of the class we are studying. What if there was just one highly intelligent person who believed in God? What if there were two? Or three or four or five or a hundred or a thousand or a hundred thousand, does that weaken his argument? How can he so easily dismiss religious intellectuals on an equal or perhaps even greater plane than he, for example Blaise Pascal?

But there's more beneath this statement. By ascribing a belief system (whether atheistic or religious) to a class or segment of people based on superiority or inferiority of a trait, moral or ethical questions arise. For example, if we restate his claim he could say with the same meaning that "stupid people are mostly religious". Do you see where I'm going with this? Yep, I'll go ahead and make the leap that this kind of reasoning leads to devaluing segments of humanity. Now, I'm not saying that Dawkins is a Nazi. But, if we are just the product of blind evolution, and smarter people like us know that there is no God, then let's degrade the value of those in our society who are not as smart as us. And maybe us smart people should only marry other smart people so that we create the "master race".

I will give Dawkins points for honesty though. Dawkins openly agrees with the most stubborn fundamentalists (sic) that evolution must lead to atheism.

And on that point, we are agreed.

Bet your city doesn't have this...

You can purchase bumper stickers in Music Millenium that say this: "Keep Portland Weird". An example you ask? Let me give you one. Here in Portland we have lots of racing enthusiasm. We've got car racing, dog racing, the Portland Marathon, triathlons, duathlons, a velodrome for bicyle racing, criteriums, remote control car racing, motorcycle racing etc etc etc. It's quite possible that your city also has one or more of these.

But here's one example Portland is weird, and I bet your city doesn't have goldfish racing. Yeah, let me say it again: goldfish racing. At the Mt. Hood bowling lanes, in the lounge you will find two ten foot long troughs. Two goldfish await in their stalls (plastic cups filled with water). An eager tension fills the air, as the goldfish paw and buck like broncos before a buckin'.

At the count of 1-2-3! The contestants are transferred to their respective troughs, while their trainers coax them down the lane with spray bottles like firefighters putting out a kitchen fire.

The excitement is reported in the 11/17 Oregonian:

"The black-tipped fish (Lexex) sprints, but Cuervo gallops ahead, with a fiery kick at the finish line (a pink cocktail stirrer, taped to the end of the trough)."

Although it's gaining popularity, bet your city doesn't have this.

I'm so embarrassed

My friend Jim turned 50. We had a big bash at his house, and theme was decorate your own cupcake. That was somewhat incongruous as cupcakes were consumed with beer, whiskey, vodka and oyster shooters. But hey, it was Jim's party!

I was shopping for a card that in a friendly jesting way would joke about turning 50. I found a card that had a "you know are are fifty when..." theme. The very first item was this:

"You know you are fifty when you sing along to the elevator music."

Here comes the confession that led to a feeling of embarrassement: Earlier I had done some shopping at Albertson's. The muzak flowed unnoticed in the background, until suddenly - out of the speakers came the opening notes of "Waiting for a star to fall". Boy met girl in 1988, and now Boy meets Girl all over again. The saxophone prelude began, and my palms began to sweat as I was tempted to grab a bottle of shampoo and belt out the lyrics. After all, it may be Joe Albertson's supermarket but the singing aisle is mine (to make a very bad pun on a marketing jingle that most of you probably don't remember).

Anyway, after making my purchases I rushed home to find and download the song. Alas! All I could find was a karaoke version. Not to be deterred, I found the lyrics and sang along as loud as I could. The cat began to hiss, the dog whimpered, the fish in the aquarium hid and I thanked God that Sherry was not home.

Fifty is only a year away for me, and already I'm succumbing to elevator music. Sigh.

Going for Guinness

Ha! You thought this post was about beer, didn't you? Nay friends, we are about to embark on a journey into the Guinness Book of World Records. As reported in Time magazine (November 20) by Carolyn Sayre:

"Call them crazy, but there's a group of very special people who have something you probably don't: a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records."

Now, although I've reached the heights of achieving multiple lofty goals, sunken in the valleys of committing repeated heinous social blunders; never have I been graced with the wreath of a world record. But Paul has.

Paul is a guy with multi-faceted talents. He's creative: he once helped to orchestrate an amazing sight, walking through nightime woods whipping a glow stick around with which the end had been cut off. We wandered through the blackness where a tunnel of soft illumination decorated trees, shrubs, and the floor of the woods in a stunning visual treat. Paul is also smart: he sells software. Paul also is a skilled footbag enthusiast. Let's let him explain how it works:

The actual footbag (aka Hacky Sack) record is called “10-minute timed one-pass.”

You get 10 minutes to get as many kicks, back and forth, as you can. (To break this record, you can’t take two kicks in a row; neither can the bag touch you above the waist). To be a world record, it must be “drop-less.” I.e. you can’t drop it, and pick it up, and keep going. Further, even if you surpassed the record in less then 10 minutes without dropping, then dropped before the 10 minutes were completed, the record would not be recognized. You only get two attempts at a World Footbag Association event (the sanctioning organization for the sport.) These are the same guidelines that Guinness World Records requires we follow.

In 90 degree heat on a concret surface the attempt began. About 7 minutes in, they dropped. Well, now it was time for the second - and final - attempt. At about 4 minutes into it,

This Happened.

No way! How could that have happened? Since they were already set up, they decided to start again and then appeal to the powers that be that a third attempt was justified due to interference. Although there a few bobbles, at the ten minute mark the unofficial count was 1,414 - handily beating the former record of 1,327!

They were granted the exception, and through an unofficial confirmation from Guinness were informed that they would obtain the record. In a few weeks, an official certificate will come to validate the confirmation.

Very cool!

Menu-Driven Prayer

I love this cartoon (Pearls before Swine) and the crocs are my favorite characters:


It illustrates a paradigm that I have unfortunately fallen into, that of God like a big "sugar daddy in the sky" waiting to bestow us with blessings as we submit our prayers like a list to him. Sherry and I try (and most mornings are successful) to prayer together every day and lately have realized that it's become mostly all about us. We ask prayers that for the most part self centered.

It's like looking over menu options and choosing or discarding like this:

Let's see, I'll have the appetizer of have a quick commute today. For the main course I'd like a big portion of prosperity, served with a side of mashed enemies. Please hold any illness, but could I also get some nice weather on the side please? For dessert, let's see - can you show me the tray? OK, there - I'll settle on a nice tropical vacation.

Amen.

Obviously, you can see the problem here. To not be too facetious, we do pray for our friends, family, co-workers, church and other needs that our lives intersect with. But to a large part our (my) prayers have become rote. I don't think it's a matter of not knowing what do, it's putting it in action. I need to stop asking so much (particularly for me), and listening more.

Now that's a dessert!

Sherry holds a nutrition/weight loss class at our home on Wednesday nights. I usually sequester myself in my home office, and eavesdrop a little bit whilst consuming my frozen pizza. Sherry would kill me if she even knew I was considering the following "destination dessert" served at Le Pigeon (Portland, OR). Now if I can convince my doctor that I need to bring my cholesterol levels up a skosh:

"Young Turk chef Cabriel Rucker begins with a philosophy: desserts shouldn't be too sweet, and a few unexpected savory notes wouldn't hurt a bit. His corn bread, mixed with minced apricots, has a soft cakey crumble. The ample block arrives with creamy maple ice cream, all hit with little cubes of warm, salty bacon to get the melting process - and the adventure - going. All this, plus maple syrup drizzles plumped with bacon fat".

Yummy, I can almost feel the fat just sliding right into my cells with nary a word of introduction.

In Memorium: Mike Phillips

We have some good friends - Gene, Darryll Lynn, and Chelsea Phillips. For years I have been regaled with stories about Gene and his brothers, Jeff and Mike. They (Mike especially) have truly set the bar with some of the best practical jokes I've ever heard.

Mike had cancer, and passed away on October 16, 2006. Sherry and I only spent a little time with him, but even in his suffering he was a fun, likeable guy. Sherry loved him from the first time she met him.

Mike wanted to have his memorial service in Gene & Darryll's home, and I was privileged to attend. I knew Mike was big in radio, but I didn't know just what kind of an impact and influence he had. The service was attended by local radio personalities such as Tom Parker and Craig Walker. The room was filled with the rich deep voices of on-air personalities. A polycom was set up, and callers dialed in from Los Angeles, Hollywood, San Francisco and Seattle where Mike had made his mark. Pictures from his life had been put up on a wall, one was with Mike and Little Richard.

I felt a little bit out of place, kind of an outsider in the tightly knit group. The room was filled with industry lingo - like "air check" - apparently a critique of a jock's (for disk jockey) show, and "PD" for program director. The group recounted wonderful memories and anecdotes from a humble man who had risen through the ranks to become the vice president of NBC's FM radio programs. But Mike had invested much of his considerable talent to helping other people advance in their careers, it was never about him.

One of the funny anecdotes was how he had created a bowling game, where callers would dial in and guess how many of the pins had been dropped. Mike, the station manager and a sound technician went to a bowling alley and began to bowl. Mike told the sound tech that for the best effect, he would have to chase the ball down the alley whilst holding a microphone close the ball, skidding to a stop just before the ball crashed into the pins. Then, Mike said the tech would have to chase the ball for each combination of the ten pins dropping, for example a 3-pin drop, a 4-pin drop etc. He really didn't have to do that, Mike was just having fun watching the poor guy running up and down the alley!

Another time Mike printed off coupons for a restaurant, went in and gave every person dining a coupon for their meals. He was truly a funny guy who loved life, family and friends. Mike also was a Christian, and although he never engaged in 'Bible thumping" his faith was evident and clear to his friends.

If you would like, you can read about him here and here. You'll be glad you heard about a giant who was gentle, a man who left a mark on radio but more importantly left a mark on many people's hearts. I know you are with God and the angels now Mike, and I'm glad to have met you.

Book Review - The Book of Lost Things

The Sunday Oregonian of 10/15 had an article wherein two frightened Forest Service employees were so spooked by the sound of howling wolves that they radioed for a helicopter evacuation from the Sawtooth Wilderness in Utah last month. Although the wolves made no aggressive moves toward the pair and there are no documented cases of wolves attacking humans a helicopter was dispatched to retrive them. Steve Nadeau, wolf program supervisor with the Idaho Department of Fish & Game said of the incident:

"Holy moly - sounds to me like someone's read too many of Grimm's Fairy Tales."

Well, that's a good tag line of what the book is about. Author John Connolly gives us a kind of Grimm's Fairy Tales meets the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I'll admit that the reason I read the book is that I have 3 things in common with the protagonist:

1. We both share the name David
2. We both are afflicted with some sort of seizures (unclearly defined in the book).
3. We both love to read.
   

How can you not like a kid that enjoys dactyl iambic or elegiac pentameters? Set in England in the days of World War II, the book begins with the death of his mother and his father's eventual remarriage impacted David greatly. Clashes quickly ensued with David's new stepmother as they sold their home and moved in with her.

Prior to the remarriage and move strange events began to happen to David. His mother's favorite books, fictional stories of "knights and soldiers, of dragons and sea beasts, folk tales and fairy tales" took an anthropomorphic qualities as they began to talk to him, "softly at first and then louder and more compellingly." Those events then led to another:

"That was when the trouble started. That was when the bad things came. That was when the Crooked Man began to appear to David."

Right from the start, the malignant entity David called the Crooked Man began his troubling stalking and evil influence upon David. A terrifying crash of a shot down Nazi bomber thrust David into another world, an alternate reality; where the fairy tales and his mother's books were now invested with life.

Like much fiction the book borrows from Christian themes, but clearly does not seem to advocate Christianity. There is the Woodsman, a type of Christ. There is the Crooked Man, a type of Satan. There are the wolf/man hybrids, a type of demons.

The wolf-man hybrids constantly stalk and threaten other creatures in the alternate world that David now finds himself a part of. Classic satanic temptations are proffered:

"...give him (David) to us and we will offer him the protection of the pack. But the wolf-man's eyes gave the lie to it's words, for everything about them spoke of hunger and want"

This imagery could have been lifted right from Genesis 4:7 where God, speaking to Cain; says that "...sin is crouching at the door:, and its desire is for you...". The Hebrew word for desire in that passage is a word picture of a salivating, barely restrained savage beast with its fangs bared and muscles in tension ready to spring upon its prey and rip it to shreds.

Another Biblical allusion is found in the revealed belief of the "...Crooked Man that whatever evil lay in men was there from the moment of their conception." and "No one can make you do evil. You had evil inside you, and you indulged it." An echo of Romans 5:12 is heard: "Therefore, just as through one man (Adam) sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned...".

The book discloses some of the great questions of Christianity that are difficult to answer. In reference to his mother's death David thinks of "...listening to the priest talking of God and how much He loved His people. He (David) had found it to equate the priest's God with the one who had left his mother to die slowly and painfully."

I'll admit that I became a bit bored as David's journey in the latter part flatlined for me, and I was tempted to give it a grade of D+. Although there was some interesting imagery presented I began to lose interest However, I was pleasantly pleased with the ending and some of the twists, and how the ending tied the whole tale together. Although not a great book, it became a good book. I struggled a little with vacillating between a C to a B, here's my conclusion:

Final Grade: B minus.

Lights - Camera - ACTION! - Part Four

They're here, they're there, they're everywhere. It's difficult living this life. Just this morning as I was leaving for work in the pre-dawn I saw movement in the shadows, then like popcorn bursting out of it's microwave bag, the light of flashbulbs lit up the day.

Paparrazi. Those camera-wielding, arrogant, rude, prying, meddlesome miscreants - oh, the price my neighbors pay. Not me, it's all part of the daily ritual now. But it does make me feel bad for my neighbors, friends and co-workers. Like mosquitoes to blood, I cannot get away from them. Pushing, shoving, shushing and non-loving I elbowed my way through the crowd to my awaiting limo. Settling and sighing into the plush heated leather seats, my driver greeted me with a Starbucks venti no whip non fat extra hot raspberry mocha and off we went to a day in the life of a movie star.

Today's agenda included shopping for a new home befitting my status. We drove down to a posh suburb of Portland, Lake Oswego where many affluent people reside. As we looked, I became more and more discouraged looking at their piddly little houses. 20,000 square feet, 5 car garage, 9 bathrooms, separate living quarters for the cook, maid and gardner, olympic size pool and a full basketball court? Puuuuleaaaze, boring houses perched on the lake not worthy of my residence. My neighbor Ron who is the best broker in the Pacific Northwest assisted me in securing a 35,000 square foot starter home in Bend, Oregon which will do for now. I bought a commuter jet to wisk me to exotic destinations, such as my winter home in Aruba. Well, let me continue with my day of filming.

Quiet on the set

I expected to hear those words, but there was a different chain of commands that led to the actual filming. Decked out with my college graduation audience member duds, we headed out to the set. Rows of chairs were arranged to face a platform set up to be a commencement area. Probably 150 graduates were seated, and there were some extras that were faculty up on the platform. An A.D. (assistant director, of which there seemed to be about half a dozen) waded through the audience with a bucket, handing out old beat up cameras without film but with fresh batteries so we could take pictures of our 'loved ones'.

Once we were arranged, the filming began. There seems to be a hierarchy with directors. Sean Penn is THE director, then there was a guy who seemed to be the second in the chain, and then as mentioned above some underlings. I'll call the second guy "Number Two". The actual filming took place like this:

1. "Roll Sound" - this was my favorite command. Number Two would shout 'roll sound' and then on the perimeter of the set (which was quite large because of the size of the commencement) underlings would echo from different positions, each with their own inflections - "ROooooOLLING sound", "roll sound", ROLLING SOUND, etc. It was cool.
2. "Background Action" - self explanatory, this was the cue for not the main action, but anything happening in support of the main action. Let's say that there was a couple of people who were to be walking across the back of the set just before the main action would begin. Background action would trigger them so that anything in the background would be natural and not starting at the same time as the main action.
3. "Action" - this was it, when everything happened. My part was a non-speaking part (surprise!) in which I merely smiled, acted natural (this was difficult for me on several levels) and waved and took pictures of my "niece" who was graduating (Jessica, I thought of you and you only have about 15 - 17 more years before you'll be walking across the stage).

Practice Makes Perfect

So for my day of filming I got $90.00 (for 12 hours of work). That included two hours of overtime. They gave out envelopes with $75.00 cash, then two more envelopes with $7.50 in cash. I am going to frame the four quarters as the first dollar I ever made in show biz. For the 12 hours of work, probably 4 hours were 'wasted' time doing nothing. When we were on the set filming a scene, filming the scene again, filming the scene again, filming the scene again - we must have done one scene (graduates throwing their caps into the air) 12 times (I swear I'm not making that up). I'm guessing that for 8 hours of actually being on the set, approximately 15 - 17 minutes of that will actually be in the movie.

You CAN Have Your Cake and Eat it Too

My wonderful colleague Claudia who sits in the cube next to me also was involved in the movie! They shot some of it in a house down the street from her, and gave her $500.00 to rent her driveway for four days to park some equipment in. One day, as filming ended they brought a big sheet cake over and asked if she wanted it. It was a birthday cake prop in the movie, a real cake! Claudia brought it in the next morning and said OK, now I've got a prop from the movie. How do you like them apples? I responded and said "the bar is set - are you in the movie?"? "No, but I have a cake". I responded again, "are you in the movie?" "No, but I have a cake that was in the movie.". We bantered like this for about 3 hours (well, maybe 15 minutes) and acknowledged that we both had a part (although I'll be in the movie!) in the film.

I Talked To a Movie Star

At one point during the lunch break I was walking over to some friends I had made and hung out with. I realized Sean Penn was walking toward me, and at our trajectory and pace he would pass behind me. Suddenly, he changed direction and he and I would intersect. It was kind of surreal, but I just said "hey, how's it going". He responded in like, and that was the end of our conversation. But I talked to a movie star.

The Best Part

At lunch, looking for a place to sit I saw a middle age guy (uh, like me I suppose!) sitting on some steps. He invited me up and as we ate we started conversing. It turned out that his wife had died four months ago during an epileptic seizure. Being an epileptic myself, I was able to project true empathy. As we spoke I felt that I should offer to pray for him. I asked if he would be open to a quick prayer, and he replied sure. I asked God to bring him peace, and to heal the hurt that was evident. Both he and I were moved. Who knows, although fame was stalking me perhaps this was the purpose that I ended up there, to bring first hand experience and comfort to a guy who clearly needed it.

Star Status at Home

Well, as I conclude these updates and launch into my new found fame I have to acknowledge the huge role that Sherry plays. Again, her encouragement and unflagging support have been a huge help in my transition from everyday office worker with my soul being sucked out by the system to a superstar in a constellation of star status compatriots.

Yes, I may be the star in the household - but Sherry is the heavens.

It's a mystery...

Sherry and I are dog lovers, and I've racked my brains to figure this out - I cannot come up with any logical reason. I can't even come up with an illogical reason. What would possess someone to do this to not one dog, but multiple owners with multiple dogs? What started it? What is the relationship here? I feel compelled, like matter being sucked into a black hole, to do this with Kadie.

Lights - Camera - ACTION! - Part Three

October 7, 2006. At 49 years of age I report to my first movie set. I try to appear nonchalant as I'm surrounded by a horde of hopefuls who secretly wish that they could be me. Little Davey Mundt, of humble beginnings, stepping on the first rung of the ladder to Hollywood.

The day started early as I was instructed to report at 7:00 AM. Not as early as some though, to stagger the check in process some people had been told to report at 4:00 AM. Yes, in the morning. One lady whom I fear had to many morning Mimosas that accelerated her star worship had brought a picture to give to Sean Penn. I was expecting maybe a picture of Portland or something like that, but it was of a guy with his head in his hands. Literally. His head had been severed from his body. I didn't get it then, I don't get it now.

Wardrobe

A bus transported us from Fred Meyer Corporate Headquarters to Reed College for our start time. In the instructions they had asked that both men and women not have facial piercings, non-natural hair colors and that women have clean, dry hair in rollers. No kidding. Although most of them didn't, there were enough rollers around that in the pre-dawn hour when I arrived it looked like Night of the Living Dead meets Cosmetology Schoolgirls Gone Wild. How bizarre.

We were taken to the campus and got in line for wardrobe. They gave me back the clothes that I had left with them for the wardrobe appointment, and guided us out to changing tents. The California production company must have assumed that morning chill would overcome us as they had portable heaters blowing into the tent and I think it was about 80 degrees. There were several men who were cast as faculty members, and it was hilarious to watch them struggle with the robes -"can you zip me up"? Heh heh heh.

The Zoo

After wardrobe we were herded like cattle into an auditorium. Because the scene was a college graduation there were about 600 people that showed up. A guy came to the front and gave us a few pointers about the day that went something like this:

1. "We'll go over to the set in approximately an hour and a half. Please be patient and try to have a good time."
2. "Please do not approach the main actors. They are generally friendly but let them, if they desire; approach you first."
3. "There will be a lot of waiting today. Be aware that long periods of time may go by as the set is being changed."
4. "Always follow the A.D.'s (assistant director) instructions.

Then we sat. And sat. And sat some more.

Makeup

I had decided to eschew makeup as my natural good looks have taken me far in life, but because I became bored I thought why not do the whole enchilada. I reported to makeup and the first question they asked was would I be willing to shave my beard (I had about 2 weeks scraggly growth). Sure, no problem - except the shaving station had some little styrofoam bowls, bottled water, cheap Barbasol shaving cream and even cheaper disposable razors. I thought I was going to rip the skin off of my face. It took four of those cheap razors to get me to a satisfactory stubble, baby soft smooth was out of the question.

I then entered a corridor with 10-12 makeup stations lining the walls. Just like you would expect, mirrors with the light bulbs all around them. A really nice makeup artist looked at me and sighed, how could she improve on perfection? Well, she got some of those little wedgie makeup sponges and dabbed stuff on my forehead and nose and then smoothed it out. I mentioned that the cheap razors had really irritated my face and did she have any lotion? Oh yeah, she put some awesome stuff on my cheeks and neck that really helped.

Now, I was ready for filming - whooops, my agent's on the line, I'll have to finish this post later...

Awww, cute lil' sayings

Dove (the chocolate manufacturer, not the soap people) makes these wonderful miniatures that are addictive. I have a friend who is quitting smoking, and she's 'on the patch'. I'm addicted to chocolate, and in like manner I've been securing a Hershey's Kiss to my arm everyday with duct tape. The chocolate is slowly absorbed through my skin and gives me that low level comfort throughout the day.

In my addiction one day I grabbed a few of those little Dove bite sized chocolates to tape to my arm. Unwrapping them I found that they have cute lil' sayings inside. I've been collecting them, following are some of the sayings, and updated with my translation/commentary:

Dove: Make your eyes twinkle.
Dave: Pass the Visine.

Dove: Naughty can be nice.
Dave: Naughty can also get you incarcerated.

Dove: Sit in your yard and watch the leaves fall.
Dave: They come off of the neighbor's tree. When he's not looking I chuck them back into his yard.

Dove: You're allowed to do nothing.
Dave: Talk to my boss.

Dove: The wind tells a story - listen.
Dave: Big deal. So do tornadoes and hurricanes, they just tell them louder.

Dove: Spend the day at a Harvest Festival.
Dave: Booooorrrrrrring.

Dove: Collect 10 different kinds of tree leaves.
Dave: And chuck them into the neighbor's yard also.

Dove: Promise yourself a smile today.
Dave: I don't feel like it.

Dove: Life is a painting, cover the entire canvas.
Dave: Au contraire, life is a highway and I'm gonna ride it all night long.

Dove: Make the most of an Indian Summer day.
Dave: Make the most of a Native American Summer day.

Dove: Look at the reflection of the leaves on your favorite pond.
Dave: I live in Portland, Oregon. There are no reflections because of the green scum.

Another Saturday night with the Mundts.

We have some friends who we adore. You are probably aware of Sherry and Dave's idosyncracies so we'll talk about our friends. Charlie's a cop with a sense of humor, Jill is his hyperactive ADD wife. Sometimes we get together after a Saturday night service at our church. One night, Charlie and Jill invited us to their house to play poker. Charlie and I made a beer run, and ran into someone in the store who he knows. We had fun telling his friend how, with six packs in our hands, we were on our way home from church and decided to stop for a few brewskies on our way to play poker . That's the kind of guy Charlie is, he loves God, loves to bust bad guys, and enjoys a nice beer once in a while. And he's promised to let me shoot a machine gun.

Steve is friendly and outgoing, a regal looking guy who will split your sides making you laugh with goofy faces and sounds, and Lauren is his wonderful wife who is going to get a medal in heaven for putting up with us all. We are all busy, and try to get together a few times a month, and do try to not let a month go by with at least one visit.

Well, Saturday night was our scheduled visit. The day was very busy for both Sherry (who was at work) and I. At one point in between chores and errands she had left a message on our voicemail with her new work number - I saved it to retrieve later and write down the number. I am bad when it comes to messages - too much experience with ramblers has led me to just save it to listen later if the point of the call is not revealed in the first 5-7 seconds.

As I had recalled, we were to show up at 6:00. Sherry was going to come home and get me and then off to the gathering we would go. At 6:30, I thought that Sherry had probably had a walk in appointment (she works at an assisted living community) wherein her time was invested. This had happened before and wasn't a cause for great concern. At 7:00 I thought she was closing the deal. At 7:30 I began to be concerned. At 7:45 I called her cell and left a message. At 8:00 I called Charlie and Jill, and left an urgent message. At 8:15 Sherry calls me and says those three little words that 10 years of marriage will bring:

WHERE ARE YOU?

Well hello, WHERE ARE YOU? I reply. Turns out that in the remainder of her message which I callously cut off, she had informed she was driving straight to the party after work and would see me there. A long pause ensued in which stupidity and shame saturated me like syrup on a waffle. I tried to mount a weak defense but Sherry's logic was inescapable - "I TOLD you in the message".

I hate voicemail.