Maui Reading List

One of the things I really enjoy about vacations is the chance to read. I mean, really read - a soft tropical breeze blowing through my hair, on a sandy beach on Maui where there is nothing to do except turn the pages as the sun moves lazily across the horizon. I've always loved reading, and once earned a library certificate when I was a kid by reading 50 (fifty!) books in one summer. Yup, while all the other California kids were flying kites, building forts, playing hide and seek I was ensconced in the local library plowing through books.

One fond memory I have is at my Grandpa and Grandma's house in Quartz Hill, California. When the weather turned cool I would fetch Grandpa's old army jacket, grab a stack of Reader's Digest condensed books and sit in a utility trailer reading away the hours under the weak winter sun.

I also love to read on planes - and with a five hour flight there and back, that's TEN hours of reading time! Yeah, I'm a nerd. What can I say?

Anyway, here is my vacation reading list. Let's see how much of it I can burn through!

1. November 2006 Reader's Digest
2. Ecclesiastes and Jeremiah (on my Bible reading plan; eBook)
3. The Lincoln Lawyer (eBook)
4. Freakanomics (eBook)
5. The Greater Good (hardcover)
6. Plan of Attack (hardcover)
7. Christian Research Journal (magazine)
8. Calvinism in the Las Vegas Airport (hardcover)
9. October 10 Time Magazine
10. October 2005 Guideposts (magazine)
11. October 2005 Business 2.0 (magazine, with a hidden past due garbage bill inside - D'oh!)
12. The Peloponnesian War (hardcover, a reaaalllly big hardback)
13. November 2005 Bicycling (magazine)
14. October 2005 Wired (magazine)
15. November 2005 Runner's World (magazine)
16. October 2005 Fast Company (magazine)

Seizure Story Number Four - On the Road Again!

Wednesday September 28th started as usual, but had enormous implications for the next few days. Yet again the technician's needle would find my vein like a starving mosquito on a Jenny Craig diet and pull from my body a sample of blood. The objective though was not nourishment (insert vampire joke here) but confirmation that I had enough drugs built up in my body to resume driving and a normal life.

Sherry drove me to the same lab, and finding I had a different tech it was time again to have some fun! Because I had already set Jill up as my lawyer (see Seizure Story Number Three), I figured I would introduce Sherry as yet another member of my entourage. Sherry had picked me up directly from a business appointment she had, and she looked stunning as always. When the tech called me, I asked if it was OK to have my publicist accompany me. The tech said "what"? and I responded with "Oh, I'm sorry - my medical condition is being written up in a series of articles for Time magazine". It was at that point that Sherry lost it and started laughing! With her cover blown, there was nothing left but to get stuck (with the needle, not in traffic).

The normal part of my life is pending a psychiatric review, but in speaking with the neurologist on Thursday September 29 it was a mostly good news scenario. The Dilantin level had built up to a 9, with a target range of 10-20. Therefore, I was a skosh (this is a medical term I've picked up on my journey) shy of where I needed to be. I was advised to increase my Dilantin to 600mg a day (300 at night, 300 at morning) and then resume driving on Monday, October 3 without having to take another test.

Woo Hoo! So close, and yet so far. The weekend minutes crawled by slower than a slug on a salt shaker. I was tempted to maybe go for a short Sunday drive, but wisdom reigned and I resisted.

Monday morning brought the usual routine, culminating with my habit of preparing a commuter mug of coffee. I slipped behind the wheel, started the truck, backed out of the garage and then looking at the ruins of the garage door realized I had forgotten to open it!

Ha, just kidding. Here's the weird thing - I slipped immediately into auto pilot, and was a third of the way to work on Highway 217 before I realized I'M DRIVING AGAIN! In delight and glee I flashed my lights, honked my horn and waved at my dear, fellow commuters! Look everyone, I'm driving! I'm driving!

Many people to my surprise waved back! It was interesting though how many of them had apparently injured their hands as only certain fingers were extended. No matter, if that's the way they wave now in Oregon then by golly I'll wave like that too! What a bunch of friendly people drive on 217 every day.

I have resumed running, and although I was very disappointed to miss Hood to Coast and the Portland Marathon thanks to a nifty little gizmo provided by RoadID...

...I can ensure that I can be identified should I have a seizure or otherwise incapacitate myself whilst running or cycling. The inscription I chose goes like this:

If you found Dave,

He's likely hurt,

First call Sherry,

Then get him out of the dirt.

Clever, eh? That should help emergency responders tremendously to quickly ascertain what happened to me and why!

Well dear reader, my life has changed. I have made new friends (thanks B!) who can understand my confusion, frustration and fears and encourage me. Thanks Patty, Greg, Jennifer, Devin and Rick who selflessly volunteered to give me rides to work. Thanks to Robbin who responded to my shameless tactic in my previous update and made me a batch of her world famous chocolate chip cookies. Thanks to all of you for the emails, phone calls and cards!

Although I put on a good game face, as I mentioned there have been dark moments as well. One day I was rummaging through my backpack and found the release from the Emergency Room and in stark, cold, clinical, sterile language it said "You have had a seizure". My eyes filled with tears as I was faced with the new realities in my life. I leave you with this prayer that I came across that has brought me great encouragement and peace, and whatever you are going through in life I hope it brings you grace and peace also:

The Prayer by Thomas Merton (from Thoughts in Solitude)

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me, I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you, and I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may seem to be lost in the valley of the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Six signs you think about theology too much...

1. Your bumper sticker reads "honk if you are a Supralapsarian"
2. You have a poster of Jonathon Edwards on your bedroom wall
3. You read "Freedom of the Will" to your three year old at bedtime.
4. You are disappointed, yet again; that the annual Canby Tulip Festival is about flowers.
5. You think "Will and Grace" is a sitcom about two roommates of which one is an Arminian and the other is a Calvinist.
6. And number six - you actually get these jokes!!!

You know your'e addicted to cycling when...

Thanks to Patty who passed this along! I still crack up everytime I read #1.

1. Your surgeon tells you that you need a heart valve replacement and you ask if you have a choice between presta and schrader.
2. Numbers aren't a lewd measurement reference to the latest hottie, but to that new gear ratio you were considering for your bike.
3. A Power Bar starts tasting better than a Snickers.
4. You wear your heart monitor to bed to make sure you stay within your target zones during any extracurricular activities.
5. The funeral director tells you "NO! You can't ride your Colnago in the funeral procession", even if you agree to keep your headlight on.
6. You experience an unreasonable envy over someone who has a handlebar stem, that's lower and longer than yours.
7. You're too tired for hanky-panky on a Friday night but are more than able to jump out for a five-hour century on Saturday.
8. Your spouse tells you the only way they'll let you ride across the country is over their dead body, so you tell them, "If that's the way you want it, you can be my first speed bump!"
9. You no longer require a hankie to blow your nose.
10. You have stopped even trying to explain to your spouse why you need two bikes...you just go buy another one and figure it will all work out in the divorce settlement.
11. You convert your car's brake and gas pedals to clipless.
12. You see nothing wrong with discussing the connection between hydration and urine color.
13. You find your SIDI cycling shoes to be more comfortable and stylish than your best pair of sneakers.
14. You have more money invested in your bike clothes than in the rest of your entire wardrobe.
15. 'Biker Chick' means: skimpy black lycra...Not, skimpy black leather (on a Harley.)
16. You see a fit, tanned, Lycra-clad young woman ride by, and the first thing you check out is her bicycle.
17. You empathize with the road kill.
18. Despite all that winter fat you put on, you'll cut weight first by buying the latest carbon and titanium components.
19. Your mud guards are made out of milk jugs (or water bottles.)
20. You yell "Hole!" and reach out the window to 'point down' when you see a pothole when driving your car.
21. Your bike has more miles on its computer, then your car has on it's odometer.
22. You wear your favorite team's riding gloves when driving your car.
23. You wear your bike shorts as underwear...'just in case' someone invites you out on a last minute ride.
24. You wear Cycle Oregon and Tour De Lance T-shirts all the time, including under dress shirts.
25. You buy a mini-van and immediately remove the rear seats to make room for your bikes to fit.
26. When you move to a new area the first thing you look for is a bike shop.
27. You have more bike jerseys than dress shirts.
28. You take your bike along when you shop for a car -just to make sure the bike will fit inside.
29. You use the Yakima or Thule 'Fit Catalog' to pick your next new car (instead of Consumer Reports.)
30. You start yelling at cars to "Hold your line!"
31. You view crashes as an opportunity to upgrade components and wardrobe.
32. You clean your bike(s) more often then your car.
33. You're on the Board of Directors for a Bike Club.
34. You and your significant other have and wear identical riding clothes.
35. You mount a $600 topper on a $1,000 pickup truck so your $3,000 bike doesn't get wet.
36. You can't seem to get to work by 8:30 AM, even for important meetings, but you don't have any problems at all meeting your buddies at 5:30 AM for a hammerfest.
37. You can tell your spouse, with a straight face, that it'll be too hot tomorrow to mow the lawn...but then get up first thing and bike off for a century.
38. You regard inter-gender discussion of genital discomfort as normal.
39. You know your cadence, but you have no idea what your speed is.
40. When driving your car, you sometime like to lean over the steering wheel, just like an aerobar.
41. Your car(s) sit(s) outside your garage because your garage is full of bikes and spare cycling parts.
42. You like to tailgate semi-trailers to get the drafting effect.
43. The Bike Nashbar customer order number is on your speed dial.
44. You hear someone had a crash and your first question is: "How's the bike?"
45. You smile at your evening date, and she politely points out that you appear to have bugs in your teeth.
46. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to cycling like you.

Don't try this at home

DISCLAIMER: This post is rated PG, as parents should not allow teenage drivers to read the incident described below. Furthermore, this should not be attempted by anyone without a mature attitude toward driving as vindicated by a ticketless record.

It seems that Infiniti has come up with a radical new approach to driving safety. As cited in a recent advertisement, at 60 MPH you travel 88 feet in ONE SECOND (emphasis added). If something distracts you, that could be 88 feet in the wrong direction. According to the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration:

"...55% of fatal accidents are caused by drivers leaving their lane"

Infiniti responded by developing a Lane Departure Warning System. A camera behind the rearview mirror recognizes the visible lane markings. Next, a microprocessor compares vehicle speed and lane position to determine if the car is about to leave the lane. Then, visual and audio warnings alert the driver. Finally, a blood sample is quickly and painlessly obtained through a needle system in the driver's seat that gently pricks the buttocks to determine if alcohol content is a factor, shutting the engine off if the blood alcohol reading exceeds legal limits (OK, I'm making that last part up!).

Many years ago, I had the opportunity to actually road test Infiniti's concept sans technology! I was driving my 1970 El Camino...
... from Redding California to Sacramento. As you may know, south of Willows things get a little boring. Yeah, maybe even a little more than boring. No scenery, a long flat section of I-5, little traffic, and a hot summer day led to implementing various strategies to keep awake.

At one point, I noticed looking in the rear view mirror that I could see a reflection of the road ahead, in my sunglasses. Although the image was very small, and I confess to using a little bit of peripheral vision, I actually drove quite a ways by looking at the reflected image of the road ahead as returned by my rear view mirror into my sunglasses! If only I had applied for a patent at that time.

I'm gonna be rich

Well, I call this the summer that never was. Due to an intense project at work, and then my subsequent seizures; I really didn't get to enjoy the beautiful Oregon summer. But Fall is officially here, and you may ask "how do you know this"? Is it because every other household in the greater Portland area has someone heading to central Oregon to shoot something (we call this "hunting")? Is it because the wee ones are back in our nationally famous public school system? Could it be linked to the "flaming fall foliage" (I wish I coined that but kudos go to the Oregonian)? All of these could be true but...

It's because of traffic accidents.

You would think that if anyone knows how to drive in the rain, it's Oregonians; right? Wrong! Take an unseasonably mild and dry September, add pouring rains the last day of the month extending into the first few days of October and what do you get but traffic accidents!

So Monday evening on my way home from work. Uh oh! A recent shower left the pavement wet and the sun was peeking out - danger Will Robinson! I manage to make it through the nightmare of construction we like to call Highway 26 and then get on 217 southbound where I run into a wall of stopped cars. Gradually, as a surgeon directs the scalpel, as a fisherman threads the worm onto the hook, emergency response vehicles delicately dance their way through the traffic. Sure enough, a few miles south an accident caused the universal response of rubbernecking to bring things to a halt.

So, here's my idea - I call it the DMTAPC (Dave Mundt Traffic Accident Privacy Curtain). A collapsible, eight foot high frame from which drapes may hang, concealing not only the wreck but the emergency vehicles as well. Therefore - there's nothing to see here folks, move along! Due to the denial of an interesting crash scene, traffic moves right along as if nothing had ever happened. I thought even more revenue could be generated by selling advertising on the curtains, but in the American way I'm sure some enterprising individuals would stage accidents just so their products would be prominently displayed. Therefore, the curtains will remain in subdued but pleasantly and tastefully decorations.

Anyone interested in fronting me some venture capital?

Gosh Dang it all to Heck

Well, it's been a year now since Dale Earnhardt JR's "indescretion" on Sunday October 3rd 2004 at Talladega:While conducting his victory lane interview, Earnhardt Jr uttered the ‘S' word on live TV when asked what his fifth career victory at the 2.66 mile tri-oval meant in the great scheme of things.f things. Earnhardt Jr's answer, a candid ‘It don't mean s**t right now,' related to the fact that his late father Dale Earnhardt holds ten career victories at Talladega.Dale was fined $10,000 (which is a paltry slap when you think that he made almost $5,000,000 last season) but more importantly NASCAR officials slammed him with a 25 point fine, which actually dropped him from first to second place in the overall standings. All this for a public use of a curse word!

An article in the Saturday September 24th edition of the (Portland) Oregonian noted that "...kids are pushing cussing customs". The article quotes English professor James Farrelly who states that:

"For the last forty years, a steady flow of previously verbotenwords has been making its way out of the gutter and into the mainstream of ordinary speech, vying for social acceptance and at least universal tolerance from the dotty senior set"

Words like bite, sucks and holy crap permeate our culture like freakin' traffic jams on major highways at rush hour. Along with their candid cousins (and you know what I mean!) our family of the American lexicon is reflected in our culture in music, movies and print venues. I heard a definition once that swearing was "the attempt of a feeble mind to express itself forcefully". Well, I'm not so sure about that anymore. I know some people who are much smarter than me (oh yeah, there is a Mensa member in that mix) whose language would cause the proverbial sailor to blush.

Interestingly enough, I'm not as offended as I used to be by this shift in language. Maybe I'm becoming less judgmental? Perhaps I'm becoming desensitized? Perhaps. I do know though that I am reminded of the plank in my own eye when trying to point out the toothpick in others. My conclusion: I would do well to remember the words of the Psalmist as recorded in 19:4 (NLT):

"May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer"